Sep 25, 2011 20:40
We had been fighting for nearly fives days now, from dusk till dawn my world had become a nonstop battle for survival. Between the demons and the humans brave enough to tame them, Tokyo had descended into a state that could be called Hell on Earth. But tonight, all of that was the least of my concerns as I sat back to a tall tree contemplating how to end all this and save not only myself and my friends, but all of humanity. It was a heavy burden that called for deep contemplation and thought. The paths open before me were few, either tag along with Gin and set things back to how they were or follow my beloved older cousin and become the king of demons. If it had been anyone but Naoya asking for such a thing the choice would have been obvious but the fact that he was involved complicated matters. I've loved him since I was seven and nothing in the world could make me betray him. Even if the face of the entire world lay on the line, I still had to think twice about going against the whims of my beloved.
As I sat beneath a tree on the verge of Fall, I slowly went over my memories of him in my head. I had first met Naoya was I was seven and he was fourteen, his parents had been had to leave the country on business which meant my older cousin would be staying with us for quite some time. For those first few years Naoya filled the role of an older brother and did everything one would expect of a boy in such a role. Everyday after school he would walk me home from school and every night he would help me with my homework. Even if he was aloof at times, he was as caring a brother figure as anyone could ever hope for. Though I had friends at school, I found myself spending more time with Naoya then anyone else. I was to young to know what exactly what I was feeling back then. But, looking back, I was in love with him even back then.
Years went by and I entered Jr. High School while Naoya had entered high school the previous year. Due to school, and Naoya's suddenly busy love life, we no longer had the time together I had so treasured just a short time ago. The little time we did spend together came on the weekend, and only if Naoya was not consumed by his programming work. Our gatherings had grown awkward in time as my age came to a time when a boy my age would have turned to the various girls around me. Except in my case, it didn't. The only person on my mind was Naoya. This fact led to various, and increasingly obvious attempts to get him to notice me.
I started by intently sitting beside him as he worked and cheerfully asking various inane questions as to what was going on. None of this seemed to phase my older cousin, little did after all. His apathy only made me try harder to gain his attention. From laying across his lap as he sat and read a book to vein attempts to instigate cuddling, nothing I did seemed to change anything between us. After nearly two months of failure I was ready to give up, during that weekend's meeting I simply laid on Naoya's bed and stared deeply into the ceiling for nearly half an hour. The strained silence was only broken when Naoya slowly rose from his seated position before his laptop and gently lay down beside me.
"Tsukasa..." He said running his hands slowly though my azure-colored hair. "You've been acting very strange lately, would you care to tell me why?" The gaze extending from his blood red eyes was comforting and aggravating at the same time. For all the time I wasted trying to turn his sight towards me, all I had to do was lay here and do nothing! I would have screamed if Naoya had no suddenly wrapped his lanky arms around my waist and brought my body ever so close to his own. My heart and mind began to race as I clamored to find a reason for such an embrace. "You don't have to answer, I can read you like a book." Before I could react to his statement, Naoya had already gone to work and planted a lingering kiss upon my increasingly red cheek. "Your feelings are fairly transparent, little brother. But, sadly, I do not have an answer for your unspoken question. Perhaps next time..." With those words, my older cousin released me from his grasp and left the room without speaking another word. Meanwhile, I was left to determine what all of it meant. As I could find nothing better to explain Naoya's actions, I imagine things really would have to wait until next time we met...
***
But that wait, which started in my mind as a matter of days, stretched in months and then years. Shortly after out little "tryst" Naoya moved out of the little apartment and into the adult world. He had said he was doing so, but in my heart I couldn't shake the feeling that his departure was spurred my admission of love. Racked with guilt and a dread that I may never see him again, all I could do as Naoya walked out of my life was cry. And cry I did every night for nearly a month. I got little sleep, the whole Naoya left both in my heart and my bed were simply to much to bear. I considered visiting him many, many, times but simply could not muster the courage, or the funds, to make such a trip.
In time I was able to stifle my feelings and seal them away within the darker recesses of my soul. While not free of my desires, I was able to live as if I was. My grades, which had suffered in the wake of Naoya's absence, eventually recovered and my romantic life flourished as I managed to go on a number of dates with several different girls, though it was all an effort to fill the void that Naoya had left lingering in my heart. No girl, or boy for that matter, could replace him. Even now, as far as I was concerned it was my destiny to be with my elder cousin. Though my life was far from eternally dark, Yuzu and Atsuro made sure of that, I could never fully shake the feeling that my life would never truly be complete without "him" in it. Even with that in mind, I never did visit Naoya. This was mostly due to the fact that while part of my mind feared rejection, I feared the reciprocation of my feelings even more. I doubted my friends, let alone my mother and father, would understand how I felt about Naoya for more reasons then I could count on both my hands.
That fear kept me from ever visiting my beloved. I simply kept living as if his absence didn't matter and that my life was the same as it had ever been. That normalcy, while comforting, was far from how I wanted things to be. I longed for something different from life, which largely meant mustering the will to see him after three long years of avoidance and denial. Fate seemed to have the same plans in mind as I was finally reunited with my cousin the day before the beginning of the Lock Down. While his message seemed mostly concerned with strange vision of the future, and the COMPs he was so willing to lone me and my friends, a completely different different matter dominated my racing mind. After turning to leave me with only game in hand, I chased after Naoya for a moment and cried out for him as if this was my last chance at reestablish the relationship we once shared.
"Naoya!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
"Oh, hello my little cousin. Did you forget something during our little chat?" Naoya's worlds remained calm as ever, in fact nothing ever seemed to faze his pale facade. As my cousin stopped and locked his gaze in line with my own, I simply nodded in response. I could feel that he knew what I was about to ask, but simply wished to hear my sad attempt to divine his confession.
"Do you have an answer for me?" I forced my words through my chattering teeth. An aura of nervousness hung around my being as I waited for Naoya's response. Three years of waiting lie behind such a question and, not matter the answer, strong emotions would pour forth upon it's long overdue resolution. Naoya seemed to know this as well, as he plastered his usual brand of devilish smile across his face.
"My answer is yes, Tsukasa. However to which question that is an answer and the conditions of my answer are a matter for another day. If you wish to know more I suggest you follow my lead in the coming days." With those words Naoya disappeared down a nearby ally, again leaving me along with my thoughts. Now, at least, I knew what I had to do. If I were to resolve all of this I must follow my cousin...
boy!tsukasa,
fic,
ou!tsukasa