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Millar’s Birth Story
Ok.. so here it is, long and uncut…. It was and will always remain a very emotional time for me.. as I said, very long story.. but it’s all part of it so I feel has to be included.
On Liv’s first birthday last year (8th April), we found out my dear uncle Curtis was diagnosed with Lymphoma (cancer of the lymphatic system). Very upsetting for us because a) he’s the only uncle I’ve ever really known, have always been extremely close to him and he has always been very protective of me, being his first born neice and b)lymphatic cancer is very unforgiving. Anyways, after the initial shock, we were all very positive about him being able to beat it. As the year went on, it became obvious, that he probably wasn’t going to beat it as there was always bad news regarding his test results. My mum and her other brother were tested for bone marrow compatibility for stem cell and bone marrow transplantation as a means for a hopeful remission.
In August last year, when I found out I was pregnant, my mum told my grandfather, that this baby was going to replace my uncle. I scoffed at the thought, he wasn’t going to die, and I don’t believe in that psychobabble talk regarding the reborn, or reincarnate or spirit swapping or whatever, I mean shit, I don’t even know the right words to call it all by!!
As the pregnancy went on, albeit smoother than liv’s, but not without it’s hiccups none-the-less, Uncle Curtis has gone through all kinds of treatment, with no real improvement, and if anything, just become sicker and sicker with each bout of chemotherapy. Again, it was voiced by my mother and now Clint too, that this baby would take the place of Uncle Curtis, my mum adamant it was to be a boy, me still scoffing at the idea the baby would take the place of Uncle Curtis, and adamant it was a girl!
In Feb/March this year, it was decided that bone marrow transplant was pretty much the only option Uncle Curtis had left, Im still in denial really that his going to die and not really giving it much thought if any, however, things were put into place for the transplant and basically, what was to be his last round of chemo was started. As far as we knew, the transplant was just waiting to start.
This year, because I was going to be so heavily pregnant for Liv’s birthday, I decided not to do anything huge for her, and being as how it is my mum’s birthday three days before Liv’s, I offered to have mum over for dinner, and they could both celebrate it together with a cake and I’d cook dinner. Perfect, I could relax and not have to worry about being huge, and having to cater for a bunch of kids/adults when I just did not have the energy.
When mum arrived on the Friday nite (8th April) for dinner, I was on the phone to my brother in the UK. Mum’s first words on entry into the house were “I have some bad news for you” I instantly knew it would be about Uncle Curtis as it was all consuming while we waited to hear of his impending transplant. I told my brother to hang on while mum told me what was going on. Apparently, Uncle Curtis’ cancer had rapidly spread over a very short period of time and basically, a bone marrow transplant would be useless and he was given a week to ten days to live. I could see the devastation in my mum as she was about to lose her brother. We’ve never had anyone in the family apart from really old people (great grandies) die on us. Mum decided to fly out to Melbourne to be with Uncle Curtis and her family on the Sunday nite. However, during our birthday dinner, I started having contractions. We timed them and sure enough between 5-7 mins apart. Not intense tho, just regular tightenings. This was a bit freaky, as I still had a week or so before my due date AND it was Liv’s birthday, imagine if I had had them on the same day!!! Anyways, Mum headed off home about 10pm ish and I ventured to bed, with little more than the odd tightening now and then, it became apparent, I wasn’t having this baby on Liv’s birthday. I told my mum I’d try to hold out till she got home from Melbourne as I know she really wanted to be a part of the baby’s birth. She was also to look after Liv for us, now we were going to have to ask Clint’s mum to do so.
As the week progress on, mum left for Melbourne on the Sunday nite (10th April) and we went about our usual day to day bullshit, me ringing mum everyday to see how things were going over in Melbourne. On the Wednesday (13th April) when I spoke to mum, she told me that Uncle Curtis was doing quite well and was sitting up in bed, nattering away etc, we joked that the bastard was going to go longer than 10 days and even said, he’d still be kicking on in a month or so being the buggar that he was.
During the early hours of Thursday (14th April) morning, I woke up about 1.30am, with more contractions. They were more intense than the previous Friday nite and were quite regular, enough for me not to be able to sleep, so I sat up watching infomercials all nite timing them. The were between 3-10 mins apart, so quite irregular, and not intense enough for me to worry about too much, or wake Clint, or ring the hospital etc. As it turned out, I had an OB appt at 9.30am, so I figured if nothing happened between now and then, I’d go as normal to that appt and see what she had to say. Sure enough at 9.30am I headed on out to OB appt, still having contractions. When I got there, she asked me how I was and I told her I’d been up most of the night with contractions. She examined me and told me I was 3cm dilated.. WOOO HOOO.. baby is on it’s way I thought. She told me she wanted me to go to the hospital and have a CTG (to check fetal movement etc) and to head into the hospital when I felt I couldn’t cope with the contractions anymore or my waters broke etc. I did have a bit of high blood pressure which I hadn’t had through the pregnancy, but I think that was just from tiredness and the fact that I knew birth was soon.
I tried to get hold of Clint (who I had sent off to work that morning) to tell him what was going on but the phone was engaged, so I rang mum instead. As soon as she answered, I knew something bad had happened as she was quite teary. Apparently, Uncle Curtis had taken a turn for the worst over night and was now unconscious and would probably die in the next day or so. I couldn’t believe it, just the day before, he was sitting up and doing quite well considering. The news was all too much and I said bye to mum and tried Clint again. As soon as he answered, I burst into tears and told him to come home. I think all he managed to get from me was that I was in labour and Uncle Curtis was dying. Clint was also quite close to my Uncle as they worked together for some time. Plus, on recent trips to Melbourne, he’d visited Curtis and we stayed with him when we last were there.
I left the OB clinic and took a drive to clear my head, as I needed to go to medicare to lodge some claims and get Liv some nappies. I headed on home around lunch time and Clint and I headed on up to the hospital for the test I needed to have done. Liv was in daycare so we were child free while I came to terms with what was going on with everything.
At the hospital, the did the CTG test which showed the baby was moving fine but I had a blood pressure of 150/100 which is way too high. They told me they wanted me to stay in hospital but I was adamant to go home and get Liv and sort stuff out. I promised them I’d be back in the next 24 hours if I felt sick or my waters broke or I had a bad headache or contractions became too intense. Being as how I was also having a second child, they thought it be best if I stayed but I really needed to sort stuff out with myself and Liv so that I knew everything was ok for me to go into hospital and I wouldn’t worry.
We ventured home, picking Liv up on the way and then when we got home, I swung into action packing her a bag and finishing up with hospital bag which still needed a few things added. I then had a shower and relaxed on the couch while clint rang his mum and told her what was going on and could she come and collect Liv so that if things happened in the middle of the night, we wouldn’t have to call them out to get Liv in a rush and Liv would be well settled and none the wiser of anything odd happening.
About and hour later, Clint’s mum arrived with an overnight bag for herself. She was staying at our house!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT IN MY PLAN!! I wanted to be Liv free and for it to just me and Clint while I laboured at home. I certainly did not want to be grunting, groaning, pacing, feeling weird etc in front of his mum. It didn’t matter what I said tho, she would not go home. This really pissed me off. I was now uncomfortable in my own house, not having the birth event I wanted AND I needed sleep but couldn’t do so coz I felt weird sleeping when I she was there. She told me she would be “on tenterhooks” if she went home??????????????????? And that Liv would feel better in her own bed etc????????????????? (this considering Liv’ LUVS sleeping out at her grandparents and this considering that Clint’s mum always goes on about how much Liv loves it at her place???????????) To top it off, about 6pm, her husband rocked up too!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, don’t get me wrong, I adore her husband.. but I don’t want to be labouring in front of him, Christ, I wouldn’t to be labouring in front of my best friends for crying out loud.
Anyways, come 6.30pm, I decided to go to the hospital, as I didn’t feel comfortable at home anymore and wanted it to be just me and Clint, and I knew the only way that was going to happen was in the hospital. We got into hospital and I was admitted to the ward, where I was re-examined, only to find I had only dilated another 1cm!!! I tossed up about going home again, but they told me they wanted me to stay as I was 4cm and my blood pressure was still a bit too high and considering Clint’s mum was still at home, and Clint was even pissed off about her adamancy to stay and feeling like we were kicked out of our own house (she kept telling us we should go to the hospital now/soon, when are we going etc???) that we decided we would stay. So we stayed, watched some telly, ate some sandwiches, clint fell asleep on the hospital bed with me for a while (they gave me some temazepam to help me sleep as I had been up for over 24 hours, was exhausted, and emotional, and they said that when the contractions were strong and regular, that they’d wake me up rather than just waiting for them to come on). I slept for about 2-3 hours finally and then woke up with NO contractions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I left clint asleep on the bed while I walked the hospital halls, made myself a hot chocolate, chatted to some girl who had just had a baby and was sitting in the TV room, then decided to head back to the room and bounce on the birth ball for a while. This managed to start my contractions back up they were still irregular, however, getting ever so slightly stronger with each one. I was hoping the bouncing on the ball would break my waters… I asked them to break them but they said they couldn’t as I was a private patient and this had to be done by my OB. They said I just wasn’t in established labour yet and this was confirmed when I was re-examined and was still only 4cm. This nearly broke my heart.
By the time the sun started coming up, I had bounced nearly all night on the bloody birth ball, had taken numerous phone calls and text messages from Clint’s mum (jees woman, I’ll tell you if anything is happening for fucks’ sake), was having semi-regular and more intense contractions and was hoping to god that my OB would come in and break my waters on her way to work. I was pretty sure that would be the case. She knew I had come into the hospital. About 8am, I had a very intense contraction which made me cry. Just as I got over it but was still teary, the midwife came in to see how I was. She saw I was upset and told me she would go and ask the senior midwife if they could break my waters. I was hoping to god this would be the case. I had been up for virtually 48 hours by now give or take and was very exhausted and emotional and was wondering how I would be able to get through true labour in this state!!
About 2 minutes later, the midwife (who I ended up becoming very friendly with, she is a year older than me and as we talked more and more during my hospital stay, discovered we knew some of the same people etc. such a small world, anyhoo, we swapped email addresses and are organising to catch up for a coffee soon!) came back and told me that my OB had just rung and was on her way into break my waters so could I be taken to birth suite.. YEEEFUCKENHAW.. .the joy on my AND Clint’s faces must have been as clear as day.
I rang my mum to tell her what was happening and she said that there was no change with Uncle Curtis, he was still unconscious.
We headed on down to birth suite and low and behold, I was admitted to the very same suite I gave birth to Liv in two years and one week ago to the day, spooky as I think there are about 6 or so birth suites. I was greeted by two new midwives as the girl I had through the night and become quite friendly with was finishing her shift. She told me she’d see me tonight with my new baby, I said “what if I haven’t had it by then” she said “oh, you’ll have had it by then, I can guarantee it!. I was offered the spa but declined.
I was in the toilet and clint was making coffee when my OB turned up. I came out of the toilet and she was getting “stuff” ready to go. First off, she asked me if I wanted and epidural, I said “NO!! not after last time”, she said “are you sure”, I said Im positive.” She put an IV bung in my hand and said if breaking my waters didn’t bring established labour on by lunch time, she was going to get some synotocin happening and that she knew I didn’t want to be induced with drugs, but if she let me go on, I could be like this in non-established labour for anything from a few hours more to a week or so more!!!!!!!!! FUCK THAT!!! Plus, obviously, once she broke my waters, I couldn’t be left for too long because of infection risk etc…I didn’t mind having my labour “augmented” with the water breaking but I really didn’t want inducing agents, however, I was exhausted and knew I couldn’t go on like this for days, I was now thinking “bring on the induction agents!!!” She broke my waters at about 8.40am (Friday morning 15 April) and then commented that there was meconium staining and that it was probably a good thing that we got the ball rolling as the baby needed to be out sooner rather than later. She then left and said to the midwives to call her if anything happened as she needed to be there for the actual birth (of course!)
She then left and before I knew it, I had a massive contraction that had me almost leaping off the bed. I looked at clint and said “jees, that’s a bit intense, must be my body reacting to the water’s breaking, I bet I go on for ages yet” Again, within a minute or so, another massive contraction that had me crying out in pain. The midwives said that if I kept contracting like that, I’d have the baby by lunch time for sure. They offered me pethidine but I didn’t feel like I needed it yet. I had another two or three contractions and found my self asking for the gas. The Midwives then told me that I’d be having this baby by 9am if I kept going like this. I tried to use the gas for the next contraction but it was so intense, all I could do was scream and cry out in agony. In between contractions tho, I found myself totally focusing on relaxing and found I could manage relaxation this time round a lot better than I could when having Liv. That must be one of the differences between induction and non-induced labour. I remember constantly looking at the ceiling and I do remember thinking that I couldn’t go on like this for two long. It was extremely painful.
After another contraction, clint told me to sit better on the bed as I kept hoisting myself up and off to the left with each contraction and he thought I was going to wind up on the floor!! I knew I was ok tho, and this was the only way I could mange the pain. Another contraction came, I tried the gas again, to no avail, when it was over, I apologised for all the noise I was making (cut to later on that night, I was in the nursery visiting Millar in his humidicrib and another girl was in there with her baby. She had just had her little boy, it was her third son, turns out, she was in the birth suite opposite me, had her water’s broken at the same time as me and then didn’t have her baby till about 5.30pm!!! she was so jealous of me, however, she said she heard every yell and scream I made. Apparently, her eldest son said to her “mummy, that lady sounds like she is in a lot of pain”. How embarrassment!!! She said she was so jealous of my delivery speed tho, especially as it was only my second and it was her third! She also told me that she hated hearing me however as it was a reminder of what she was about to go through. I do remember seeing all of her family in the waiting room opposite us tho.. Her mum also told her that she’d better get a move on as I had just left birth suite and she was still going!!)
I think I had one more contraction during which time, I heard the midwives saying to get the OB back ASAP. All of a sudden, my eyes went funny and I felt Millar’s head just coming out. I wasn’t even consciously pushing him, my body was doing it all on it’s own. With one massive long contraction, his head was out. I was yelling blue murder and I knew I was grunting and calling out like some medievil primitive god knows what. I kept putting my hand down on my vagina and the midwives kept removing it. But I kept putting it back there. I noticed another midwife bringing in the baby warmer, and commenting that it wouldn’t be warmed up before he was out! I asked clint if the head was out as I didn’t want to look. He just nodded at me. I asked them to get the rest of the baby out. They told me to just pant my breathing as they had to check for the cord (which was around his neck) and then he had to turn. Another massive contraction and I felt his shoulders and the rest of him slither out. It was 9.09am. I had only been in established labour for 30 minutes. They put Millar on my belly then turned him around so I could see what sex he was. They cut him free, took him over to the warmer to do all those bits and bobs while I delivered the placenta. I felt like crap until that came out but as soon as it was out, I felt like a brand new woman. It’s amazing. Do you know, I hadn’t even shifted a hair out of place, nor had I even worked up a sweat! They checked me for tears (yes, a small one and some grazing) and then carried on taking care of Millar. He was having some initial breathing trouble, brought on they believe, by the speedy birth. Clint cut the rest of his cord and was all teary at the arrival of his baby boy. He then held Millar with some oxygen for him while we waited for the OB to arrive. It became apparent that Millar was going to need to go into an oxygenated humidicrib and need reviewing by a paediatrician. So that was organised.
Finally my OB arrived, she had only just got to her practise which was about 10 minutes away when the told her to come back. Of course, she didn’t make it in time and was shocked to see how quick it had happened. She stitched me up, congratulated me and was on her merry way again.
Clint went to ring my mum and tell her what was going on. He came back crying more than he was when he’d left and told me that my Uncle Curtis had just passed away. Half an hour after Millar’s birth……………………………
So, that’s the jist of it. Millar and Uncle Curtis it seemed were in sync with each other… Curtis’ departure so soon after Millar’s arrival, and all the coinciding events in the year leading up to it and especially, the week prior to Millar’s birth and Uncle Curtis’ death to the hour. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away definitely in this case. Hence, Millar’s name is Millar Jack Curtis in memory of his great uncle. I think Uncle Curtis held on till he knew Millar was here and ok.. and Millar hurried into this world at a rate of knots, knowing Curtis had to go…
I love my little man.. and his birth was fantastic.. makes me want to do it all over again…
RIP my dear Uncle Curtis, I feel like I have a part of you here with me, and I will always think of you on Millar’s birthday, your death day, and I know you are here with me somehow in Millar.
I have just about finished bleeding now, three weeks post-partum. We have a brilliant breast feeding relationship, i had hardly any sore nipples with only slight grazing for a day or so...and he is a b/feeding CHAMP. He is healthy, adorable and a really good baby, only waking once during the night for a feed and going straight back to sleep with no fussing. Liv loves him to bits and I am finding things just happening easily and not worrying about anything. I had no pain downstairs, and had no trouble passing any "motions" or wee wee's after the birth.. definintly a better birthing experience than my first. So all in all, aside from the obvious above, I had a brilliant and beautiful birth...
I hope I haven't forgotten anything.. im sure I have and will think later "shit, i forgot to add that bit" but really, this is the majority of it..