talking about the dead / what I want to happen upon MY death! :D
I don't think it's any different to talk about the dead than the living. I'd love if people told the truth all the time, especially at funerals. It annoys me to see people paint dead folk as other than they were. I think people "don't speak ill of the dead" because they don't want ill spoken of THEM when THEY kick it. I don't mind if people complain about me after I'm dead, as long as the whole story is told. In fact, my ideal wake would be people telling stories of whatever felt most emotionally relevant -- stories of annoyances and joys and surprises and fights and love and laughter and anger and thought and wonderings. I want my "enemies" invited to come complain about me at my funeral -- and hey, if a fight breaks out that'd be AWESOME. Great emotion-releasing closure. Speaking of which...
What I Want To Happen Upon My Death: (if any of this is too expensive for whomever's taking care of this, you can change anything except don't you dare embalm me and put me in a coffin, or give me a stuffy hierarchical funeral where only certain people can speak. I want everyone who feels strongly to speak, and I want it to be chaotic.)
What to do for ceremony: before I'm planted, I want a gathering of people who knew me and had strong feelings about me (whatever kind those might be) to get together (potluck!) and drink espresso & coffee and tell stories about me. Ohh, and photos -- I want all my photos to be on a computer and people told to bring flash drives if they want some of my photos so that they can save whatever they want (hm, maybe I'll set up a set of my favorites of my shots for this purpose). If possible, I want my journal uploaded (comments included) to a self-publishing site for people to buy if they want a copy (unless I have money when I die, then I want my money to be used to print copies for whomever wants one, and to pay airfare for anyone who wants to come but can't afford it (in that order of importance)). I want the night to end in people dancing and drinking rum and making out (and fucking if they so desire) while my five-star favorite songs are playing. I don't want people to get inebriated-beyond-the-ability-to-self-caretake but if it happens, oh well. I want my ashes to be present for this awesome party.
What to do with my body: I want to be cremated, mixed with cinnamon and compost (preferably compost raised by someone who cares about me, but store-bought will do if no one has any), and planted under an 5-foot triangle of saplings -- black willow, myrrh, and yellow poplar (the myrrh needs to be older than the others since it grows much slower). I want this to happen on a small bit of land that isn't likely to be murdered for highway/sidewalk/buildings/etc, and I want the people who love me to buy it together. If my circle of friends is not poor at that point, I also want people to buy their favorite plant and plant it on that little plot of land, and while I'm daydreaming I'd like them to plant something of themselves in the process (a lock of hair or even spit). If anyone has a spiritual/religious ritual they want to do that doesn't interfere with those plans, I want them to do it (and I'd be happy if there was more than one).
What to do with my stuff: let my lifesharers (currently lil sis, Kyle, and shioneh, but hopefully more by then) take what they want, then my hearttribe, then whomever else. If there are things from my altar that no one wants, I want them left on the ground in the center of the three trees. If I have money (which I don't expect) then I want it to be parceled out evenly among my favorite non-profits and my lifesharers. If I have pets, let them go to whomever is most bonded with them.