I hold back a lot in the early stages of any romantic relationship because men, like 90% of the time, think that intensity and passion is suffocating. I'm just naturally like that when I care about someone, it sucks having to pretend I don't give a shit to avoid scaring someone away. :/ The older I get it seems more and more I have to do it.
I understand entirely. Free-flowing, label-less relationship are my forte. It's only when people start putting me in a box, or assigning me obligations, that I tend to run away from it all.
I miss you, dear. I still have a birthday present for you. Let's please get together soon, okay? We can listen to Ekova and sing and dance and drink and snuggle.
I know this isn't exactly what you are expressing, but I find that my preference for male or female bodied lovers cycles with my moon cycle. I haven't really figured out if it has to do with simple masculine of feminine archetypal energies or if it is truly a sexual thing, due to the current incarnation of my relationship.
I think it is amazing how clear you are with your preferences and the way in which you would like to relate/have relations with others. It isn't going to be right for everyone, but each "rejection" just creates more space and opportunity for the right person/situation to appear.
I definitely sympathize with you on this. On a somewhat related note, I actually had aspirations to get closer to women this year (maybe even get a girlfriend -- which is weird for me because I usually go looking for connections with people and not their gender or sex), as I've oddly never been comfortable around them, but that's sadly failed so far, as I still just freeze up with nerves around them. So much for flirting or creating deep friendships! :(
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I miss you, dear. I still have a birthday present for you. Let's please get together soon, okay? We can listen to Ekova and sing and dance and drink and snuggle.
xoxo,
-Locke
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I haven't really figured out if it has to do with simple masculine of feminine archetypal energies or if it is truly a sexual thing, due to the current incarnation of my relationship.
I think it is amazing how clear you are with your preferences and the way in which you would like to relate/have relations with others. It isn't going to be right for everyone, but each "rejection" just creates more space and opportunity for the right person/situation to appear.
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"Why can't I just be SUPER-EFFUSIVE-JAMES without being perceived as WANTS-TO-SUBSUME-YOU-JAMES?"
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