(no subject)
I'm losing my mind.
My tiny tiny tiny tiny tinyintintinyintiynyintinyintyintinyintiynitntinyinitnyinyitniyntinyin mind.
what the hell am i going to do? what am i going to do what am i going to do what am i going to do
i think i'll lose it, recluse, lose it recluse lose it recluse louse it recluse lose it recluse lose it lose los eloslesoe it. loe it lose it lose it lose it. \
ultimately it doesnt matter, money, life wealth fame, frineds family house job kids dog holiday drugs use sex love coffee pain hardship friends family noen of it matter because we might just go and kill ourselves at the end of it, we might jus t die and everyone will forget it doesnt matter what i do, when i do it why i doit or any of it none of it actually matters because ultimately there's nothing thesresestheres nobody there's nothing, there's none to buy none to see none to use none to love my mind is scremaing im screaming inside i'm fucking bleeding inside i'm fucking drying up like a seed in the desert im lost, yeti know exactly where i am.
dont yous ee? i'm losoing im lonely im in pain im crying im fucking lost im fucking losing it, everyones lost, my dad, my mum my brother, the loves changed, the faces rearranged. our well known phrases fading into nothingness our well known likenesses blurring into a smudge. illegible. dillusional.
our family clings together by DNA only, because everyones changed everythings changed and everyones lost control. it's all fallen apart and nobody will admit thier part in any of it.
except me.
but they've lost me already. They just don't understand it yet. im gonna go to a therapist. you get 6 hours free on the NHS.
I can rip my mind apart in six hours. I could smashed my head up with a fork in six hours. but it'd hurt and id probabl;y throw up. and i dont want to do that. I'd rathr talk toa stranger for six hours.
im sick of the nightmares, i;'m sick of the tears, i'm sdick of it all. the lost feeling.
im gonna change again. i'll get a new mobile number again. i'll keep things quiet inside. i';ll wlak off when im bored, i wont tell anyone where im going, i';ll fadfe people out, drag people in, freak people out, scare them away with my intense talk. wear what i want, , and if people dont call me back, i'll say fuck it. and i'll mean it. and the people who stick around are the ones who really care about me. i'm just tired of being lonely. really, really lonely.
who
the fuck
do i
think
I
am?
i think i fucking matter. i think people will stick around? fuck that. if i was them id fuck off. because you know corinne's talking shit again and won't do any of it ultimately. slap her in the face. slap her square on in the face and tell her you think she's a wanker.
punch her and shout in her face, tell her to grow up and shut up. tell her to throw up on demand. tell her she doesn't understand.
i do appareciate life, i spend most of my thought time thinking how lucky i am. i spend most of my time thinking how beautiful so and so is, how beautiful that is, how amazing the world is and how lucky i am to be in it.
i think i need to watch some south park.
i feel a bit down today. like the tears are flowing down my throat.
that's how it feels you know, for me, when i want to cry but hold it in, i feel the tears roll down the back of my eyes, clog up my nose, then bypass down the back of my mouth, down my throat and into my chest, where the cool water runs like a wall over my lungs, then into my tummy, where it gathers like a pool, and swashes around when I walk, then I need to pee.
After I pee, I can breathe through my nose again. Ha. I piss tears. hahah.
that's enough for now.
My tiny tiny tiny tiny tinyintintinyintiynyintinyintyintinyintiynitntinyinitnyinyitniyntinyin mind.
what the hell am i going to do? what am i going to do what am i going to do what am i going to do
i think i'll lose it, recluse, lose it recluse lose it recluse louse it recluse lose it recluse lose it lose los eloslesoe it. loe it lose it lose it lose it. \
ultimately it doesnt matter, money, life wealth fame, frineds family house job kids dog holiday drugs use sex love coffee pain hardship friends family noen of it matter because we might just go and kill ourselves at the end of it, we might jus t die and everyone will forget it doesnt matter what i do, when i do it why i doit or any of it none of it actually matters because ultimately there's nothing thesresestheres nobody there's nothing, there's none to buy none to see none to use none to love my mind is scremaing im screaming inside i'm fucking bleeding inside i'm fucking drying up like a seed in the desert im lost, yeti know exactly where i am.
dont yous ee? i'm losoing im lonely im in pain im crying im fucking lost im fucking losing it, everyones lost, my dad, my mum my brother, the loves changed, the faces rearranged. our well known phrases fading into nothingness our well known likenesses blurring into a smudge. illegible. dillusional.
our family clings together by DNA only, because everyones changed everythings changed and everyones lost control. it's all fallen apart and nobody will admit thier part in any of it.
except me.
but they've lost me already. They just don't understand it yet. im gonna go to a therapist. you get 6 hours free on the NHS.
I can rip my mind apart in six hours. I could smashed my head up with a fork in six hours. but it'd hurt and id probabl;y throw up. and i dont want to do that. I'd rathr talk toa stranger for six hours.
im sick of the nightmares, i;'m sick of the tears, i'm sdick of it all. the lost feeling.
im gonna change again. i'll get a new mobile number again. i'll keep things quiet inside. i';ll wlak off when im bored, i wont tell anyone where im going, i';ll fadfe people out, drag people in, freak people out, scare them away with my intense talk. wear what i want, , and if people dont call me back, i'll say fuck it. and i'll mean it. and the people who stick around are the ones who really care about me. i'm just tired of being lonely. really, really lonely.
who
the fuck
do i
think
I
am?
i think i fucking matter. i think people will stick around? fuck that. if i was them id fuck off. because you know corinne's talking shit again and won't do any of it ultimately. slap her in the face. slap her square on in the face and tell her you think she's a wanker.
punch her and shout in her face, tell her to grow up and shut up. tell her to throw up on demand. tell her she doesn't understand.
i do appareciate life, i spend most of my thought time thinking how lucky i am. i spend most of my time thinking how beautiful so and so is, how beautiful that is, how amazing the world is and how lucky i am to be in it.
i think i need to watch some south park.
i feel a bit down today. like the tears are flowing down my throat.
that's how it feels you know, for me, when i want to cry but hold it in, i feel the tears roll down the back of my eyes, clog up my nose, then bypass down the back of my mouth, down my throat and into my chest, where the cool water runs like a wall over my lungs, then into my tummy, where it gathers like a pool, and swashes around when I walk, then I need to pee.
After I pee, I can breathe through my nose again. Ha. I piss tears. hahah.
that's enough for now.