Redesign your destiny with love. 1/? (Cara/Kahlan)
Title: Redesign your destiny with love 1/?
Author: belamordsith (Ana)
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan (with a little bit Richard/Kahlan)
Rating: PG
Summary: Feelings are the most complicated thing in this world.
Warnings: This is the first part of a fanfiction that can be of epic proportions (I mean that it will be very long) and can sometimes be a bit sad. I really like the actresses who play Cara and Kahlan, so this fanfic is based far more on the series than in the books.
Disclaimer: Copyrights associated with Legend of the Seeker and the Sword of Truth do not belong to me.
Other: Please, Comments are welcome.
♦♦♦♦
Cara was seated, as it was already habitual, opposite to the fire. One more night, again, in another unexpected camp, along with her trip partners.
More than a month since the death of Leo, “curious little man” - she thought in those moments. Leo melted her heart. Enough to make her believe, that after years of hard and cruel training, and not feeling, she had fallen in love with him.
When she knew him, she knew that he was the new Seeker, Zedd and the Mother Confessor dictated it in this way. At first to know him, she was irresolute, but after his continuous sweet talk, she thought that maybe, a "Richard" should exist for her. For some reason she had always envied the relation of Richard and Kahlan, and she had wondered deep down inside, if someone like Richard would exist for her.
She remembered how in that strange night, in which she had sex with Leo, her mind betrayed her in the worst moment, when Kahlan images were the only thing in her mind. She didn’t want attach importance to this situation, supposing that maybe it was for her desire to found someone like Richard. Then that battle came in the Vale of the Perdition. It was an arduous battle, where difficult decisions had to be taken. There were those moments from which you could learn more about yourself. But if she thought about this, she hadn’t a clue.
Leo had died for saving the Mother Confessor, he had given his life for her, there was no quandary. But also he had died because, in those moments, Cara put, protecting Kahlan, as her maximum priority, perhaps her only priority. She knew perfectly that not only it was one "perhaps", for Cara it had been completely and blindly, her only priority. Possibly if she had remained next to Leo, they might have protected between all Kahlan, but when she saw the Nicci weapon flying towards Kahlan, she had no time to reason anything, when she had been already running and had put herself in the middle of the trajectory to stop it with her Mord Sith’s magic. The following thing that she was reminding was Leo being burned by the Nicci magic.
She tried to erase of her memory those thoughts. She gave a fast glance to the camp, Zedd was already sleeping, however, Richard and Kahlan was in the other side of the bonfire, curling up, and sharing discreet caresses, while they were smiling mutually. A feeling of unease sensation covered her body, and she decided to get up to give a night walk. She got up and immediately afterwards she felt two looks fixed in her.
- I am going to go for a walk … - she said turned in the opposite direction to Kahlan and Richard.
- Are you fine? - Richard asked.
- Yes, only that I don’t feel sleepy … and … I am going to go for a walk - she said smiling slightly. She continued her way. Although it was completely night, her training had made her able of seeing in the darkness. Soon, she found an open space lit by the full moon, she looked for a place to sit down and found a big and smooth stone, where it might be comfortable.
She tried to clarify her mind, again she began to think about Leo, about that battle. She was feeling guilty for Leo's death. But not only it was that… she was wondering, because from about so much time, she was always taking care of the Mother Confessor, and of everything what had to do with her. She tough about the times that she had put herself in the way of the attack of some villain, or the times when she take care of Kahlan’s horse, or her belongings. Richard had asked her to take care of her, as it was taking care of him, and Cara had a debt to Kahlan for not having confessed or condemned her to the death in the occasion that she had …(after knowing that Cara has killed her sister) but it was not only that. All those thoughts were tormenting her, she remembered also like sometimes Kahlan take care of her, nobody had ever worried the most minimal thing about her, before meeting Richard. She didn’t understand because, while she was thinking about Kahlan, she feels pins and needles covering her stomach, she was becoming nervous, and everything what she could see was Kahlan’s smile, Kahlan’s blue eyes, and she could listen Kahlan sweet voice. Even his way of fighting together, was like a perfect dance, and both understood each other in a way in which it had never understood each other with anybody.
Was it what she was thinking that it was? She couldn’t be sure, because like Mord Sith the first thing that she learned was that the love didn’t exist, that it was only one more strategy of combat, a strategy to do weaker to your opposite. And this way was the way that she was feeling in these moments, dweeb. Although, she was always boasting about that she could have everyone that she wanted, she never could have Kahlan. That woman, apart from the most similar thing to a friend who she had, was Lord Rahl “property“. And he was the only person who had trusted blindly in her when the others didn’t do it. The love between Richard and Kahlan was immortal, “The Seeker” and “The Mother Confessor” there was no way in which she could remove Richard of the equation.
She was so anxious for the situation that she struck the stone where she was seated, while she screamed load out all her desperation. Her shout was interrupted by a sweet voice and when she realized, opposite to her eyes was Kahlan, her look reflected worry, so intuitively, Cara took her Agiels.
- What has happened? - Cara got up ready to fight.
- Calm down, nothing has happened - she said putting a hand in Cara’s shoulder - I come to see you.
- Do you come to see me and nothing has happened? Are you fine? - she asked suspiciously, trying to recover her role of cold Mord Sith again.
- That’s funny, cause it’s the same that I wanted to ask you…
- I am perfect, I already said it to you - she put into her defensive mood.
- So, this scream was for…?
- I was only trying to relax, confessor … there has not been a good battle in the last days … I get bored … - the silence comes for a second - which does not mean that anything happens to me - added while she saw as Kahlan was sitting down next to her.
- It is not necessary to me to read you to know that you are not fine Cara … don’t try to lie to me, I believe that we have enough confidence to not return to the past.
- … ok - she answered not very convinced, turning to sit.
- Is this for Leo? - Kahlan asked directly, although with a delicate tone.
- Yes, and not … I … it’s for many things … but I feel thousands of things … and a Mord … - was trying to explain.
- And a Mord Sith doesn’t feel, you are not used.
- It’s annoying to me to be like that … - she said almost angry.
- Are you angry for have feelings?
- I can’t control my emotions, and it makes me weak, they taught me how control my emotions, so that I even was suppressing them … if I am not able of somethings … I am not a Mord Sith … and if I am not a Mord Sith… What the fuck am I?
- I do not think that you are weak, you can be thousands of things, but not a weak person. And it’s true, you aren’t a Mord Sith … because you are much more than that.
- Really? So… illuminate me Mother Confessor …
- You are an attractive woman, you are a formidable warrior, you are brave, loyal, you are learning to be a better person, a Mord Sith can’t change, you, Cara, do it … and that does not make you a weak person, it makes you strong and deigns of admiration.
- I had no idea… that you were thinking something like that about me … although I’m not agree completely … I suppose that … thank you - Cara didn’t quite believe the words of the confessor.
Kahlan smiled to her with one of her best smiles.
- Why shouldn’t I think something like that about you?
- It’s obvious… I kill your sister, and I did thousand atrocities more. Does the memory trump you?
- You did ALL that when you were a Mord Sith, but however much it weighs you … you are not a monster, you are not the bad one of this story, you are one of the good ones, you are one member of our family, and I am glad that you are here with me - her voice sounded strong and determined, without a pinch of doubt.
Now the whole puzzle was fitted, Cara couldn’t deny it, she had fallen in love with Kahlan, and because her heart she was in a hard problem. She hoped that Kahlan shouldn’t read her.
- Thanks for your words, now you can come back with Richard, surely he miss you, you not must to worry him.
- Cara stops trying to get away from people... stops trying to get away from me. I want to be here, I will not leave you alone … we are like sisters, and we must take care of the each other.
- I am fine… I said it to you…. I don’t need that you take care of me … I don’t need that anybody takes care of me - Kahlan was right, Cara was always trying to escape from people, but also this time, Cara was afraid about her feelings, and how Kahlan made her feel at that moment, with those words.
But Kahlan did not make a bit of movement to get up from Cara’s side. Instead, she remained at her side, watching the moon.
- Well, go, stay, do what you want - Cara protested in exasperation.
But Kahlan didn't answer, just a smile.
Cara began to don't understand, so she decided to ask.
- Kahlan?
- Yes, tell me ... - answered, looking her with kindness.
- When... Leo ... you told me that I could tell him how much I cared for him, because we live in a dangerous world, and we don't know what will happen tomorrow.
- Exactly, I remember ... - she said with a sadness tone, remembering what happened after that.
- Why waste your time with me when you should be with Richard?
Kahlan looked at Cara, incredulous of that the Mord Sith began to open her heart
- Cara… Richard is fine in the camp. And I care for you a lot and I am where I want to be in these moments. Don’t worry, now, about Richard, I know what I’m doing.
Kahlan and Cara smiled each other with tenderness.
- Thanks Kahlan… Thanks to tell me that you care for me… and to care for me - Cara was so nervous that all the words was going out without think - And to be with me here right now.
Kahlan put her hand on Cara's knee and nodded.
- Kahlan… - said the Mord-Sith.
- What?
- I only want that you know… that I care for you too - said with a bittersweet smile.
Author: belamordsith (Ana)
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan (with a little bit Richard/Kahlan)
Rating: PG
Summary: Feelings are the most complicated thing in this world.
Warnings: This is the first part of a fanfiction that can be of epic proportions (I mean that it will be very long) and can sometimes be a bit sad. I really like the actresses who play Cara and Kahlan, so this fanfic is based far more on the series than in the books.
Disclaimer: Copyrights associated with Legend of the Seeker and the Sword of Truth do not belong to me.
Other: Please, Comments are welcome.
♦♦♦♦
Cara was seated, as it was already habitual, opposite to the fire. One more night, again, in another unexpected camp, along with her trip partners.
More than a month since the death of Leo, “curious little man” - she thought in those moments. Leo melted her heart. Enough to make her believe, that after years of hard and cruel training, and not feeling, she had fallen in love with him.
When she knew him, she knew that he was the new Seeker, Zedd and the Mother Confessor dictated it in this way. At first to know him, she was irresolute, but after his continuous sweet talk, she thought that maybe, a "Richard" should exist for her. For some reason she had always envied the relation of Richard and Kahlan, and she had wondered deep down inside, if someone like Richard would exist for her.
She remembered how in that strange night, in which she had sex with Leo, her mind betrayed her in the worst moment, when Kahlan images were the only thing in her mind. She didn’t want attach importance to this situation, supposing that maybe it was for her desire to found someone like Richard. Then that battle came in the Vale of the Perdition. It was an arduous battle, where difficult decisions had to be taken. There were those moments from which you could learn more about yourself. But if she thought about this, she hadn’t a clue.
Leo had died for saving the Mother Confessor, he had given his life for her, there was no quandary. But also he had died because, in those moments, Cara put, protecting Kahlan, as her maximum priority, perhaps her only priority. She knew perfectly that not only it was one "perhaps", for Cara it had been completely and blindly, her only priority. Possibly if she had remained next to Leo, they might have protected between all Kahlan, but when she saw the Nicci weapon flying towards Kahlan, she had no time to reason anything, when she had been already running and had put herself in the middle of the trajectory to stop it with her Mord Sith’s magic. The following thing that she was reminding was Leo being burned by the Nicci magic.
She tried to erase of her memory those thoughts. She gave a fast glance to the camp, Zedd was already sleeping, however, Richard and Kahlan was in the other side of the bonfire, curling up, and sharing discreet caresses, while they were smiling mutually. A feeling of unease sensation covered her body, and she decided to get up to give a night walk. She got up and immediately afterwards she felt two looks fixed in her.
- I am going to go for a walk … - she said turned in the opposite direction to Kahlan and Richard.
- Are you fine? - Richard asked.
- Yes, only that I don’t feel sleepy … and … I am going to go for a walk - she said smiling slightly. She continued her way. Although it was completely night, her training had made her able of seeing in the darkness. Soon, she found an open space lit by the full moon, she looked for a place to sit down and found a big and smooth stone, where it might be comfortable.
She tried to clarify her mind, again she began to think about Leo, about that battle. She was feeling guilty for Leo's death. But not only it was that… she was wondering, because from about so much time, she was always taking care of the Mother Confessor, and of everything what had to do with her. She tough about the times that she had put herself in the way of the attack of some villain, or the times when she take care of Kahlan’s horse, or her belongings. Richard had asked her to take care of her, as it was taking care of him, and Cara had a debt to Kahlan for not having confessed or condemned her to the death in the occasion that she had …(after knowing that Cara has killed her sister) but it was not only that. All those thoughts were tormenting her, she remembered also like sometimes Kahlan take care of her, nobody had ever worried the most minimal thing about her, before meeting Richard. She didn’t understand because, while she was thinking about Kahlan, she feels pins and needles covering her stomach, she was becoming nervous, and everything what she could see was Kahlan’s smile, Kahlan’s blue eyes, and she could listen Kahlan sweet voice. Even his way of fighting together, was like a perfect dance, and both understood each other in a way in which it had never understood each other with anybody.
Was it what she was thinking that it was? She couldn’t be sure, because like Mord Sith the first thing that she learned was that the love didn’t exist, that it was only one more strategy of combat, a strategy to do weaker to your opposite. And this way was the way that she was feeling in these moments, dweeb. Although, she was always boasting about that she could have everyone that she wanted, she never could have Kahlan. That woman, apart from the most similar thing to a friend who she had, was Lord Rahl “property“. And he was the only person who had trusted blindly in her when the others didn’t do it. The love between Richard and Kahlan was immortal, “The Seeker” and “The Mother Confessor” there was no way in which she could remove Richard of the equation.
She was so anxious for the situation that she struck the stone where she was seated, while she screamed load out all her desperation. Her shout was interrupted by a sweet voice and when she realized, opposite to her eyes was Kahlan, her look reflected worry, so intuitively, Cara took her Agiels.
- What has happened? - Cara got up ready to fight.
- Calm down, nothing has happened - she said putting a hand in Cara’s shoulder - I come to see you.
- Do you come to see me and nothing has happened? Are you fine? - she asked suspiciously, trying to recover her role of cold Mord Sith again.
- That’s funny, cause it’s the same that I wanted to ask you…
- I am perfect, I already said it to you - she put into her defensive mood.
- So, this scream was for…?
- I was only trying to relax, confessor … there has not been a good battle in the last days … I get bored … - the silence comes for a second - which does not mean that anything happens to me - added while she saw as Kahlan was sitting down next to her.
- It is not necessary to me to read you to know that you are not fine Cara … don’t try to lie to me, I believe that we have enough confidence to not return to the past.
- … ok - she answered not very convinced, turning to sit.
- Is this for Leo? - Kahlan asked directly, although with a delicate tone.
- Yes, and not … I … it’s for many things … but I feel thousands of things … and a Mord … - was trying to explain.
- And a Mord Sith doesn’t feel, you are not used.
- It’s annoying to me to be like that … - she said almost angry.
- Are you angry for have feelings?
- I can’t control my emotions, and it makes me weak, they taught me how control my emotions, so that I even was suppressing them … if I am not able of somethings … I am not a Mord Sith … and if I am not a Mord Sith… What the fuck am I?
- I do not think that you are weak, you can be thousands of things, but not a weak person. And it’s true, you aren’t a Mord Sith … because you are much more than that.
- Really? So… illuminate me Mother Confessor …
- You are an attractive woman, you are a formidable warrior, you are brave, loyal, you are learning to be a better person, a Mord Sith can’t change, you, Cara, do it … and that does not make you a weak person, it makes you strong and deigns of admiration.
- I had no idea… that you were thinking something like that about me … although I’m not agree completely … I suppose that … thank you - Cara didn’t quite believe the words of the confessor.
Kahlan smiled to her with one of her best smiles.
- Why shouldn’t I think something like that about you?
- It’s obvious… I kill your sister, and I did thousand atrocities more. Does the memory trump you?
- You did ALL that when you were a Mord Sith, but however much it weighs you … you are not a monster, you are not the bad one of this story, you are one of the good ones, you are one member of our family, and I am glad that you are here with me - her voice sounded strong and determined, without a pinch of doubt.
Now the whole puzzle was fitted, Cara couldn’t deny it, she had fallen in love with Kahlan, and because her heart she was in a hard problem. She hoped that Kahlan shouldn’t read her.
- Thanks for your words, now you can come back with Richard, surely he miss you, you not must to worry him.
- Cara stops trying to get away from people... stops trying to get away from me. I want to be here, I will not leave you alone … we are like sisters, and we must take care of the each other.
- I am fine… I said it to you…. I don’t need that you take care of me … I don’t need that anybody takes care of me - Kahlan was right, Cara was always trying to escape from people, but also this time, Cara was afraid about her feelings, and how Kahlan made her feel at that moment, with those words.
But Kahlan did not make a bit of movement to get up from Cara’s side. Instead, she remained at her side, watching the moon.
- Well, go, stay, do what you want - Cara protested in exasperation.
But Kahlan didn't answer, just a smile.
Cara began to don't understand, so she decided to ask.
- Kahlan?
- Yes, tell me ... - answered, looking her with kindness.
- When... Leo ... you told me that I could tell him how much I cared for him, because we live in a dangerous world, and we don't know what will happen tomorrow.
- Exactly, I remember ... - she said with a sadness tone, remembering what happened after that.
- Why waste your time with me when you should be with Richard?
Kahlan looked at Cara, incredulous of that the Mord Sith began to open her heart
- Cara… Richard is fine in the camp. And I care for you a lot and I am where I want to be in these moments. Don’t worry, now, about Richard, I know what I’m doing.
Kahlan and Cara smiled each other with tenderness.
- Thanks Kahlan… Thanks to tell me that you care for me… and to care for me - Cara was so nervous that all the words was going out without think - And to be with me here right now.
Kahlan put her hand on Cara's knee and nodded.
- Kahlan… - said the Mord-Sith.
- What?
- I only want that you know… that I care for you too - said with a bittersweet smile.