After the loneliness...
When I first began this journal, I was 18 and in college, shy and unsure of where I belonged, and lonely. Oh, so lonely. I felt alone among my family, and I felt alone among my friends. So I turned to this journal. I poured out my thoughts and feelings in here. And it felt nice. Especially when I began to have friends, friends who seemed to share some of my feelings. Friends who seemed to understand me even more than people out in the "real" world.
I found myself constantly thinking of livejournal, whenever I had free time. I composed entries in my mind while walking or commuting. Everywhere, I found thoughts to share, stories to tell. My joys, my frustrations, my achievements... I put them all here. It was nice, really. Livejournal felt like my bestfriend, my sounding board. And the best part was that there were real people behind the comments, unlike my old diaries where I simply addressed my entries as "Dear Diary," imagining I was writing to a friend and telling her about life in school, my love life, my family. This was so much better.
But still, even though I felt how much my friends here cared about me, it still didn't change the fact that I still needed someone real occasionally, someone who can physically envelope me in his arms and tell me he's there for me.
My friends in school... we loved and cared about each other, but we didn't really share a lot of affection and warmth with each other. And sigh, I really craved affection and warmth. I've always told you, haven't I, that I wanted a best friend, someone who would put me first before everything and anything else.
One of my dearest friends here... well, I thought he could be that person. I loved him so. But I always knew that he had lots of best friends, and I suppose in the end, it was difficult to accept. And of course, the fact that he continues to live thousands of miles away...
I met another guy whom I loved, but I knew from the start that it wasn't meant to be, though we did share some of the most unforgettable times with each other.
Then there was Rogel. And even though it hasn't all been smooth sailing, well, what relationship has been? Now, more than 15 months after we started our relationship, our love for each other hasn't waned. He cares for me in a way that no one has ever done before. And he's my best friend. And I am his. When I'm sad, I always know that I can turn to him, even, in fact, when he's the source of my sadness, as crazy as that sounds.
And after so many years... I realize, I am not lonely anymore; I haven't been for a while now. And honestly, most of it's because of Rogel.
I'm so very thankful that he loves me.
I found myself constantly thinking of livejournal, whenever I had free time. I composed entries in my mind while walking or commuting. Everywhere, I found thoughts to share, stories to tell. My joys, my frustrations, my achievements... I put them all here. It was nice, really. Livejournal felt like my bestfriend, my sounding board. And the best part was that there were real people behind the comments, unlike my old diaries where I simply addressed my entries as "Dear Diary," imagining I was writing to a friend and telling her about life in school, my love life, my family. This was so much better.
But still, even though I felt how much my friends here cared about me, it still didn't change the fact that I still needed someone real occasionally, someone who can physically envelope me in his arms and tell me he's there for me.
My friends in school... we loved and cared about each other, but we didn't really share a lot of affection and warmth with each other. And sigh, I really craved affection and warmth. I've always told you, haven't I, that I wanted a best friend, someone who would put me first before everything and anything else.
One of my dearest friends here... well, I thought he could be that person. I loved him so. But I always knew that he had lots of best friends, and I suppose in the end, it was difficult to accept. And of course, the fact that he continues to live thousands of miles away...
I met another guy whom I loved, but I knew from the start that it wasn't meant to be, though we did share some of the most unforgettable times with each other.
Then there was Rogel. And even though it hasn't all been smooth sailing, well, what relationship has been? Now, more than 15 months after we started our relationship, our love for each other hasn't waned. He cares for me in a way that no one has ever done before. And he's my best friend. And I am his. When I'm sad, I always know that I can turn to him, even, in fact, when he's the source of my sadness, as crazy as that sounds.
And after so many years... I realize, I am not lonely anymore; I haven't been for a while now. And honestly, most of it's because of Rogel.
I'm so very thankful that he loves me.