first update in like, forever.

[behbezz]

So since Israel I havent been doin well, and therefore missed approx 2+ weeks of school (mainly secular studies) all together. I have tons of work to do and am trying so hard to keep it together. I have around 10 tests and quizzes that i have to makeup, numerous assignments, especially in math, and this is all because i got sick. Is it my fault that i suddenly got ill? Is it really my fault that i wasn't able to sit in school? Is it my fault that i was getting bloodwork and tests done? Is it my fault that the doctors wouldnt allow me to come t school for days on end?? Is it my fault that i never get sick, but of course, when school couldn't be anymore stressful I get so incredibly ill??? I didnt plan on it! I didnt ask for any of this!! I dont have it in me to make up all the work. I honestly cant do it. ive been cramming and trying so hard and i jsut cant do it. Im sick of having to explain to teachers every single day that i cant help the fact that im always tired, that im constantly dizzy, that my headaches wont go away. they dont even care. each teacher piles on the work, unable to comprehend that i have 8 classes other than theirs!! i have so much to do, plus i have to keep up with whats going on in class currently. its terrible im a mess. my option is to have a couple weeks after school to catch up, but i need this to be over. i cant stand sitting in class and not understanding anything because ive missed so many days. its hard. its really hard. im sick of people giving me their "miracle solutions" trust me IVE THOUGHT OF IT ALL. my mind is going crazy and im bound to wind up worse than i started if i keep this up. god i cant help it though. this is so important to me yet i just cant do it, i cant grasp and take charge of my responsibilities.
i hate hate hate that im always whining bout stuff on lj, but i guess its a good outlet.
i jsut dont kno wat to doand i feel terribly stuck, and im done talking bout this.
it hurts