Confessions of previously held hurtful beliefs/actions

[belenen]

As a person who self-identifies as a queer, genderfree, trans, poly, pagan feminist with nuanced views on porn and BDSM (mainstream of both is evil but ethical versions do exist), I've experienced a great number of perspective changes. There was a time when I identified as a woman, a wife, a Christian (exclusively), a Republican, and monogamous

Comments

[llama_friendly]

"porn and BDSM (mainstream of both is evil but ethical versions do exist)"

I've really struggled on my feelings with this, though I've given more thought to porn. I usually can't decide if porn is okay. Are people, women specifically, being free with their bodies or are they being exploited? I like your perspective and it answers my question. I will have to research about ethical porn and BDSM to learn more about what it entails.

I am also guilty of believing in some of these (and more of my own --I grew up going to a religious school..yikes). I like the idea of accepting and admitting the wrongness rather than trying to justify them in any way. I think I've always tried to justify them and used my religious background and racist family (I once asked my cousin why she was dating a black man..so shameful) as my scapegoat.

[belenen]

I wrote a very long essay about porn which I really want to re-write into something more approachable, because it's important to realize both aspects. In a similar way, BDSM has ethical versions but the 'scene' has a lot of abuse in it. Here's a good take on it: https://thirdxlucky.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/this-ones-for-the-invisible-girl/

Yeah, I think the first step is realizing that the world throws shit on you, and it's your job to clean yourself, not to claim the shit as part of you. I had lots of shit in my brain. Now I have less, but I'll never be free of it, gotta keep going.

[twofootsmall]

To that I say; please, do not feel shame for past beliefs. Instead, take comfort in your obvious growth and increasingly balanced perspective, because many, many people never recognise that their beliefs/thought processes are off, much less have the strength or inclination to rewire themselves. To do so, and embrace that change, is admirable.

<3

[belenen]

I don't feel shame as a person, or ashamed of myself. I think that those ideas are shameful, but I don't wear them or mentally punish myself for them, I just stay aware of them and use them as reminders that as much as I didn't see them, there may be other things I don't see now.

Thank you for the kind words <3

Just my two cents...

[classical_wolf]

As I've been in safer and non-emotionally abusive relationships, I began to explore BDSM/kink in a safe way, and now it's a regular part of my life. It took years, but I got there.

I feel that if people are engaging in RACK (risk aware consensual kink), it's okay :)

While Dan and I aren't D/s or M/s anymore, we love hard and play harder, and I couldn't imagine my life without it.

Re: Just my two cents...

[belenen]

It's like sex -- individuals can do fine, but pretty much everything you see in the mainstream is filled with sexist oppressive bullshit. And it takes work to get it out of your own experience. I think there's a lot of complex stuff going on! I also 'play hard' so it's a work in progress for me too.

Re: Just my two cents...

[classical_wolf]

Very well said -- sexist oppressive shaming bullshit. It sucks. ♥

[grail76]

I think we're all embarrassed by our past beliefs and understandings.

[belenen]

oh no, I learned to be open through LJ, I was not open before that (probably not until 22-ish). It was very much an unlearning process for me, since I had to close off to survive living with my parents.