Comments | belenen: struggles with lack of direction, desire / giving advice vs. sharing experiences

belenen

struggles with lack of direction, desire / giving advice vs. sharing experiences

Feb 23, 2009 15:30

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lovetech, the essential belenen collection, communication / words

Comments 20

finding_helena February 23 2009, 21:05:33 UTC

According to the personality type theory I have read, this is actually fairly common--some people prefer to communicate by "role-informing", where they offer information and let the other person decide what role they want to play in the interaction, and other people prefer to communicate by "role-directing", where they direct the other person what to do and in so doing assign the roles each is going to play in the interaction. Sounds to me like your preference is for role-informing. I'll try to remember that. I myself am very much a directing type, and I don't mind either when other people direct me. But I know I don't actually know the right answer for anyone, I just have suggestions, so I always try to phrase them along the lines of "You might try xxx because of yyy". The strongest I will get as far as "you should" is "you should consider", to allow for the possibility that they already considered it. I wouldn't want to tell somebody they should try something, in case they already tried it or are aware of it and aren't interested, ( ... )

adamantplatypus February 23 2009, 21:23:30 UTC

I try to phrase my help as "Perhaps consider..." so that the idea is out there, but it's not like "OH MY GOD TOTALLY DO THIS".

:D

mermaiden February 23 2009, 21:23:46 UTC

Oh, honey, I'm sorry you've been going through that. :/ *sending love*

When I feel that way, I take a walk or try to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Maybe that might help? *HUGS*

writer_lilies February 23 2009, 21:43:58 UTC

I'm sorry if I've given advice without you asking for it. It's my nature to try to help people fix problems. Thing is, it pisses me off when my mom does that because sometimes I just want someone to hear what I have to say. So I'm on both sides of the fence.

Just a thought folkchick3 February 23 2009, 21:45:22 UTC

No commands, no advice, no "fix it" answers (even if I had them).... I am just sending positive energies and wishes for you.
You are in my thoughts, and I am sending hope for a renewal of Joy.
Spring is coming - and you are an amazingly beautiful butterfly. I am certain the trees miss your sweet spirit. Perhaps they can offer healing? Trees never say "you should" or "you ought to". Mostly they say "Child welcome home".