It's a new day!
I am so cheesy sometimes, I should just call myself a mouse and go with it. I haven't been able to get to the pharmacy to get a few of my prescriptions that help me with emotions, and I've had a whirlwind of a morning, but it turned into a positive, so I'm okay. Tom & I had a wonderful, cheesy heart to heart when he came home for lunch, and it felt really good.
Anybody trying to reach me the last few days, I apologize. I've had a migraine that wouldn't leave. I still had it this morning, but sometimes, I think stubbornness helps me get rid of them 'cause it's gone now. :) I just refused to be out ANOTHER day due to a stupid headache. Man, I hate those things!
I've had a real hangup the last several weeks (and, really longer than that, but I think I've been focusing on it the last several weeks), thinking in terms of "I'm already halfway through my thirties and it's going to be several more years before I can teach and do what I love - the end is near! the end is near!" all that kind of dramatic thoughts of not having any time left to LIVE. And, the assistant pastor at our church had a sermon last night that spoke to me. I honestly don't remember how his sermon spoke to me, because it was about how giving is really receiving and how giving your all and trust God is the only way to achieve what you want. And, really that doesn't even relate. I wish I could remember the line that did it, but whatever it was (Jan, if you happen to remember a line of his that might relate, will you let me know?) gave me the first tiny *spark* I've had in a looong time that - NO, my life isn't almost over - and, YES, we have lots of time left and plenty of time to do what we want in life, and YES, we are still young enough to do accomplish everything we want to and that we've dreamed of doing. I hate that I've let myself get into that cycle of thinking, and really, I'm still struggling with it, but every once in a while, life throws me a line and reassures me that I haven't wasted anything and that I can still get where I want to go, and it's such a relief to start thinking that way again! I hate feeling trapped and like there's no time.
I was telling Jan last night on the way home from church that I can't wait til I finish this studying so that my story's a little shorter, and I feel like I'm progressing. Right now, my story is this, "I'm studying to be a medical transcriptionist, so that I can work from home, so that I can go back to school, so that I can become a teacher." Most people get lost after the first few steps. But, for some reason, I got some reassurance last night - at least, in my emotions - that it's okay. I *AM* making progress, and that feels good. And, it's okay that I have several steps to go through. It's not realistic or healthy for me to feel like I should've found a way to cheat those steps. I'm doing things in a way that will lesson my stress level, which will keep me healthier, and make it *easy* for me to go to school, instead of a struggle or only a small possibility, and the thing I'm doing is always needed (medical transcription work can be done online for a doctor a thousand miles away, if I need to), so I know I'll be able to have enough income to keep us going.
Anyway, the point to all this is that I am feeling good about the direction I'm going in.
Oh! I forgot to mention that I'm getting happier at what I'm seeing in the mirror. Some of that may be because I just finished my monthly time of bloating (Blech!), but I really think it's smaller than it was before that week, so WOOHOO! Progress, baby!
Okay, I'll stop now & get to studying for a while. Love to everybody! :)
Have a great day!
Cristy
Anybody trying to reach me the last few days, I apologize. I've had a migraine that wouldn't leave. I still had it this morning, but sometimes, I think stubbornness helps me get rid of them 'cause it's gone now. :) I just refused to be out ANOTHER day due to a stupid headache. Man, I hate those things!
I've had a real hangup the last several weeks (and, really longer than that, but I think I've been focusing on it the last several weeks), thinking in terms of "I'm already halfway through my thirties and it's going to be several more years before I can teach and do what I love - the end is near! the end is near!" all that kind of dramatic thoughts of not having any time left to LIVE. And, the assistant pastor at our church had a sermon last night that spoke to me. I honestly don't remember how his sermon spoke to me, because it was about how giving is really receiving and how giving your all and trust God is the only way to achieve what you want. And, really that doesn't even relate. I wish I could remember the line that did it, but whatever it was (Jan, if you happen to remember a line of his that might relate, will you let me know?) gave me the first tiny *spark* I've had in a looong time that - NO, my life isn't almost over - and, YES, we have lots of time left and plenty of time to do what we want in life, and YES, we are still young enough to do accomplish everything we want to and that we've dreamed of doing. I hate that I've let myself get into that cycle of thinking, and really, I'm still struggling with it, but every once in a while, life throws me a line and reassures me that I haven't wasted anything and that I can still get where I want to go, and it's such a relief to start thinking that way again! I hate feeling trapped and like there's no time.
I was telling Jan last night on the way home from church that I can't wait til I finish this studying so that my story's a little shorter, and I feel like I'm progressing. Right now, my story is this, "I'm studying to be a medical transcriptionist, so that I can work from home, so that I can go back to school, so that I can become a teacher." Most people get lost after the first few steps. But, for some reason, I got some reassurance last night - at least, in my emotions - that it's okay. I *AM* making progress, and that feels good. And, it's okay that I have several steps to go through. It's not realistic or healthy for me to feel like I should've found a way to cheat those steps. I'm doing things in a way that will lesson my stress level, which will keep me healthier, and make it *easy* for me to go to school, instead of a struggle or only a small possibility, and the thing I'm doing is always needed (medical transcription work can be done online for a doctor a thousand miles away, if I need to), so I know I'll be able to have enough income to keep us going.
Anyway, the point to all this is that I am feeling good about the direction I'm going in.
Oh! I forgot to mention that I'm getting happier at what I'm seeing in the mirror. Some of that may be because I just finished my monthly time of bloating (Blech!), but I really think it's smaller than it was before that week, so WOOHOO! Progress, baby!
Okay, I'll stop now & get to studying for a while. Love to everybody! :)
Have a great day!
Cristy