i'm sorry...
well today has been many things... last night i stayed up most of the night with my cousin who i just love to death. he's so much like an older brother to me. i get to see him once or twice a year and we all stay up drinking and talking and playing cards and such. it's so much fun. but in light of recent events he is disappointed in me. it hurts me so much more than he will ever know.
this afternoon i got up and watched lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events. very good movie. rather dark and depressing but given my mood as of late i enjoyed it. i enjoyed it very much. after that i took a nice hot bath then talked online for a bit. then a wonderful friend of mine called to see if i wanted to do something with him tonight. i love him to death, much like a little brother, but he confuses me so much! he won't call me for weeks on end then he'll want me to do something with him out of nowhere. he'll treat me one moment like i'm his best friend, the next like i'm his big sister. a few moments later he'll tell me i'm the most beautiful girl he's ever met and he's so sorry he ever hurt me, then he won't call me for weeks at a time. i don't know. i just don't know. i went and saw him for a little while tonight. talked to him and his mom (who is also a great friend of mine) about this move. they both want me to be cautious, but are really happy for me. i wasn't expecting much support from them, but i'm very glad it's there. i need all i can get at this point.
so now i sit here. i don't know what to do. how to make things better. seems i never really do. i think if i do make things better it's usually a fluke. my real talent? fucking things up...
this afternoon i got up and watched lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events. very good movie. rather dark and depressing but given my mood as of late i enjoyed it. i enjoyed it very much. after that i took a nice hot bath then talked online for a bit. then a wonderful friend of mine called to see if i wanted to do something with him tonight. i love him to death, much like a little brother, but he confuses me so much! he won't call me for weeks on end then he'll want me to do something with him out of nowhere. he'll treat me one moment like i'm his best friend, the next like i'm his big sister. a few moments later he'll tell me i'm the most beautiful girl he's ever met and he's so sorry he ever hurt me, then he won't call me for weeks at a time. i don't know. i just don't know. i went and saw him for a little while tonight. talked to him and his mom (who is also a great friend of mine) about this move. they both want me to be cautious, but are really happy for me. i wasn't expecting much support from them, but i'm very glad it's there. i need all i can get at this point.
so now i sit here. i don't know what to do. how to make things better. seems i never really do. i think if i do make things better it's usually a fluke. my real talent? fucking things up...