This reminds me so much of my ex-boyfriend and occasional lover... They sound much alike. My heart goes out to you, because I know what it can be like to live with.
IMO, this doesn't sound like it's a terribly fair relationship space for you to exist in. As always, I'm guessing there's more but too much to explain in the space of a blog entry, and I understand that. Your advice (along with many others) about Matt and I was very helpful, and I'd like to repeat it: it doesn't sound like you're getting everything you need and deserve. I don't mean this in a "I'm throwing this in your face way", but because it's the first thing that came to mind. In any case, this sounds rough and I am sorry.
Many hugs, much love, and things to brighten your days. Let me know if you need anything.
One more set of virtual arms to hug you, here, and a voice of "been in a vaguely similar place once" to note: Yeah, when a support-crew partner stops being a support-crew partner, a lazy-efficiency partner has been known to shift zir definition of efficiency to include less or different lazy. At least until a new support-crew partner turns up. Doesn't make the act of quitting the support-crew gig much easier, but there it is.
I did my ex-husband more good by leaving him than I ever did by staying. And isn't that a dog of a thing to realise?
murrh, that post was more about a separate issue -- whether or not to be partners and what I want out of life in general. This is about whether or not to be involved at all (as lovers). It's a really tangled mess, layer on layer of interconnected stuff :-p
Yeah, that's one of the things I wonder. I can't live with someone I love without giving affection, but if that reinforces a problem, it becomes a problem in itself. :-p I do know that for us to continue, major change is necessary.
People change and interests fluctuate. Maybe that's what's happened.
I used to be in love with someone back in the early 90s who wanted to "preserve vital essence" so physical affection was out of the question. We had great fun spending time together and I invested so much energy trying to get physical affection. It eventually happened and the relationship fell apart anyway.
The irony is that after I divorced my last ex-husband I swore that what I wanted was someone who would be very physically affectionate. Now I have that and find Josh to be too grabby. I got what I thought I wanted then realized that is not really what I wanted. I have no idea what I want but it surely does not fall on either polar end of the extremes for behavior.
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Many hugs, much love, and things to brighten your days. Let me know if you need anything.
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I understand this post better now.
One more set of virtual arms to hug you, here, and a voice of "been in a vaguely similar place once" to note: Yeah, when a support-crew partner stops being a support-crew partner, a lazy-efficiency partner has been known to shift zir definition of efficiency to include less or different lazy. At least until a new support-crew partner turns up. Doesn't make the act of quitting the support-crew gig much easier, but there it is.
I did my ex-husband more good by leaving him than I ever did by staying.
And isn't that a dog of a thing to realise?
Take care of you, yeah?
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Yeah, that's one of the things I wonder. I can't live with someone I love without giving affection, but if that reinforces a problem, it becomes a problem in itself. :-p I do know that for us to continue, major change is necessary.
*hugs back* thank you ♥
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I used to be in love with someone back in the early 90s who wanted to "preserve vital essence" so physical affection was out of the question. We had great fun spending time together and I invested so much energy trying to get physical affection. It eventually happened and the relationship fell apart anyway.
The irony is that after I divorced my last ex-husband I swore that what I wanted was someone who would be very physically affectionate. Now I have that and find Josh to be too grabby. I got what I thought I wanted then realized that is not really what I wanted. I have no idea what I want but it surely does not fall on either polar end of the extremes for behavior.
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