Sometimes I just want to kill everything!
I fucking hate technology. All in one morning, My computer, dvd player and ps2 all crapped out on me. The computer is still being shitty, although its behaving right now, but the dvd player and the ps2 are pretty much done for. Today is going to be a very bad day. I can tell already. If shit is already falling apart at 8:30 in the morning, then whats to stop it from turning even shittier? I fucking hate the winter. I hate the holiday season the most. It is seriously my most depressed time of the entire year. Its not even close to christmas, and already I feel things getting shittier and shittier. This time of the year just makes me realize how fucked up of a family i actually have. This year is going to be the worst. Me, my mom and my brother aren't even going to be able to afford christmas. Not to mention, its going to be the first one without my grandfather. Something about this time of year just makes me think constantly about how much of a fuck-up I am. I feel so bad for Becky, for what shes going to have to go through with me being like this during the winter. And I know some of you are gonna reply to this saying "hey just dont think about things, and stop being depressed." Well, you know what? If you were any bit human, and not bitterly fucking apathetic, youd understand that its hard not to think about these things, and its hard, with where Ive been, and what ive seen in my life, to remain optimistic. And being that this is my journal, and my personal space to write how im feeling, FUCKING DEAL WITH IT! Anywho, anyone whos known me for a couple years who is reading this, and anyone very important to me who hasnt known me that long - Im sorry for worrying you throughout the next few months. I really am. Just, bear with me, and things will get better.