dream (I see spirit colors & shapes and am disbelieved) / spiritual vs. physical reality
I was at a house with wooden walls and wood floors, waiting for my two friends to show up. They came in, a guy and a girl, both thick and strong-looking (neither looked like anyone I know). We talked a little, happy and loud, and then the guy vaulted over the back of the couch and went in the kitchen. As he did so, I very clearly SAW (rather than merely sensed) his spirit in balls of color, vertically (kinda like chakra stuff, but there were only three, I think) and then once he was in the kitchen, I saw three wolf-spirits run after him and circle around him, joyfully jumping around because he was happy. (they weren't full size, they were in proportion to the balls of light rather than his body) I was so incredibly thrilled and honored to see that, and see it SO CLEARLY (their forms were translucent but much sharper than everything else). So I told them both about it, thinking they would be excited, and the girl looked at me strangely and the guy looked blank and neither said anything. And I was like, "what? don't you believe me? and the girl said, "Well, wolves don't circle, so you must be wrong." And I said, "well maybe they usually don't, but those three just DID because I saw them!" And she started getting offended that I would question her because she knew tons about wolves, and I was sooooo upset that she didn't believe me, and I cried so hard I woke myself up, and after I was awake the feeling stayed with me and I kept crying.
as I was typing this up, I realized that at the time that I told my parents something that I completely believed and they told me I must be imagining things, I might have seen something spiritual and interpreted it as physical because I was too young to see a difference. That would make sense, because I vaguely remember being CERTAIN that I had seen something -- faeries I think? or a unicorn? and telling my parents, and being the literal people they are, they would have tried to beat it into my head that it was just imagination because after all, faeries don't exist. At least in the physical world, and that's the real world, right? And the tragic thing is, if that did happen, I think I would have blocked off my own ability to see spiritual things because they 'weren't real.'
and the dream was SO REAL that I feel like I actually have had the experience of seeing spirit colors and shapes. and I think it meant something more, too, I think it's about my fears of expressing spiritual things because people might interpret them in very literal ways. And I think it was wolves because I've been thinking about them a lot... and I've been thinking about spirit shapes and animal totems, all in a subconscious not-yet-expressible way. Tomorrow I get to see lovely Kazi and SabR ♥ and I want to talk to them about all this because I think they understand things about this that I don't yet.
and for the 80millionth time, I wish I had a Native American Shaman or teacher to teach me. Or if I could just take a class on Native American spirituality or something... I may not have the bloodlines, but I was born here and so were my parents and their parents, and they all loved this land, and that makes this land, and her spirit, a vital part of me.