Girl Crushes
I just read a fascinating and incredibly well written piece of fan fiction. It was femslash, and centered around the idea of the unwitting seduction of a bisexual girl by a (presumed) straight girl. And the whole thing hit super close to home.
Like any honest person will admit, I've had my fair share of fleeting crushes on straight girls. But I generally know that's exactly what they are and I don't let them get out of hand. With one glaring exception.
I was half in love with a straight girl for my entire senior year of college. She outright flirted with me, and I always wondered if perhaps she actually knew about my crush. I don't think she was actively encouraging me, but she sure wasn't discouraging me either. I got the feeling she might have been questioning and her flirting and friendly intimacy were a safe way to explore that. But I've never had any interest in being someone's experiment so I never pushed the issue. Probably my debilitating shyness in the context of someone I really like would have made it impossible even if I had been willing to go there.
All that being said, she still occupies an unfair portion of my thoughts/heart. Not in a terribly angsty and unrequited way, but still just enough to make me feel vaguely pathetic. How is it that this girl made me feel so interesting and wanted and maybe even desired, when that particular feat has barely even been accomplished by my few exes or FwBs?