Bribery
I have a work story for you all.
For those who won't know, I work in a small convienence store. I sell Cigs and beer and shit mostly.
Anyways, for those of you who dont drink, or don't live in Arizona, it is illegal to sell alcoholic beverages after 2am.
So, at 1:55am every night/morning, I lock up the cooler doors, move the beer display back away from the door (whos fucking idea is it to keep it there anyways?) and inform the next 2-10 people who come in from 2:01-2:15 that no, I can't sell you beer, its after 2....no, YOUR watch says 1:58, my register says 2:01, so I cant legally sell it.
Then they cuss me out and leave.
Last night tho, something different happened.
After all the said activites were performed by me listed above, at 2:03 a guy came in. He had obviously been drinking, but, certainly wasnt drunk. No disheveled clothing, no blood shot eyes, he could talk/walk/balance just fine, he didnt reek of booze on the breath, nadda.
So he goes over and tries to force the cooler door open a few times (not understanding it could possibly be locked) and then I inform him its after 2pm, I cant sell anymore man, so its locked up.
He spends the next 20 seconds in total astonishment, like I had just sucker punched him in the gut, looking back to me, the beer, and his watch, which was obviously stating something other than 2:03.
"Aww c'mon man, its only 3 mins past! You can open it up for me!"
"Sure I can, but I cant sell ya anything man. If they see a sale after 2, I lose my job"
"Ah your fucking with me right? Cmon open this up man, I'll give you $20"
----*Note* I've been bribed one other time for 20 bucks, but the man had an obvious reason, he had an ALMOST passed out female in the car, he obviously intended to do many bad things with that night, but she was still sober/concious enough to refute him, so he was trying to get her more booze, this guy was alone, and was trying to open the SINGLE CAN beer door. IE: He wanted *1* can of beer, keep this in mind----
"Hey I'd love to take your money man, but I can't do it, register time is 2:03"
"Dude, there wont be a sale. You can pay for it later! C'mon, $20 bucks!"
"Heh, man im telling ya, I can't do that either. Were on camera right now *pointing to the 11 fricken cameras on us* and if I letcha leave with a beer, im history"
"FINE! $40!"
*Me thinking* You've gotta be shitting me....
"Can't do it ma..."
"How much is it gonna take?"
"Dude I ca..."
"$60!"
"Man I..."
"FINE FUCK! *reaches into his pocket producing a handful of 20 dollar bills, which he then slams on the counter in front of me* THERE! HUNDRED BUCKS MAN! LEMME GET A DAMN BEER!"
Jeezus...
At this point, I simply cannot believe this. 100 dollars for a can of beer. Had it not been for the cameras, and consider im quitting this job in the next month, I'd honestly consider this if I thought I could get away with it. If for no other reason than to keep the $100 bill for the sake of this amazingly dumb story.
Why is this beer so important to this guy? Its suddenly the nectar of fucking life.
Hes not getting beer for a party, hes not trying to liquor up some girl, hes not a raving drunk...well hes raving but, trust me, he was "sober", just not sane. I simply can't fathom wtf is so god damn important about this beer.
So I tell him...
"look man, trust me, if I could, I'd love to take your cash, REALLY, I would but it'll be my ass man, I can't sell ya any booze or let ya walk out with any"
"What the FUCK man! Fine, fuck this! God I cannot believe this!"
And he storms out the door, jumps in his oversized truck, pulls out backwards at about 40mph, does 3 donuts in the parking lot leaving tire trails, and spins out of there.
Clearly, hes a well adjusted individual. What the flaming fuck?
Now, I tried to find some perspective for this story. Whats something *I* love, that I'd spend alot of money on. I figure, since beer has never even been remotely close to that important to me, and I cant see any reason EVER for someone to need a beer so bad they'd pay 100 bucks for something thats $1.39.
So I think and think......Round Table Pizza.
For those of you poor folks who have never tasted Round Table Pizza, it is the food of the gods. By far and away the best pizza in the universe. Its extremely rare in Arizona (may be gone now sadly) and I miss it greatly.
Its pricy tho, but its a price I always pay GLADLY.
A normal extra large meat lovers pizza is about 25 bucks. I've been called crazy etc for doing that instead of getting like 6 pizzas at Pizza hut or whatever, but then they taste the pizza, and they understand.
Its like the difference in a steak from a BBQ place on the corner, and a 5 star big wigs LA resturant.
So I put this perspective on it and look at the cash related value of pleasure.
I would prolly be willing to pay $35 dollars for a pizza like I mentioned above. Yes, I realize thats a total ripoff but, I'd do it. It's worth that much to me. Anything near or over $40, I think I'd have to pass (or get a smaller pizza!)
So now, a normal X-Large all meat with a standard mail coupon from Pizza hut WITH delivery is like 14 bucks.
Im willing to pay an increase of $21 dollars for my pleasure. If I was better at math, I'd work the %'s out on that, but its a substantial % of the base value to be sure.
This man, was willing to pay $100 dollars for an item priced at $1.39.
$98 dollars and change increase. Someone do THAT % increase for me!
Also, my pizza, can take 2 days to eat, its several fulfilling meals.
Thats 1 can of beer. It wont get ya drunk, its barely a buzz, its gone in 10 mins, and it wont quench your thirst.
Why? Anyone?
Im so confused....
Anywho, thats my story from work. G'night!
For those who won't know, I work in a small convienence store. I sell Cigs and beer and shit mostly.
Anyways, for those of you who dont drink, or don't live in Arizona, it is illegal to sell alcoholic beverages after 2am.
So, at 1:55am every night/morning, I lock up the cooler doors, move the beer display back away from the door (whos fucking idea is it to keep it there anyways?) and inform the next 2-10 people who come in from 2:01-2:15 that no, I can't sell you beer, its after 2....no, YOUR watch says 1:58, my register says 2:01, so I cant legally sell it.
Then they cuss me out and leave.
Last night tho, something different happened.
After all the said activites were performed by me listed above, at 2:03 a guy came in. He had obviously been drinking, but, certainly wasnt drunk. No disheveled clothing, no blood shot eyes, he could talk/walk/balance just fine, he didnt reek of booze on the breath, nadda.
So he goes over and tries to force the cooler door open a few times (not understanding it could possibly be locked) and then I inform him its after 2pm, I cant sell anymore man, so its locked up.
He spends the next 20 seconds in total astonishment, like I had just sucker punched him in the gut, looking back to me, the beer, and his watch, which was obviously stating something other than 2:03.
"Aww c'mon man, its only 3 mins past! You can open it up for me!"
"Sure I can, but I cant sell ya anything man. If they see a sale after 2, I lose my job"
"Ah your fucking with me right? Cmon open this up man, I'll give you $20"
----*Note* I've been bribed one other time for 20 bucks, but the man had an obvious reason, he had an ALMOST passed out female in the car, he obviously intended to do many bad things with that night, but she was still sober/concious enough to refute him, so he was trying to get her more booze, this guy was alone, and was trying to open the SINGLE CAN beer door. IE: He wanted *1* can of beer, keep this in mind----
"Hey I'd love to take your money man, but I can't do it, register time is 2:03"
"Dude, there wont be a sale. You can pay for it later! C'mon, $20 bucks!"
"Heh, man im telling ya, I can't do that either. Were on camera right now *pointing to the 11 fricken cameras on us* and if I letcha leave with a beer, im history"
"FINE! $40!"
*Me thinking* You've gotta be shitting me....
"Can't do it ma..."
"How much is it gonna take?"
"Dude I ca..."
"$60!"
"Man I..."
"FINE FUCK! *reaches into his pocket producing a handful of 20 dollar bills, which he then slams on the counter in front of me* THERE! HUNDRED BUCKS MAN! LEMME GET A DAMN BEER!"
Jeezus...
At this point, I simply cannot believe this. 100 dollars for a can of beer. Had it not been for the cameras, and consider im quitting this job in the next month, I'd honestly consider this if I thought I could get away with it. If for no other reason than to keep the $100 bill for the sake of this amazingly dumb story.
Why is this beer so important to this guy? Its suddenly the nectar of fucking life.
Hes not getting beer for a party, hes not trying to liquor up some girl, hes not a raving drunk...well hes raving but, trust me, he was "sober", just not sane. I simply can't fathom wtf is so god damn important about this beer.
So I tell him...
"look man, trust me, if I could, I'd love to take your cash, REALLY, I would but it'll be my ass man, I can't sell ya any booze or let ya walk out with any"
"What the FUCK man! Fine, fuck this! God I cannot believe this!"
And he storms out the door, jumps in his oversized truck, pulls out backwards at about 40mph, does 3 donuts in the parking lot leaving tire trails, and spins out of there.
Clearly, hes a well adjusted individual. What the flaming fuck?
Now, I tried to find some perspective for this story. Whats something *I* love, that I'd spend alot of money on. I figure, since beer has never even been remotely close to that important to me, and I cant see any reason EVER for someone to need a beer so bad they'd pay 100 bucks for something thats $1.39.
So I think and think......Round Table Pizza.
For those of you poor folks who have never tasted Round Table Pizza, it is the food of the gods. By far and away the best pizza in the universe. Its extremely rare in Arizona (may be gone now sadly) and I miss it greatly.
Its pricy tho, but its a price I always pay GLADLY.
A normal extra large meat lovers pizza is about 25 bucks. I've been called crazy etc for doing that instead of getting like 6 pizzas at Pizza hut or whatever, but then they taste the pizza, and they understand.
Its like the difference in a steak from a BBQ place on the corner, and a 5 star big wigs LA resturant.
So I put this perspective on it and look at the cash related value of pleasure.
I would prolly be willing to pay $35 dollars for a pizza like I mentioned above. Yes, I realize thats a total ripoff but, I'd do it. It's worth that much to me. Anything near or over $40, I think I'd have to pass (or get a smaller pizza!)
So now, a normal X-Large all meat with a standard mail coupon from Pizza hut WITH delivery is like 14 bucks.
Im willing to pay an increase of $21 dollars for my pleasure. If I was better at math, I'd work the %'s out on that, but its a substantial % of the base value to be sure.
This man, was willing to pay $100 dollars for an item priced at $1.39.
$98 dollars and change increase. Someone do THAT % increase for me!
Also, my pizza, can take 2 days to eat, its several fulfilling meals.
Thats 1 can of beer. It wont get ya drunk, its barely a buzz, its gone in 10 mins, and it wont quench your thirst.
Why? Anyone?
Im so confused....
Anywho, thats my story from work. G'night!