time with my evil twin / growing up
On Monday I went out for about an hour with Kristen B, or my 'evil twin' as she refers to herself. I've known her for about seven years now... when we first met, we thought it necessary that we be friends because we had the same first name and we both spelled it right. (most people spell it Kristin or Christin, bleh)
I was kinda dreading it, because although we were great friends when I was a teenager (so so long ago, hah), the last few times we've gotten together have left me drained and depressed. Kristen has a very strong personality, and she is Blunt. (not blunt, Blunt) Last time we met, she spent a lot of time scolding me for not keeping in touch more, told me that I had become boring since I got married, and unintentionally belittled me by telling me that she could see me as a youth worship leader, but not a contracted singer (which, by the way, is a very important dream/plan of mine).
This time, she still scolded me a little, but seemed more light-hearted rather than angry, and she didn't harp on it or anything. She still told me that I had become boring, but this time I asked her what she meant by that and she didn't have an answer. I was hurt last time, but this time I feel like I understand why she says that. I don't know exactly what it is that she expects from me... maybe I used to be more hyper, though I don't remember that being the case until late at night when we'd giggle and whisper under the covers and everything was so funny. But I think the reason she says that is because she can't get as excited about spending time with me, and so she wants me to somehow raise her excitement level. Eh, whatevah.
She likes to think of herself as a badass. And she kinda is -- I can't imagine anyone ever pissing her off and not regretting it. But she's also a bit of a goody-goody (and she admits it). It's odd being with her because I feel simultaneously less powerful and more powerful than she is. Less powerful because I'm not so outspoken and forceful, but more so because I'm more mature and openminded.
It was fun, though, spending time with her. We went to the local coffeehouse and sat down with our delicious java and talked, catching up on each other's lives. I listened to her talk about her clashes with her parents, and remembered what PJ had said last time at church -- that people assume that the godly thing to do in a clash is work it out, when sometimes God wants you to create some space, especially in parent/child relationships. She's almost 20 and she's been having clashes with her parents for a long while -- now she's finally to the point where she feels she needs to move out. I told her it's about time!
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I think you can be mature even while you live with your parents, but I don't think you are an adult until you move out and support yourself. There's something about having full responsibility for your actions that changes you. If you live with your parents and you do something irresponsible at work and get fired, so what? You still have a place to sleep and food to eat. Knowing that you are in charge of everything that happens in your life is very different than having your basic needs taken care of by someone else.
But the biggest and most important thing about not living with your parents? You discover who you are. You start to question all those ideas that you have believed to be truth, and maybe you throw some of your parents' ideas away. There's a very real tie in financial support that does not allow you to question their ideas, at least not to the point of actual change.
I was kinda dreading it, because although we were great friends when I was a teenager (so so long ago, hah), the last few times we've gotten together have left me drained and depressed. Kristen has a very strong personality, and she is Blunt. (not blunt, Blunt) Last time we met, she spent a lot of time scolding me for not keeping in touch more, told me that I had become boring since I got married, and unintentionally belittled me by telling me that she could see me as a youth worship leader, but not a contracted singer (which, by the way, is a very important dream/plan of mine).
This time, she still scolded me a little, but seemed more light-hearted rather than angry, and she didn't harp on it or anything. She still told me that I had become boring, but this time I asked her what she meant by that and she didn't have an answer. I was hurt last time, but this time I feel like I understand why she says that. I don't know exactly what it is that she expects from me... maybe I used to be more hyper, though I don't remember that being the case until late at night when we'd giggle and whisper under the covers and everything was so funny. But I think the reason she says that is because she can't get as excited about spending time with me, and so she wants me to somehow raise her excitement level. Eh, whatevah.
She likes to think of herself as a badass. And she kinda is -- I can't imagine anyone ever pissing her off and not regretting it. But she's also a bit of a goody-goody (and she admits it). It's odd being with her because I feel simultaneously less powerful and more powerful than she is. Less powerful because I'm not so outspoken and forceful, but more so because I'm more mature and openminded.
It was fun, though, spending time with her. We went to the local coffeehouse and sat down with our delicious java and talked, catching up on each other's lives. I listened to her talk about her clashes with her parents, and remembered what PJ had said last time at church -- that people assume that the godly thing to do in a clash is work it out, when sometimes God wants you to create some space, especially in parent/child relationships. She's almost 20 and she's been having clashes with her parents for a long while -- now she's finally to the point where she feels she needs to move out. I told her it's about time!
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I think you can be mature even while you live with your parents, but I don't think you are an adult until you move out and support yourself. There's something about having full responsibility for your actions that changes you. If you live with your parents and you do something irresponsible at work and get fired, so what? You still have a place to sleep and food to eat. Knowing that you are in charge of everything that happens in your life is very different than having your basic needs taken care of by someone else.
But the biggest and most important thing about not living with your parents? You discover who you are. You start to question all those ideas that you have believed to be truth, and maybe you throw some of your parents' ideas away. There's a very real tie in financial support that does not allow you to question their ideas, at least not to the point of actual change.