Seeing as we're expressing how we truly feel for once.
18 Weeks. 18 Weeks.
Just got to hold on. Keep moving. Get through this. There's a HUGE light at the end of this tunnel. There are rewards after this Hell. I'm going to break hearts. I'm abondoning the people who love me. I'll find the lonelyness I once hated and now crave.
People do not leave me alone. Nobody does. They all call me. Want to see me. I'm going to destroy 3 men and this destroys me. I've got a wrench on my heart and on the 24th of September it's going to turn, violently it's going to bruise my heart and leave a scar. But the after the journey to Falmouth, I'll be standing in the light. I'll be standing alone in the light. And I'll feel relief.
IT'S ALL SO DRAMATIC! IT'S AN ENDING BUT A BEGINNING TOO! And when I go. I won't come back to stay. I know won't come back to stay.
I'm leaving everyone for dead, everyone who loves me or depends on me has TOLD me this: Fred - "When you go I don't know what I'll do. I'll feel so alone again. I don't know what your brother will do either. This will devastate him." Mark - "When Cozzie leaves me I'll be alone again." Mum - "When will I hear from my girlie? When will I see her? I barely see her now." Nan - "I don't know what will happen to your Mother after you go. She'll never see Mark if you're not around and now she won't have you either." Stephen - "I love you so much. I don't know what I'll do when you go." And what about Pepsi? What would he say to me if he knew? At least I'm only leaving him for a year. Then I'll have him back again when I move out of halls.
Going to University shouldn't feel like this. Everyone should be happy, looking forward to it. But I've been supporting every emotion going for over 9 months now. From my mothers depression to my fathers to my own then my brothers and now stephens. My fathers anger to marks and nans. The sadness of everyone involved. Listening to every mouth that wants to talk. Trying not to advise but to comfort. I can't stay here.
Like some wishing well cemented to the earth forever for people to come and go as they please. People only call when they need me. The only person who calls to SEE me is Stephen. But recently it's been harder for him, I'm hurting him by leaving and I knew I would but I didn't want to.
Everyone's making me feel so bad for going but I CAN'T STAY. I can't keep holding everyone up, I shouldn't have to. I'm having trouble holding myself up, all I can do is look forwards.
Just keep looking forwards to the 24th, the moment I leave and drop everything and everyone for myself. The moment I feel the mixed joy of having left but the hollow truth of what I've left. I'm hurting a lot of people because they all know that once I go, that's it. Forever.
I feel empty. I feel like a liar. But I'm just trying to save myself from this hideous situation. If I stay here I think I'll die.
Just got to hold on. Keep moving. Get through this. There's a HUGE light at the end of this tunnel. There are rewards after this Hell. I'm going to break hearts. I'm abondoning the people who love me. I'll find the lonelyness I once hated and now crave.
People do not leave me alone. Nobody does. They all call me. Want to see me. I'm going to destroy 3 men and this destroys me. I've got a wrench on my heart and on the 24th of September it's going to turn, violently it's going to bruise my heart and leave a scar. But the after the journey to Falmouth, I'll be standing in the light. I'll be standing alone in the light. And I'll feel relief.
IT'S ALL SO DRAMATIC! IT'S AN ENDING BUT A BEGINNING TOO! And when I go. I won't come back to stay. I know won't come back to stay.
I'm leaving everyone for dead, everyone who loves me or depends on me has TOLD me this: Fred - "When you go I don't know what I'll do. I'll feel so alone again. I don't know what your brother will do either. This will devastate him." Mark - "When Cozzie leaves me I'll be alone again." Mum - "When will I hear from my girlie? When will I see her? I barely see her now." Nan - "I don't know what will happen to your Mother after you go. She'll never see Mark if you're not around and now she won't have you either." Stephen - "I love you so much. I don't know what I'll do when you go." And what about Pepsi? What would he say to me if he knew? At least I'm only leaving him for a year. Then I'll have him back again when I move out of halls.
Going to University shouldn't feel like this. Everyone should be happy, looking forward to it. But I've been supporting every emotion going for over 9 months now. From my mothers depression to my fathers to my own then my brothers and now stephens. My fathers anger to marks and nans. The sadness of everyone involved. Listening to every mouth that wants to talk. Trying not to advise but to comfort. I can't stay here.
Like some wishing well cemented to the earth forever for people to come and go as they please. People only call when they need me. The only person who calls to SEE me is Stephen. But recently it's been harder for him, I'm hurting him by leaving and I knew I would but I didn't want to.
Everyone's making me feel so bad for going but I CAN'T STAY. I can't keep holding everyone up, I shouldn't have to. I'm having trouble holding myself up, all I can do is look forwards.
Just keep looking forwards to the 24th, the moment I leave and drop everything and everyone for myself. The moment I feel the mixed joy of having left but the hollow truth of what I've left. I'm hurting a lot of people because they all know that once I go, that's it. Forever.
I feel empty. I feel like a liar. But I'm just trying to save myself from this hideous situation. If I stay here I think I'll die.