my experience with MM last fall / falling fast and crashing / guard-guide-"dominance" realizations

[belenen]

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a person I'll call MM (don't want it to be searchable), who I met at my first TBC in 2011, and followed zir on twitter for the next year, feeling a great deal of admiration for zir thoughts and passion. When I went to TBC in 2012, I ended up staying at a mutual friends house with MM, as my flight was delayed

Comments

[zzzsleepyfoxzzz]

Hey. I'm really glad you posted this. Thank you. It was valuable for me to read because I had the sense that some very intense intimacy was happening between the two of you but M was never really able to articulate it to me. (Which is totally okay, of course. I don't need to know details about what goes on between my lovers and other people they're intimate with. It just helps me process my own complicated feelings when I do.)

For what it's worth, I'm sorry for any part I played in the pain you suffered during this experience. From the little I did know about what had happened between you and M -- both the intimacy and the communication difficulties -- it occurred to me that seeing our public interactions might be painful for you. That trip was a major turning point in my relationship with M also, and I actually had a long conversation with another partner of mine about how to best navigate the space between wanting to nurture the affection that was growing between us while, at the same time, being considerate towards the feelings of several others who might be watching. That's a particularly tricky space to navigate with someone who's as high-profile a public entity as M is -- it's something I've never done before and I'm still learning, but I'm sorry for any pain my (continued) clumsy learning curve caused you. It made me feel good to hear that you both did what you need to take care of yourself and that you felt able to follow again, because I really like you and appreciate your contributions in person and online.

Again, thank you for sharing so openly about what was obviously (and in some ways continues to be) a really challenging experience. Despite the fact that we have different relationships with M, they are not so dissimilar in other ways, and I have a lot of empathy for the frustration, confusion, and sadness in your post -- as well as for your strength and continuing to care. * offers hugs if you'd like them *

[belenen]

Well I like you too ;-) and feel free to talk to me anytime or ask me any questions about anything.

Please please don't feel at all worried about being gushy/lovey/happy, I 100% support anyone showing their love as effusively as they desire. My reaction is usually very different, but regardless, I don't think anyone should ever feel pressured to hide their love at all. My pain was caused by the situation and not by you.

*happily hugs back*

[zzzsleepyfoxzzz]

:)