Fitness Quest 2006
So about two weeks ago I had an unfortunate revelation. The unholy alliance of holiday meals, travel, working out of my car, being busy at work, and just a general state of “bummed out” have combined to make me tubbly again. No, I’m not fat, I’m just not [remotely] near where I need to be. And no, John, this isn’t a New Year’s resolution, so blow it out your ass. My only recourse is to drag my sorry ass back into the gym. Yay.
Here’s my new workout schedule:
Monday: Volleyball
Tuesday: Run 3-4 miles, Volleyball
Wednesday: Arms, Shoulders, Abs, Legs
Thursday: Run 4-5 miles, Volleyball
Friday: Rest (Thank God)
Saturday: Chest, Back, Abs, Legs
Sunday: Make-up workout or full-body
I know that’s a lot of time in the gym, but let’s face it, it’s not like I have anything else to do to keep me busy after work. Now after about a week and a half of this workout, I’ve come to remember why I slacked off in the first place: I. Hate. Exercising. Running, it makes me tired. Weights, those things are heavy! Sports, I just get frustrated when I screw up. Life would be so much easier if I could just sit on the couch, naked, eating Cheetos™ and watching pornography. Unfortunately, I don’t think that will help me.
Also, one of my coworkers suggested a new protein supplement shake mix for after my workouts. He said it has great flavors. I never did those things before but I’ve found out that, apparently, after you finish working out, your body tries to eat itself. I don’t really like the sound of that. You’re supposed to have 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight per day. YikesI don’t do the creatine or any of that crap, just protein. So now, instead of tasting like chocolate butthole, my after-workout shake tastes like strawberry butthole. Quite an improvement.
As I prepare for another morning of hardly being able to get myself out of bed and walk around, I ask myself, “Self, why in God’s good name am I doing this?” and “Is this worth it?” The truth is, I don’t really know why I’m doing it, but I’m sure that somehow, in some way, women are to blame.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go limp off to bed before I stiffen up to much sitting here.
Oh, and I was just kidding about the Cheetos™ and the pornography. I don’t really like Cheetos™ all that much.
Here’s my new workout schedule:
Monday: Volleyball
Tuesday: Run 3-4 miles, Volleyball
Wednesday: Arms, Shoulders, Abs, Legs
Thursday: Run 4-5 miles, Volleyball
Friday: Rest (Thank God)
Saturday: Chest, Back, Abs, Legs
Sunday: Make-up workout or full-body
I know that’s a lot of time in the gym, but let’s face it, it’s not like I have anything else to do to keep me busy after work. Now after about a week and a half of this workout, I’ve come to remember why I slacked off in the first place: I. Hate. Exercising. Running, it makes me tired. Weights, those things are heavy! Sports, I just get frustrated when I screw up. Life would be so much easier if I could just sit on the couch, naked, eating Cheetos™ and watching pornography. Unfortunately, I don’t think that will help me.
Also, one of my coworkers suggested a new protein supplement shake mix for after my workouts. He said it has great flavors. I never did those things before but I’ve found out that, apparently, after you finish working out, your body tries to eat itself. I don’t really like the sound of that. You’re supposed to have 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight per day. YikesI don’t do the creatine or any of that crap, just protein. So now, instead of tasting like chocolate butthole, my after-workout shake tastes like strawberry butthole. Quite an improvement.
As I prepare for another morning of hardly being able to get myself out of bed and walk around, I ask myself, “Self, why in God’s good name am I doing this?” and “Is this worth it?” The truth is, I don’t really know why I’m doing it, but I’m sure that somehow, in some way, women are to blame.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go limp off to bed before I stiffen up to much sitting here.
Oh, and I was just kidding about the Cheetos™ and the pornography. I don’t really like Cheetos™ all that much.