The Adventure Begins!
Ah, the holidays. This time of year is so much fun. It brings out the best in all of us, doesn't it? The holidays are times of togetherness and sharing and gifts. It can also be a time of self-discovery and... lots of stress. *sigh* Thankfully, love rules over all of that, but it's so much fun in the meantime. I give you the first of who knows how many wonderfully fun incidences of holiday good times:
The psychological dynamics of a marriage are very interesting. Take, for example the equally strong, but wildly different, desires to make people happy and generally not cause other people trouble that my husband, Tom, and I hold. To give you an idea of how they can both be strong, but at the same time, can be completely different, I give you a few examples:
Situation:
In line at a grocery store/ATM/bank drive-thru/fast food line inside or drive-thru, etc.
Tom's way of thinking: Have everything prepared ahead of time (including choices, paperwork, etc.), not while you are in line; finish as quickly as possible; for God's sake, do not dawdle; If you find you have something unexpected develop, get out of line as quickly as possible and take care of it elsewhere.
Cristy's way of thinking: Everybody in line gets their time in front of the teller, customer service rep, machine; If it's easy to do something ahead of time, do it, it's polite to try; If I don't know what I want or need to ask a question or have a special request, it's my right as a customer to take my time to look at the menu, ask a question, discuss my situation with the rep; If something unexpected develops, I have a right to take whatever time is necessary, though I do try to be quick, to figure out what to do differently.
Situation:
Driving issues of all sorts: Letting someone in in front of you when waiting for a light at an entrance to a parking lot; Stopping ahead of or pulling up at an "It is Illegal to Block Intersection" sign; Hanging back or pulling up at an intersection if the cars in front of you may or may not be pulled up far enough for you to not be in the intersection when the light changes.
Tom's way of thinking: "It's situational" is one of his favorite phrases for this type of thing. He doesn't usually "let someone go" or "hang back," but will occasionally. He usually judges that there is enough room ahead, so usually pulls up. "Every man for himself" is not a phrase he says outloud, but I'd say it pretty much sums up how he feels about driving situations a lot of the time. "Dumbness happening" is a phrase I hear a lot. And, he feels that everyone around him is an idiot and should not have been able to get a license.
Cristy's way of thinking: Always let others go first; stop well behind a place where someone might want to pull in; stop short of crossing the intersection even with a green light, in case it changes and I might be caught in the middle. My driving is very "defensive driving" in feel.
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Okay, so you get the idea. So, this being Thanksgiving week and all, Tom and I usually have to figure out what we're bringing to the soiree at Allen's (Tom's nephew's) house. Most years, we bring a ham and a pie and the yearly helping of fudge that they have developed a tradition of making. Well, this year, we are decidedly low on funds, so we wanted to find out if making the ham this year was a necessity or expected before we went grocery shopping, so we'd know if we needed to work around that, or if we could get something less expensive this time.
Well, Tom had a coversation with his sister, Jan, about this topic, after I had made a point to Tom that he needed to find out FOR SURE whether we needed to bring it this year or not, and also while I was motioning to him while he was on the phone that he needed to ask specifically if people were going to be expecting it.
Well, after a conversation that, to me, did not satisfyingly declare that we weren't bringing it, he tells me that the verdict was that we could bring whatever we want, and that, "no" the ham is not "expected." Hmm... okay.
So, we went shopping this weekend with the ham as a possibility IF (note the bigness of that "IF") we could squeeze it in the budget. Well, we couldn't. So, we're bringing sweets to the meal instead this year. And, this is a conversation Tom and I had via IM just a little while ago as a result:
Cristy says:
Hello love drops.... :-/
Just got off the phone with Jan regarding Thanksgiving
tom says:
hehe hi
ok
Cristy says:
First question out of her mouth was, and I quote, "You guys are bringing a ham tomorrow, right?"
{after a few seconds of me watching him type} No anger on this side, just frustration. All is ok....
tom says:
and you said, no. Correct? Of course SHE said that.
Cristy says:
Yes, I said no. She was surprised.
tom says:
I am not
Cristy says:
You are not, what?
tom says:
suprised that she was suprised
Cristy says:
Hahaha I think you know your sister pretty well, whereas *I* am worried that she unwittingly passed along this surprise unawares to her sons.... *sigh*
tom says:
no, I doubt it and even if she did they will not be bothered by the fact that there is no ham
Cristy says:
As I pointed out to her, I think it completely incongruous that you will go to *extreme* lengths to avoid making someone behind you in an ATM line wait, but will *refuse* to clarify the expectations of family members *sigh*
tom says:
LOL
Cristy says:
Now, we will be entering someone else's home with not a large pan with several helpings of additional protein, but two smallish containers containing sweets of which are partaken AFTER all the protein consumption is over... and some fudge - which may save the day. *sigh*
tom says:
hehe sorry baby
Cristy says:
It's okay. It's just that I knew that EXACTLY this was going to happen. *sigh* I repeat *sigh*
tom says:
I know you knew
Cristy says:
Arrrggghhhh!!!!! *sigh*
Love is a crazy thing
tom says:
Understood
Cristy says:
It's quite a *tolerant* emotion, I think
tom says:
Yes but isn't it wonderful?
Cristy says:
Hmmm... you don't really want me to answer that right now, do you? At least, not right after that. Give me a moment, and I will feel much more loving. After I have forgotten this debacle... Oh, WAIT! I can't forget it. Its loveliness will come about TOMORROW. yay. *sigh*
Okay, yes (she said begrudgingly), I do, in fact, love you to the depths of my heart and out to the universe of stars surrounding us.
But, I'm still unhappy with you. How's that?
tom says:
I would not trade our love for all the comfortable situations and forseen/handled uncomfortable situations in the world
Cristy says:
Me, either.
Love you, Baby :*:*
tom says:
and yes I do understand that you are currently less than happy with me
Cristy says:
LOL
tom says:
Love you too :* :*
{other gooey love stuff deleted}
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone! May your family times be fun, and your love be bountiful! Love to family!
Cristy