healing from stress through extra time w topaz
lately everything has been super stressful for both me and Topaz and we've both been terribly busy so our time has been like thrice a week we eat dinner and watch a show together and then go to bed because we have neither the time nor the energy to do anything else.
After the dreadful awful snowcrappile of Tuesday, we saw each other on Wednesday and I just felt raw and uncomfortable with touch, despite having craved it and knowing that I still wanted it, and I realized that it was because we weren't focusing and I needed touch so much that the wrong kind (casual, unthinking) was hurting. so we set a timer for an hour and fifteen minutes and just cuddled, focused loving fullbody naked touch, and afterward I felt like I had skin on again for the first time in a full day. The rest of the day was low-key: we did some art and watched some shows and made food together, and even though we had quite a few raw upset moments we understood where they were coming from and didn't let them spin into sad messes. today was similar, and finally this evening we got to a point of full relaxation and were full of sills, laughing and laughing at everything. that is something I treasure, it's better than sex for feeling connected: making each other laugh and being totally unselfconscious and fully present in the moment. even though I felt damaged by the snow, I feel like the extra time Topaz and I have had is something we both needed and it feels good to have realigned, reconnected on that level.