That is what I came home to?
I finally had my first day off in 16 days. I slept through most of it. I had to go to work today, but I was looking forward to some mindless television viewing. I get home to find Melissa watching the new 90210. It started ten minute ago. I am in my office typing this. Holy, Jesus, who came up with that show? Let's examine the cliches I hate, just from the first 10 minutes.
1. Fish out of water - lifted right from the original, now the family is from Kansas instead of Minnesota. I'm a little forgiving of this since it's a wink to the original show. But why, oh why, can't shows start in the middle? Why can't we just immerse ourselves in the world where everyone knows each other and is already in rhythm? You know what shows did that? The West Wing, Cheers, Seinfeld, M*A*S*H, Battlestar Galactica... great shows all of them. Did no one pay attention in screenwriting class when they said, "Don't start your movie at the beginning. Start in the middle!"
2. Token black kid - The original 90210 took some flack for not having any minorities. But not this time! Of course, the token black kid can't be from a wealthy, Beverly Hills black family. Obviously, television land doesn't think rich black people exist. He's got to be adopted by a white family. And where are the Persians? The fucking mayor of Beverly Hills is Persian! They're everywhere! And they drive really nice BMWs!
3. Drugs - the drug storyline entered in the first 10 minutes. Where do we go from there? Is the big season finale going to be mass ritual suicide? Is it so hard to ask that I not despise West Beverly Hills High before the opening credits? Why would I want to watch a show where I hate everybody and wish they all died? Maybe they should have started with the mass ritual suicide episode.
4. Blow Jobs - once upon a time, portraying high school students giving blow jobs was an art form. Soon we're going to see a reality show on the CW called, "How to give the perfect BJ." And it will be a competition show like Top Chef. Just wait. It's coming soon. (No pun intended.)
Excuse me while I go rinse my eyes out and have my memory erased by Tom Wilkenson.
1. Fish out of water - lifted right from the original, now the family is from Kansas instead of Minnesota. I'm a little forgiving of this since it's a wink to the original show. But why, oh why, can't shows start in the middle? Why can't we just immerse ourselves in the world where everyone knows each other and is already in rhythm? You know what shows did that? The West Wing, Cheers, Seinfeld, M*A*S*H, Battlestar Galactica... great shows all of them. Did no one pay attention in screenwriting class when they said, "Don't start your movie at the beginning. Start in the middle!"
2. Token black kid - The original 90210 took some flack for not having any minorities. But not this time! Of course, the token black kid can't be from a wealthy, Beverly Hills black family. Obviously, television land doesn't think rich black people exist. He's got to be adopted by a white family. And where are the Persians? The fucking mayor of Beverly Hills is Persian! They're everywhere! And they drive really nice BMWs!
3. Drugs - the drug storyline entered in the first 10 minutes. Where do we go from there? Is the big season finale going to be mass ritual suicide? Is it so hard to ask that I not despise West Beverly Hills High before the opening credits? Why would I want to watch a show where I hate everybody and wish they all died? Maybe they should have started with the mass ritual suicide episode.
4. Blow Jobs - once upon a time, portraying high school students giving blow jobs was an art form. Soon we're going to see a reality show on the CW called, "How to give the perfect BJ." And it will be a competition show like Top Chef. Just wait. It's coming soon. (No pun intended.)
Excuse me while I go rinse my eyes out and have my memory erased by Tom Wilkenson.