why I use 'they' as my standard pronoun / I now require gender-neutral pronouns in reference to me

[belenen]

icon: "queer (the logo for Transcending Boundaries Conference overlaid with the words "genderfree, queer, + trans / never a 1 or 0")"For many years I used ze/zir for everyone, and fairly recently I changed to they/them (still working on it, I have all of the slip-ups). I made the switch for several reasons. One is that even though ze/zir does not

Comments

[kmiotutsie]

I'm so glad you wrote this! As a cis-person I've felt like a jerk airing criticisms for some of the more awkward sounding pronouns, because so many staunch resisters of gender neutral pronouns use language like mine ("it sounds awkward!" et al) to excuse their lack of respect for chosen or gender neutral pronouns. There are so many that just feel awkward on my tongue, not because I'm not used to them but because I'm super sensitive to clunky sounds. (I really take issue with the word "chocolate," for example, and hate too many consonants next to each other. The word "sandwich" makes me cringe.)

Some of those same staunch criticizers take issue with they/their because it's not grammatically correct, but they can stuff if. they/their is so easy to roll with.

I'm privileged to live in queer circles who frequently ask "what are your pronouns" on meeting a person, but it's not something I do myself: I they/their everyone to death, and only make a strong effort not to if the person is transitioning and gendered pronouns are really important to them.