(no subject)
I figured it was about time for me to make a new post.
The school year is finally over, and it has been a year from hell.
My brother started doing heroin again. He attemped to go to an inpatient facility and walked out less than 24 hours after going in. He is currently at a different inpatient facility and doing much better. He's been there for almost two weeks.
My dad was hospitalized again and in very severe condition. He almost died but by some miracle he pulled through and is recovering.
My brother-in-law Mark passed away after going through many months of treatment for a very aggressive cancer. It is very difficult to see Kim going through this, and knowing how much anguish she is in. Every day dad talks to her and attempts to comfort her, but only time will have any real impact.
As for me... well...
I spent New Year's at the beach house with Matt, Rei, Mooni, Alison, and Suzanne. It was a fantastic time.
In the first week of July I drove Alison to northern PA without realizing how serious her situaion with her mom was, and stopped talking to her for quite a while. That day in and of itself was good, however, as Matt came with me and we visited Ella in Reading and then went to see Rei at his apartment in PA. I did, however, get a speeding ticket. Which was lame.
Early february had me staying at Johanna's with Charlie while they were in Florida. Maryland got struck by an insane blizzard. It was at this time that Dad was in the hospital. Everything was horirble. I can't even remember the level of tension I was feeling, only that I thought I was going to go crazy. It was absolutely ridiculous.
My birthday was pretty uneventful, though I got some awesome stuff. Including a bike that I have yet to ride. If the weather is actually NICE out for ONE DAY when I'm not working, I hope to be able to do so.
I don't really remember March, except that my court date was on St. Patty's Day and I stayed with Rei the night before and the night following. He made really good food and on St. Patty's day a bunch of his friends were over. A good time was had by all, though I slept through half of it. Two glasses of wine and a glass of limoncello will do that. The day after St. Patty's I drove to Bethany and was met by Matt, and we stayed at the beach house for a few days. It was greatly needed and the weather was absolutely beautiful while we were there.
In April a few days were spent driving to Chesapeake Beach and hunting for shark teeth. Fun new experience, that. Dad also came home in early April (late march? I can't remember) and I had to get used to having him around again. It wasn't so bad though.
May thus far has been pretty uneventful. From late April into the first week of May I worked doing lights on some student plays at school, and I was almost electrocuted by an overloaded power conduit. Since then, life has mostly been work and school, but now that school is over I'm anticipating a lot less stress.
I also went out with Brian (Rax) last Monday to dinner and a movie. It was weird being around him again, but things felt pretty good. We've talked on and off since then as well. It seems like we're finally working our way back to friendship.
Things with Matt have been okay. Kind of boring on the whole, which sucks to say, but it happens. I'm wondering how much of it is us, though, and how much of it has been the stress of the past few months. I'm hoping that being out of school and regaining my family dynamic will help to improve things between us. I've also given him a kind of ultimatum. I decided that I need him to get on track with his life, in some way, shape, or form, by the end of next semester. It sounds mean, I know, but I'm really starting to feel uncomfortable with the fact that he barely works and at most he takes on two or three courses that he barely passes (if at all) because he "just isn't good at school" (even though he spends all of his free time playing games and watching TV instead of putting in any effort). I just really thought that in three years he would have made some progress toward getting himself together, but he hasn't, and it's wearing on me. I feel like his mom half the time because I have to ask him, "Well what's going on with school? What do you have due? When is your next test? Are you studying for it? How are your grades? Are you doing your homework?" And I know I shouldn't have to ask him all these things, but if I don't then midway through the semester I find out he's practically failing. I know I'm not the most conscientious student, but at least I get grades that make up for my lack of action. And it would be one thing if he actually found a job or a trade or some sort of potential field to work in, but he's still just a gas station attendant at BJs, and he's only working one or two days a week.
I really hate to be so judgmental, but sometimes I have to wonder if I can be with someone who is so entirely unmotivated. Granted, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I have no clue. And my job is still only a school job, it's not a career. BUT during the school year I'm taking 5-6 courses a semester and working 17 hours a week. And now that the semester is over I'm going to be working 29 hours a week. I may not have a path but at least I'm making progress in some respect.
I dunno. I just really have no idea. I guess I just need to see how things go and if he starts taking his life a little more seriously. I'm about to be a senior in college and, as mean as it might sound to say it, I really don't think I can be with someone who just isn't going anywhere.
Oh well. I'm off to the office again. I've been sitting in this freezing cold closet for the last three hours and it's time to get some lunch and warm up.