4 levels of friendship: fun, support, learning, mutual accountability

[belenen]

icon: "interconnectedness (two bald purple-skinned people in the ocean: from Joan Slonczewski's "Door Into Ocean")"I'm not calling these truths, just musings. As such they could be totally wrong, so don't hesitate to disagree

Comments

[wanderipity]

Oh my god. I freakin love this.

[belenen]

"to think about friendship in stages"

Oh i think i need to go back and clarify, i dont mean that these are the stages for each friendship but for each person as they learn! So, toddlers and defaults generally stay at #1.  Once you get to level 2, 3, or 4 i think you tend to start new friendships at the highest level that both people have.

"I actually feel invaded by #4; I do not like when people check in on my progress with things, because I am capable of self-regulating ... On the other hand, if #4 also encompasses holding people accountable for not being crappy people"

Oh, #4 is only EVER okay with consent. I consent to people checking me depending on their ability to accept my interpretation of me as more accurate than theirs and depending on how useful it is the first time. I can notice my behavior better with feedback, but it must be consensual.

[rockingthemike]

this is an excellent breakdown!

i would add that we also group depending on the type as well. i'm a private, independent person by nature, so very few of my friends get to level 3 or even 4. in fact, i think i have three friends that get to level 4 and that's it. a lot of my friends exist in levels 1-2, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but that's just as far as they typically get.

[meri_sielu]

A very accurate description and break down that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing. :)