happeh
HAPPY HALLOWEEN xx
nopes im not depressed, im still happy today :D iv been talking to one of my best mates stu cos he has msn messanger now WOOO i told him it was a good idea. hahaha. Not talked to matty, but im trying to forget about him like that, trying not to love him, and i think with stu to distract me ill do better than i was now. I was meant to be going out tonight but i dont think i will, i cant handle staying at someone elses place. I recon even if i stop loving him ill stay alone, really, i dont wanna have to go through this again. It isnt just matty though i mean every relationship iv been in iv got fucked over and yeah i think it is probably me, im fucked up and i should stay alone in that case before i hurt anyone else.
i dunno if im looking foward to andy and clares thing in a few days, itll be weird, i think ill feel a little bit lonley around so many couples. Im tempted to ask matty to come..well beg him too lmao, if i stay at sarahs that night if i can, just to talk to him like freinds, but he's right, we shouldnt see much of each other. Im trying to stop loving him now, i distract myself when i think about him which has been working, i didnt miss him as much today :)
Sarahs trying to get me with one of her bouncer mates, along with a few other people who are intrested in me from everything from relationships to one night stands but i cant do it, it actually makes me feel sick at the moment to think i could do this to shit myself again. I feel ill thinking about kissing carl on the weekend, i hate being drunk i forget what im doing..or worse, stop caring. -_- iv gone from a slag to a lass in love with a conscience. I dont know, its a good thing though.
I need to stop sciving college, my tutors gonna kick my ass.
Morphine x
nopes im not depressed, im still happy today :D iv been talking to one of my best mates stu cos he has msn messanger now WOOO i told him it was a good idea. hahaha. Not talked to matty, but im trying to forget about him like that, trying not to love him, and i think with stu to distract me ill do better than i was now. I was meant to be going out tonight but i dont think i will, i cant handle staying at someone elses place. I recon even if i stop loving him ill stay alone, really, i dont wanna have to go through this again. It isnt just matty though i mean every relationship iv been in iv got fucked over and yeah i think it is probably me, im fucked up and i should stay alone in that case before i hurt anyone else.
i dunno if im looking foward to andy and clares thing in a few days, itll be weird, i think ill feel a little bit lonley around so many couples. Im tempted to ask matty to come..well beg him too lmao, if i stay at sarahs that night if i can, just to talk to him like freinds, but he's right, we shouldnt see much of each other. Im trying to stop loving him now, i distract myself when i think about him which has been working, i didnt miss him as much today :)
Sarahs trying to get me with one of her bouncer mates, along with a few other people who are intrested in me from everything from relationships to one night stands but i cant do it, it actually makes me feel sick at the moment to think i could do this to shit myself again. I feel ill thinking about kissing carl on the weekend, i hate being drunk i forget what im doing..or worse, stop caring. -_- iv gone from a slag to a lass in love with a conscience. I dont know, its a good thing though.
I need to stop sciving college, my tutors gonna kick my ass.
Morphine x