emotion explosion - great intimacy practice but terrible stuff brought up, connection despair

[belenen]

icon: "disconnected (a gif of the lovers from the tv show "Moonlight" standing on opposite sides of a door and both looking devastated. One leans their forehead on the door and the other leans their face on their hand on the doorsill. Underneath the repeating gif is the word 'pain' in a handwriting-font.)"Yesterday and today have been

Comments

[soundofsunlight]

It just seems logical that there is something about me that doesn't come through online that makes me not a desirable friend.I can't comment on the accuracy of this, but an outside opinion might help. Do you have any friends irl who you met online? If so, would they say you're different irl than online

[call_me_katya]

You're right in that with the 'medium' approach you do still have to make that leap at some point, and it seems weirder and more of a leap to go from that stage to being closer. Now sometimes it will happen almost automatically, but I don't even think it is automatic, I think it requires one of the people to be more forceful. I suspect in my life if certain people hadn't been more forceful with me I wouldn't have ever had certain friendships. I don't really know how it keeps going if both people are staggering along non committally. That's why I think there is nothing wrong with the way you are. You build stronger and deeper friendships than most people ever think of, and that's their loss

[kmiotutsie]

Hmmm. I hear the things you're saying about feeling not-right, but I wonder also how much it has to do with just how difficult it is already to make new connections after 30ish. Do you think? I know that for a while, I was feeling pretty screamingly frustrated and not-quite-right-enough to build a new community again, but it seems to be a thing that many many of us are having to recon with. Hmm, I also don't want to discount what you're feeling, because it's probably many many factors. I feel similarly, a lot: too loud for this person but too quiet for that one; too rad for this one but not rad enough for the other, like there's no family to be found anywhere. it comes & goes; still haven't figured out how to reckon with it once & for all