(no subject)
This is the way I've been grading my sleeping habits:
Wake up before 8:00- A+
Wake up at 8:00- A
9:00- B
10:00- C
11:00- D
12:00- F
I got a C- today. I don't know why I've been sleeping in so late lately. I woke up this morning and I just didn't want to get up. That's so unusual for the summer. And the first thing I'm doing, before a shower or breakfast or anything is typing on the computer. I guess I'm trying my hardest to avoid reality.
Everywhere in my house, there's something depressing waiting to spring on me like a snake: all the clothes I haven't washed, (which is all of my clothes, actually, I have nothing to wear that's clean.) the dog hair all over the house that I really don't want to vacuum away, all the books about college scattered everywhere, none of them read, the loose change on the floor of my bathroom. I don't know why that's so sad. It just is.
And I know I'm leaving tomorrow and I really want to go to Texas. But I slept in my mom's bed with her last night b/c her boyfriend is out of town and Snoopy is dead. The room was just so empty, even with me in it. When me and George go back to my dad's, she'll be here all by herself. Of course, shortly after she'll be flying to Ireland to dine and converse with intellectual celebrities but she'll still be alone. And that makes me really sad.
I'm not loving God enough. I know that. I know that I've failed Him in my personal life. I haven't read the Bible at all and I usually read it every day. I haven't gone to church once all summer. (That thing last Sunday absolutely does NOT count.) I haven't spent any time with Him at all besides quick fervent prayers about friends or my family when the thought pops into my head.
I've failed Him in the way that my life affects everyone else. I haven't stuck to my resolutions at all this summer. I haven't done any ACT/SAT prep, haven't read any of the college books all the way through that my mom got me, and haven't even managed to make any money or do anything else relatively productive.
So, I'm really really sad. I don't want to face today. I just want to go back to bed. I keep expecting to hear my dog bark at the UPS guy or hear him come running to the kitchen so I can feed him or just come running anyway, just to see me. I miss him so much. We've had him since I was six. He used to sleep next to me when I was sad.
It happened so fast. Night before last I fed him, took him for a walk, played with him, hugged him. Then yesterday by 9:00 he was just this dead thing that I didn't want to touch. And we buried him in the backyard. We dug an extremely deep hole, which was therapeutic in a way, and then we buried him. I think the weirdest part about it was when we put the red clay over him because I kept expecting him to start barking or to try to climb out of the hole.
I know I'm being stupid because he's just a dog but I'm really really sad. I've had friends die before and this is just as upsetting. Which makes me feel stupid and selfish.
Well, I'm going to take a shower and do some laundry and clean up my crap.
Wake up before 8:00- A+
Wake up at 8:00- A
9:00- B
10:00- C
11:00- D
12:00- F
I got a C- today. I don't know why I've been sleeping in so late lately. I woke up this morning and I just didn't want to get up. That's so unusual for the summer. And the first thing I'm doing, before a shower or breakfast or anything is typing on the computer. I guess I'm trying my hardest to avoid reality.
Everywhere in my house, there's something depressing waiting to spring on me like a snake: all the clothes I haven't washed, (which is all of my clothes, actually, I have nothing to wear that's clean.) the dog hair all over the house that I really don't want to vacuum away, all the books about college scattered everywhere, none of them read, the loose change on the floor of my bathroom. I don't know why that's so sad. It just is.
And I know I'm leaving tomorrow and I really want to go to Texas. But I slept in my mom's bed with her last night b/c her boyfriend is out of town and Snoopy is dead. The room was just so empty, even with me in it. When me and George go back to my dad's, she'll be here all by herself. Of course, shortly after she'll be flying to Ireland to dine and converse with intellectual celebrities but she'll still be alone. And that makes me really sad.
I'm not loving God enough. I know that. I know that I've failed Him in my personal life. I haven't read the Bible at all and I usually read it every day. I haven't gone to church once all summer. (That thing last Sunday absolutely does NOT count.) I haven't spent any time with Him at all besides quick fervent prayers about friends or my family when the thought pops into my head.
I've failed Him in the way that my life affects everyone else. I haven't stuck to my resolutions at all this summer. I haven't done any ACT/SAT prep, haven't read any of the college books all the way through that my mom got me, and haven't even managed to make any money or do anything else relatively productive.
So, I'm really really sad. I don't want to face today. I just want to go back to bed. I keep expecting to hear my dog bark at the UPS guy or hear him come running to the kitchen so I can feed him or just come running anyway, just to see me. I miss him so much. We've had him since I was six. He used to sleep next to me when I was sad.
It happened so fast. Night before last I fed him, took him for a walk, played with him, hugged him. Then yesterday by 9:00 he was just this dead thing that I didn't want to touch. And we buried him in the backyard. We dug an extremely deep hole, which was therapeutic in a way, and then we buried him. I think the weirdest part about it was when we put the red clay over him because I kept expecting him to start barking or to try to climb out of the hole.
I know I'm being stupid because he's just a dog but I'm really really sad. I've had friends die before and this is just as upsetting. Which makes me feel stupid and selfish.
Well, I'm going to take a shower and do some laundry and clean up my crap.