long time
part of an email from aram, who I haven't seen in six weeks because he's been in mexico learning to speak spahhhhnish:
"You have been really sweet to me this break, and I appreciate being able to talk to you so often. I can't wait to see you. It's going to be really soon. I was reading through the diary I kept over the Montana summer. It surprised me, actually, because even then, when I was quite clear to you that I didn't want to be your boyfriend, I was writing in my journal about how I missed you. I mentioned a few times that I wished you were there to do the things I was doing with me. It was sad for me to read, because I wished that I knew then what I know now. I wish I hadn't been under a misguided perception that I had to be with other people to attain some unrealistic goal. I'm so sorry to have ever put you through that. You mean so much to me now. I miss you more every day."
shit has just CHANGED so much in a year. so much. this past year has been unbelievably good for me and him. i am so happy, and he's coming back on wednesday, and i'll finally see him in person, not just on a fuzzy skype screen, and goddamn i know i'm all nerdy but i'm so in love and so happy. and it's awesome. still.
I had a really good day today, and night last night. I've been sick, but I went out and partied (out of character for me anyway, not just because I was sick) for Dana's birthday last night anyway. We played flip cup and I met a cool freshman boy who's thinking about being a writing major. I had a great time, and even managed to catch the shuttle back, albeit drunkenly, and make nachos at jeremy's house with him and sam.
Today, I went to kingston with Jordan and Sam to buy yellow socks, but failed, but found three dollar yellow shoes instead, good compromise. Also some cheap sneakers. Then I went back to Red Hook and had coffee with Carey. This boy at my school, who I was in two classes with last semester, killed himself earlier this week. I wasn't close with him, but Carey was his best friend. I don't want to push Carey, or put pressure on him. But right after it happened I called him a few times just to let him know, gently, that I was thinking about him, and that if he needed company, I was here for him. I gave him a little space, but he called me today and we met for coffee and were supposed to do work but just ended up hanging out and talking for awhile. I like Carey, a lot, and I don't want him to feel alone in this. I can't imagine what it feels like. But I just...I don't know. I just don't want him to be alone. He said it was good to hang out with me because I kept the conversation going and I talked a lot and I didn't treat him like he was a delicate flower. He has better friends than me, I know, we're not even that close. But it was good to see him and see that he's doing alright, as alright as he can I guess. We're going to go to the diner soon.
After coffee with Carey I made dinner with my suitemates and my friend Max, and then went to a folk punk show. I don't know, man. I know I used to be into it, but folk punk really isn't my thing. I just can't get into it. But it was at the Root Cellar, and I feel like I should support the Root Cellar. So I went a bit late, and stayed until the end. Fun anyway, even though I wasn't into the music. Also I saw Alexia, who is a girl who I want to be friends with because she seems real sweet and cool and I talked to her last semester at a Bone Haus show, and she gave me a hug and said she would cook with me sometime. We exchanged phone numbers and it seems promising. I really like new friends. I hope to hang out with her soon.
After the show I went to craft night in the campus center with a bunch of people. Craft night is awesome. Enough said. Afterwards I ordered serial killer pins from the internetz for Aram's birthday. They have faces of people like Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson on them. Hilarious. I'm going to put them in the box I made at craft night tonight.
Now I'm lying in bed eating grapefruit and listening to Devo while Ingrid is running around in the freedom ball.
Good life.
"You have been really sweet to me this break, and I appreciate being able to talk to you so often. I can't wait to see you. It's going to be really soon. I was reading through the diary I kept over the Montana summer. It surprised me, actually, because even then, when I was quite clear to you that I didn't want to be your boyfriend, I was writing in my journal about how I missed you. I mentioned a few times that I wished you were there to do the things I was doing with me. It was sad for me to read, because I wished that I knew then what I know now. I wish I hadn't been under a misguided perception that I had to be with other people to attain some unrealistic goal. I'm so sorry to have ever put you through that. You mean so much to me now. I miss you more every day."
shit has just CHANGED so much in a year. so much. this past year has been unbelievably good for me and him. i am so happy, and he's coming back on wednesday, and i'll finally see him in person, not just on a fuzzy skype screen, and goddamn i know i'm all nerdy but i'm so in love and so happy. and it's awesome. still.
I had a really good day today, and night last night. I've been sick, but I went out and partied (out of character for me anyway, not just because I was sick) for Dana's birthday last night anyway. We played flip cup and I met a cool freshman boy who's thinking about being a writing major. I had a great time, and even managed to catch the shuttle back, albeit drunkenly, and make nachos at jeremy's house with him and sam.
Today, I went to kingston with Jordan and Sam to buy yellow socks, but failed, but found three dollar yellow shoes instead, good compromise. Also some cheap sneakers. Then I went back to Red Hook and had coffee with Carey. This boy at my school, who I was in two classes with last semester, killed himself earlier this week. I wasn't close with him, but Carey was his best friend. I don't want to push Carey, or put pressure on him. But right after it happened I called him a few times just to let him know, gently, that I was thinking about him, and that if he needed company, I was here for him. I gave him a little space, but he called me today and we met for coffee and were supposed to do work but just ended up hanging out and talking for awhile. I like Carey, a lot, and I don't want him to feel alone in this. I can't imagine what it feels like. But I just...I don't know. I just don't want him to be alone. He said it was good to hang out with me because I kept the conversation going and I talked a lot and I didn't treat him like he was a delicate flower. He has better friends than me, I know, we're not even that close. But it was good to see him and see that he's doing alright, as alright as he can I guess. We're going to go to the diner soon.
After coffee with Carey I made dinner with my suitemates and my friend Max, and then went to a folk punk show. I don't know, man. I know I used to be into it, but folk punk really isn't my thing. I just can't get into it. But it was at the Root Cellar, and I feel like I should support the Root Cellar. So I went a bit late, and stayed until the end. Fun anyway, even though I wasn't into the music. Also I saw Alexia, who is a girl who I want to be friends with because she seems real sweet and cool and I talked to her last semester at a Bone Haus show, and she gave me a hug and said she would cook with me sometime. We exchanged phone numbers and it seems promising. I really like new friends. I hope to hang out with her soon.
After the show I went to craft night in the campus center with a bunch of people. Craft night is awesome. Enough said. Afterwards I ordered serial killer pins from the internetz for Aram's birthday. They have faces of people like Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson on them. Hilarious. I'm going to put them in the box I made at craft night tonight.
Now I'm lying in bed eating grapefruit and listening to Devo while Ingrid is running around in the freedom ball.
Good life.