Past: courage. I get the feeling you think you have used up all your courage getting to this point.
So, no surprise, I'm in the midst of a large career leap (a jump doesn't quite suit this...this is a leap) and I'm...beat. I'm spending my days studying for my boards and wondering if I'll even make it in this world. This is dead on. I keep wondering how I'm going to keep up the energy to face the next hurdle. And the one after that.
Present: past lives. I've never drawn this card before and feel unsure as to what it may mean. Looking at it I get a sense of conflict, a pressure from past selves to do something. Maybe you're feeling stuck? Like you're on a path you can't change because of the momentum built up. Or because of expectations you had of yourself.
It's the expectations I have of myself, I think. Like...I need to appease some version of me, perhaps the version that sacrificed everything to abruptly change everything that was wrong, including my career and my love life, and I'm afraid I'll never get past where I am now. I WANT to continue this path but I'm afraid to at the same time. And I think a lot of that fear is letting down everyone who's believed in me at some point.
Future: integration. When I saw this card I felt a sense of relief, like there is part of you you are afraid you'll have to sacrifice but you won't; you'll find a way to connect and balance them. The sense I get is of you standing firm about something important and the two things at odds gradually molding together because you won't let them have barriers between.
I'm still trying to figure out how that fits into my life right now. Except that I'm working on a healthy pattern of balance that will hopefully stick with me as I continue past the "study for boards" phase and enter the "do the actual job" phase. A balance with my relationships as well...that's been a struggle the past two years. I'd like to have both be in good places and myself be physically and emotionally healthy...so maybe that's where this is headed?
Vision: (...cut...) I feel like the message here is, let yourself in. You may find that you don't like what you find inside but you need to know it's your choice. You don't need to wait.
I feel like this is speaking directly to the misery of my world the past couple of years...imposter syndrome. "I don't belong here." "I'm not smart enough to be here." You saying "let yourself in" spoke very strongly to me.
I guess a lot of my issues are internal. I'm my own worst enemy at times, and I've known that to be true for as long as I can remember.
I think I needed to hear this. All of this. Thank you. So very much.
Past: courage. I get the feeling you think you have used up all your courage getting to this point.
So, no surprise, I'm in the midst of a large career leap (a jump doesn't quite suit this...this is a leap) and I'm...beat. I'm spending my days studying for my boards and wondering if I'll even make it in this world. This is dead on. I keep wondering how I'm going to keep up the energy to face the next hurdle. And the one after that.
Present: past lives. I've never drawn this card before and feel unsure as to what it may mean. Looking at it I get a sense of conflict, a pressure from past selves to do something. Maybe you're feeling stuck? Like you're on a path you can't change because of the momentum built up. Or because of expectations you had of yourself.
It's the expectations I have of myself, I think. Like...I need to appease some version of me, perhaps the version that sacrificed everything to abruptly change everything that was wrong, including my career and my love life, and I'm afraid I'll never get past where I am now. I WANT to continue this path but I'm afraid to at the same time. And I think a lot of that fear is letting down everyone who's believed in me at some point.
Future: integration. When I saw this card I felt a sense of relief, like there is part of you you are afraid you'll have to sacrifice but you won't; you'll find a way to connect and balance them. The sense I get is of you standing firm about something important and the two things at odds gradually molding together because you won't let them have barriers between.
I'm still trying to figure out how that fits into my life right now. Except that I'm working on a healthy pattern of balance that will hopefully stick with me as I continue past the "study for boards" phase and enter the "do the actual job" phase. A balance with my relationships as well...that's been a struggle the past two years. I'd like to have both be in good places and myself be physically and emotionally healthy...so maybe that's where this is headed?
Vision: (...cut...) I feel like the message here is, let yourself in. You may find that you don't like what you find inside but you need to know it's your choice. You don't need to wait.
I feel like this is speaking directly to the misery of my world the past couple of years...imposter syndrome. "I don't belong here." "I'm not smart enough to be here." You saying "let yourself in" spoke very strongly to me.
I guess a lot of my issues are internal. I'm my own worst enemy at times, and I've known that to be true for as long as I can remember.
I think I needed to hear this. All of this. Thank you. So very much.
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