emotional/artistic work is still work / types of cuddles: giving, receiving, sharing, passive

[belenen]

icon: "nuzzle (a photo of two snow leopards, one facing the camera and the other in profile, nuzzling the first so much that the first one is leaning over)"
[been thinking about cuddling for a living]I've been thinking about cuddling for a living since I found out that there is a service near where I live that is hiring. I posted on facebook asking people if they'd be interested or knew

Comments

[hardigrin]

So this was fascinating, because it made me realize something I hadn't thought out before--I would find setting up a plan to receive and not give cuddles stressful and honestly kind of draining. I think it's mostly association based; the only times I don't have a strong desire to reciprocate cuddles is when something's pretty wrong.

There were a lot of times in my past before I got good at boundaries that I wasn't up for touch, but didn't know how to say so, and just accepted the touch...so even if it was meant generously it felt terrible.

I also will not want to reciprocate touch if I'm really, really upset, and emotionally drawn into myself. It will still be positive to neutral to have someone touch me, but there's no way I can give back.

But yeah, any other time someone's touching me with affection (which to me is the difference between cuddles and massage) I want to respond and move with them and touch them and make them feel good (even if it's kind of passive or just moving into their cuddles)...one-way just feels bleh to me.

Which, maybe that difference in perception is why we haven't had amazing cuddles? I wouldn't say you suck at cuddling me, but there hasn't been an extraordinary time. I'd be totally down for finding a time we both have spoons to have a dedicated cuddling day where we play with different approaches. <3

Also, *offers lots of hugs* for the feeling of having your emotional and artistic skills devalued. That sounded like it hit you hard. I really really respect and look up to the work you've put into those, and while it's harder to find people who understand the value, they definitely exist.

Good luck with the cuddle jobs! :)

(Dunno if I said before, but I personally probably wouldn't be okay with paying *anyone* for cuddles, not because I don't think it's worth the money, but because I have a lot of hangups about people pretending to like me. Paying for sex or cuddles would pretty much literally be paying someone to act like they like me regardless of how they actually feel and that sounds really upsetting. The only way I can see it being worth the emotional minefield is if I was really isolated somewhere and going stircrazy trapped in my own head due to lack of touch.)