Hehehe
Well im not going to tell much about the talk. it was just a very important, and much needed conversation i had with some teacher from my school. I ended up crying, for 40+ minutes..shes been the only one that could make me bust out in tears other then doug.
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last night i ran away..all the way upstairs and in my closet, where i stayed for like 10 minutes! lol.
so with my "lover", (by the way, let me point out, he moved to a different state, so it is hard to be this far from him as it is) we havent talked since the 15th, why i dont know..but unlike this time last year, im recovering unbelievably fast. It happens every year, he feeds me these amazing lines, makes me fall in love, makes me believe he loves me to, a few months later he runs off, and comes back a few months later and talks to me, then i fall in love with him again. Im so proud of myself for recovering this time without many tears... but i partly blame myself for letting it happen a second time.. he should of never had the chance, but i let him. Why am i still waiting for him, a few people have asked me.. well its simple, to be really honest, he is the only boy i ever cared for.. and your first love is everything, atleast to me, and because i know the way people are so judgemental, its not exactly easy for a guy to like me as more then a friend, plus, i know hes going to eventually come back because of the previous "relationship" we had. I must say though, he has an amazing way with words--thats why we've technically, well i guess you can say, been together for over a year, starting from when he lived in southington, ohio... or atleast thats why ive cared for him for so long. I wish i knew if i did anything, and what i did, so i could avoid this problem in the future, but yeah, he can be stubborn. as much as i dont think ill ever stop loving him, (and that is in all honesty to) i think its time i try my best and move on. No good can come from this if i just let him walk out in and out on me, after a few months of us "talking." Even though im 16, ive always been about love, and long relationships, so who knows, maybe ill find someone soon who shares equal intrests? until then, ill just keep waiting! =)Oh, well now that i think about it, i was probley so upset because he was moving to another state, and we were mad at eachother before he left, and we didnt talk a week prior to him leaving. That could be it. I guess another reason that i care for him, was because he is depressed, like literally, he has to take medicine for it, and i tend to have a more "softer" (lack of better word) heart for people like that. I knew about his life, tounia, drugs, family, friends, i pretty much knew it all.. so even though we arent talking, dont get me wrong, He is a great person, and always will be, regardless of if we are together or not!! =)