Fear and anxiety
I have been thinking a lot about fear. There is rational fear. I am afraid of getting burned. Rational fear keeps me safe. I am careful around fire. There is irrational fear. This doesn't serve any concrete purpose. In fact, it keeps me from fully engaging in my life. Sometimes, I have irrational fear that I will say something stupid so I say nothing. It is not that I don't have something to say, I am just afraid of not saying it correctly. This is especially true when I try to speak in Spanish. I become irrationally verbally paralyzed and instead of using the words I have, I say nothing at all.
This all makes sense, but it leads me to ponder the difference between irrational fear and anxiety. If I go to Merriam-Webster for help in parsing this out I find this:
Fear (noun): an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
Anxiety (noun): apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill [or] a state of being anxious
So, is my unease about speaking in Spanish a fear, or is it an anxiety? Given these definitions, I would have to choose anxiety. There is no danger in speaking Spanish, there is, however, an apprehensive uneasiness. I don't like the idea of not using words correctly. What if I use the wrong verb tense or mispronounce something?
As I write this I think that if someone spoke in imperfect English I would never feel judgmental towards them. I would be happy that they were making an effort to be heard and understood. So perhaps my anxiety has more to do with not wanting my ability to communicate in Spanish to be judged as lacking. It has never been judged that way. In fact, I have always been complimented on my Spanish.
I am not going anywhere in particular with this. I am just trying to separate my fears from my anxieties. If I can name my fears and my anxieties, I can overcome them. I seem to be on a quest. I suppose I'll go along on it and see where it leads.
This all makes sense, but it leads me to ponder the difference between irrational fear and anxiety. If I go to Merriam-Webster for help in parsing this out I find this:
Fear (noun): an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
Anxiety (noun): apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill [or] a state of being anxious
So, is my unease about speaking in Spanish a fear, or is it an anxiety? Given these definitions, I would have to choose anxiety. There is no danger in speaking Spanish, there is, however, an apprehensive uneasiness. I don't like the idea of not using words correctly. What if I use the wrong verb tense or mispronounce something?
As I write this I think that if someone spoke in imperfect English I would never feel judgmental towards them. I would be happy that they were making an effort to be heard and understood. So perhaps my anxiety has more to do with not wanting my ability to communicate in Spanish to be judged as lacking. It has never been judged that way. In fact, I have always been complimented on my Spanish.
I am not going anywhere in particular with this. I am just trying to separate my fears from my anxieties. If I can name my fears and my anxieties, I can overcome them. I seem to be on a quest. I suppose I'll go along on it and see where it leads.