Can I Be Done Now?
I am so tired. I feel like I've been going to school forever. And, I kind of have. I mean, I've been attempting to go to college since a few years after I graduated high school. I couldn't figure out what the hell to focus on, so I did a lot of indecisive wandering, and then I had a huge break in there when I had a bunch of mental adjusting to do. This most recent attempt has been my longest and most successful stretch. I've been attending WVUP since Spring 2013, and I'm just 2.5 short semesters away from being through. Three classes this semester, 4 next, then student teaching. Holy crap. It feels so weird. I think I never thought I'd actually do it. Finish, I mean. I started before most of my family, and they've all surpassed me and moved on with shiny pieces of paper to their names.
But now... I feel like I'm sabotaging myself by getting a serious case of senioritis a year and a half too soon.
For the record, I realize senioritis doesn't mean what we think it means--"-itis" in medical-speak means inflamed--so unless I'm dealing with a very large senior somewhere on my person, it's a little goofy, BUT... I digress.
The point is... I'm sick of school. I never thought it'd happen. I was one of those weird kids who LOVED school. I was in every gifted program I qualified for in the many schools I attended through the years. How they knew I could read, much less that I belonged in a gifted program, is beyond me. I never went longer than a year and a half anywhere except at the beginning (last half of 1st through first half of 4th at one school) and the end (last 3 years of high school at the same school, though we lived at two different places during that time, too). Weird. Anyway, I was the good kid, the one who got all As and loved to learn. I still do. But, dude, I am BURNED OUT.
I think it all started when I found out at the end of the semester last December that my last required math class had been cancelled. I love math and have had at least one math class (sometimes more) just about every semester since I got here. So this was disappointing, to say the least. Losing that class also meant losing a semester's worth of experience teaching math at the level at which I really want to get a job (middle school), too, so that's leaving me in the lurch a bit, as well. They don't have anyone to teach it, and there are only a few of us left specializing in math, so they couldn't justify figuring out a way for us to do it. So, I have all of the other qualifications (and, technically, I can take the state test and still be certified to teach it, so it's not going to mess up my employment opportunities--hopefully), but I don't get to have that last little taste that would really help seal the deal... that I'm in the right field, that I'm aiming for the right age group, that I can handle the specific content at that age. I mean, damn, man. I was so bummed when I found out, and I think my semester kind of got its direction from that point.
I also decided for health reasons to stop tutoring for a semester, too, so I don't have math ANYwhere in my schedule (except one hour a week tutoring 3rd graders we're doing as part of one of our placements - I know, random, right?). And, now that this semester is going so suckily for all kinds of other reasons, I'm missing math so much. Not only am I not taking any math classes, but the field experience I'm doing for these other classes (TWO of them, dang it!) is at my absolute worst age group. You'd think that my interest in early ed would make 1st grade a breeze, but let me tell you, it doesn't. There is a world of difference between 5 year olds and 7 year olds. Huge. I did field experience with kindergarten last semester and LOVED it, but dealing with these 1st graders is kicking my rear. Sigh.
Blech.
So. I'm sick of school. I'm struggling to keep up (though, admittedly, I feel that part every semester at this point). I'm finding myself not interested and skirting the line of passing and meeting requirements. If I'm late again to any of my classes or placements, I'm in danger of getting officially written up. Ugh. I just wish I could take a time break and travel somewhere far away for about a month and get my brain away from all this mush. Give myself a little time to get the pity party out of my system and get back in the game.
Because I *KNOW* I need to. I'm so close. It's right there. I can't afford to lose my way right now. But, damn, I understand why so many people get a few semesters from graduating and walk away. God, it's so tempting.
So. I think I'm at the point where I need some celestial intervention. So, I send up my plea... somebody (or something), please help me survive this semester. I beg you. I've been through so much worse in my life. This shouldn't be kicking my butt, but it is, and I don't know what to do about it. I know my future hangs in the balance, and I need to stop being a baby and just get some friggin' work done. So, the classes are boring and challenging and yucky. Buck up, girl! Just get through it! You've gotta' stop this mucking about in la-la land. Don't sacrifice all that hard work you put in over the last several years just because you're not with it and unmotivated. Snap out of it! Come on! Do it! Sigh. Here I go. Wish me luck.
But now... I feel like I'm sabotaging myself by getting a serious case of senioritis a year and a half too soon.
For the record, I realize senioritis doesn't mean what we think it means--"-itis" in medical-speak means inflamed--so unless I'm dealing with a very large senior somewhere on my person, it's a little goofy, BUT... I digress.
The point is... I'm sick of school. I never thought it'd happen. I was one of those weird kids who LOVED school. I was in every gifted program I qualified for in the many schools I attended through the years. How they knew I could read, much less that I belonged in a gifted program, is beyond me. I never went longer than a year and a half anywhere except at the beginning (last half of 1st through first half of 4th at one school) and the end (last 3 years of high school at the same school, though we lived at two different places during that time, too). Weird. Anyway, I was the good kid, the one who got all As and loved to learn. I still do. But, dude, I am BURNED OUT.
I think it all started when I found out at the end of the semester last December that my last required math class had been cancelled. I love math and have had at least one math class (sometimes more) just about every semester since I got here. So this was disappointing, to say the least. Losing that class also meant losing a semester's worth of experience teaching math at the level at which I really want to get a job (middle school), too, so that's leaving me in the lurch a bit, as well. They don't have anyone to teach it, and there are only a few of us left specializing in math, so they couldn't justify figuring out a way for us to do it. So, I have all of the other qualifications (and, technically, I can take the state test and still be certified to teach it, so it's not going to mess up my employment opportunities--hopefully), but I don't get to have that last little taste that would really help seal the deal... that I'm in the right field, that I'm aiming for the right age group, that I can handle the specific content at that age. I mean, damn, man. I was so bummed when I found out, and I think my semester kind of got its direction from that point.
I also decided for health reasons to stop tutoring for a semester, too, so I don't have math ANYwhere in my schedule (except one hour a week tutoring 3rd graders we're doing as part of one of our placements - I know, random, right?). And, now that this semester is going so suckily for all kinds of other reasons, I'm missing math so much. Not only am I not taking any math classes, but the field experience I'm doing for these other classes (TWO of them, dang it!) is at my absolute worst age group. You'd think that my interest in early ed would make 1st grade a breeze, but let me tell you, it doesn't. There is a world of difference between 5 year olds and 7 year olds. Huge. I did field experience with kindergarten last semester and LOVED it, but dealing with these 1st graders is kicking my rear. Sigh.
Blech.
So. I'm sick of school. I'm struggling to keep up (though, admittedly, I feel that part every semester at this point). I'm finding myself not interested and skirting the line of passing and meeting requirements. If I'm late again to any of my classes or placements, I'm in danger of getting officially written up. Ugh. I just wish I could take a time break and travel somewhere far away for about a month and get my brain away from all this mush. Give myself a little time to get the pity party out of my system and get back in the game.
Because I *KNOW* I need to. I'm so close. It's right there. I can't afford to lose my way right now. But, damn, I understand why so many people get a few semesters from graduating and walk away. God, it's so tempting.
So. I think I'm at the point where I need some celestial intervention. So, I send up my plea... somebody (or something), please help me survive this semester. I beg you. I've been through so much worse in my life. This shouldn't be kicking my butt, but it is, and I don't know what to do about it. I know my future hangs in the balance, and I need to stop being a baby and just get some friggin' work done. So, the classes are boring and challenging and yucky. Buck up, girl! Just get through it! You've gotta' stop this mucking about in la-la land. Don't sacrifice all that hard work you put in over the last several years just because you're not with it and unmotivated. Snap out of it! Come on! Do it! Sigh. Here I go. Wish me luck.