taking a phone break with Aurilion / blurry-eyed with confusion
I mentioned that I usually talk with Aurilion for an hour or two every day -- this has been our habit for most of our relationship, with a few days off here and there. On the 5th, we decided to try a two-week break from talking, to sort of restart/refresh our relationship. It's been a really intense, confusing, illuminating time (especially as it has overlapped with my post-every-day project AND one of my partner's 6-day 9-9 shifts (AKA hell week)). I'm looking forward to talking again, but I'm nervous, because I don't know where this will lead. I'd really like some clarity on it...
wow. I don't think I have EVER felt so confused in my LIFE as I have the past few weeks. I feel like I'm writhing in endless strands of silk. You know how you have those dreams where you can't quite manage to open your eyes and everything is blurry? That's what it feels like, ugh. I mean, it's not all bad because I like the feeling of emerging into a new self and uncertainty doesn't scare me like it used to but OH is it confusing!
this tiny little thing took me two hours to write :-/