interrupting the connection between dislike/discomfort and judgement

[belenen]

I'm often taken as judgmental, yet I consider myself one of the least judgmental* people I know. I think this is because of the connection between dislike/discomfort and judgement. For most, the first leads to the second with almost no separation. "I don't like that style of relationship so it's bad and people who live it are bad. I don't like

Comments

[medleymisty]

Thank you.

I take judging really personally, and I have indeed ended/avoided relationships with people because I felt like they were judging me, when maybe they weren't, but after the hate and the emotional abuse and the secrets I am super sensitive to stuff like that.

Also thank you for sharing that you had to overcome stuff you'd learned from your society, because I also have trouble understanding that, not having grown up around mainstream society.

[fyrebard]

but if I trust the person, then instead of taking that next step and assuming that the expression equals a judgement, I will ask them to rephrase or clarify

I refer to this as "Speak first, edit second" - an expression of trust I offer people sometimes. It helps if there is something you want to communicate but you're not sure how to get it out appropriately. With "Speak first, edit second", you use what words you need to use to get the ideas/thoughts/feedback out of your mouth with the understanding the person you're speaking with will withhold expressing judgement/hurt until you are done speaking, at which point the person you're speaking with can ask for clarification on various points that maybe didn't come across appropriately. It's seriously magical in assisting the health of long term friendships particularly.

[classical_wolf]

Thank you for sharing ♥

I'm probably seen as judgemental, although truthfully, I only (honestly) dislike a lot of things.

[chillychilly22]

This was helpful. Like, a lot.

[roina_arwen]

It can be really hard to separate out pre-formed social judgments from our own feelings, and I think it's great that you work so hard to come to your own terms on issues.