Enough
I cant take this pain matty is so intent on causing me. Yes i love him, yes i start to get over him as he asks me to, yes i find someone else and stop hurting but its not good enough as it never is with me. He has to fuck up what me and kilvo have and tell me he loves me and misses me again? I get my hopes up everytime we share affection like it was in the beginning and he always turns my world upside down. I cant do it, i cant be his shagpeice, he cant expect me to stay single for him though i know i would, to not be with anyone because it upsets him though he cant be with me? If he wants me so much then he should come fucking get me because im not waiting any longer, im not hoping anymore to be crushed. I feel used, i dont know whats happening anymore, i get hurt over and over by him and i keep coming back for more? im slowly killing myself for a man who just wants a bit of fun when the mood takes him. Im so messed up, i love him, more than i can take and it tears me up i mean im obviously crying now and ill admit it, because iv stopped caring, as i was last night and the night before and i cant stop because ill never be his and he'll never be mine and sometimes it hurts that much i cant breathe and have to calm myself down. It was so long ago this started and its been like this for months now, i wouldnt take this shit off anyone else, but i cant help it, iv fallen so hard for him and i cant pick myself up. I daydream what could be but everytime i come back to reality it smashes any dreams knowing he doesnt care, he maybe does love me but i find it hard to see how? how can he do this to me over and over?
he has me round his finger and i cant do anything about it, im his though i hate it.
Morphine x