update-long overdue
well goodness i havent written in this thing in forever. But seeing as everything has changed in my life i think that the best thing to do is write it all down. well i probably have the most amazing boyfriend that i could ever have. we met last summer. And i knew from the moment that i met him that i wanted to be with him. But because of that stupid stupid boy that was mentioned in previos entries i was upanble to let my heart love someone again. But despite the fact that my heart tried to black out every ounce of love, i still fell madly in love with him. All summer though i had been hiding my pain and running to guys for the wrong reason and i don't know if i continued runnign to guys in that way even after my heart had realized i loved nick because i was still trying to tell myselef i couldnt love yet, or if i was jsut weak, or what....but i will tell you there is nothing more that i would want than to take back all those moments i had with all those guys last fall and give them to nick...becuase he is the one that i want to share all my memories with. Anyways, thats not how it happened, and despite the fact that my heart knew that it wanted nick, i continued to go on dates and so forth with other guys in Austin while he stayed in Lubbock waiting for me (until i pushed him into the arms of antoher girl, which again is another thign that i wish didnt happen...but love isnt perfect sometimes) anyways, around this time last year i started dating a boy from my school...he was the typical tall, dark, handsom, football player. He wasn't right for me though. I never fell in love wiht him. And the entire time i was with him i still thought about nick every day and wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking of me. well we broke up about a month and a half later (by then nick was way mad at me and had started seeing another girl, that i didnt find out about till months and months later). Anyways, when micah and i wer through nick was still there for me. And around thanksgiving is when i realized that no other guy could compare to him. I went up there christmas time...but he was working the entire time and i didnt see him but once but i still knew that my heart belonged to him. Begining of february i found out about the girl that he had been involved with while i was with micah and a little after that and i will tell you i dont think that i have ever cried that hard. my heart was completely broken, and i dont even know why because i knew that i had been involved with several other guys since the time that i had met nick, but it still hurt that he cvould like and possibly love another girl. I knew right then that there was no way i could wait unntil i moved to Lubbbock in the summer to date him. And we ended up going out on February 6, 2007. I went up to see him in March during spring break and i will tell you 100% that i have never ever ever ever EVER EVER felt so happy and so in love with one perrson in my entire life. the whole time i was there was perfect. He was that best boyfriend that i could ever have (and he continues to be). I cried when i left because i knew how mcuh i would miss him but i also knew that our love was strong enough to make it. I moved here at the end of may and we spent the enitre summer together. Our love gre with every day and he was there for me through everything. I now go to texas tech and we are still together and i am still madly in love. I will tell you, we arent perfect. Sometimes we fight like hell, and get so mad at each other. Bt at the end of each day when i am laying in bed i know that he is the one that i am meant to be with because there is no one else in this entire world that makes me feel the way he makes me feel. I don't knwo when it hit me but one night i jsut realized that he was the one that i wanted to spend the rest of my lfie with...i dont know if it's those nights that we lay in the abck of his truck and look up at the stairs, or when we are jsut laying in bed together watching tv, or when we are playing in the park, or going to the movies, or dinner...but when im with him im happy and i knwo that no matter if nick and i were to have all the money in the world, or be dirt poor there would never be a dull moment and i could always have fun with him and be happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and that is a huge deal to me. Im the girl who had said for a year that there is no way that i wanted to commit to someone or fall in love again because i didnt want to get hurt. but i love him so much and i know that i want to be with him forver and build a life together. I jsut want to wait until i'm out of school because my school and future career mean a lot to me. But i know if he were to ask me tomorrow, a wek from now, a month from now, a year from now i would say yes. Anyways, things are good, school s good, and life is good
~carly~
~carly~