(no subject)
-i'm not ok.
i'm ok.
-i'm sad.
i'm happy.
-i'm scared.
yes, i'm scared. fucking scared.
money issues are worrying me. my current life worrys me. i have so much feelings lately that its currently hard to deal with. its very hot and cold. hot, hot, scorching,cold, cold, freezing. i think i know what i want to do with it. it being my life. but if anyone that reads this actually knows me, they will also know that i've said that before. but you see, that was my predicament. i was constantly coming up with ideas of things i'd like to do with my life to fund me traveling the world and experiencing new things.
one drunken night at a bar with my roommate and his boss, his boss asks me what i want to do with my life. at first i'm thrown off because this trashed, semi-goodlooking really chill and seemingly intelligent guy asked me what i felt like was a really personal question upon first meeting him. so i pause, and after 2 seconds of thinking, i say travel and experience the world. then i go on to explain how noone can really appreciate what they have and know how to live until they see how the rest of the world lives, and what is really important. and it was true. i didn't throw out some stupid line about how i want to own a bakery, teashop (which i still want to eventually do) but instead, i said what i need to do first. the best part was he agreed. he acted like it was the best thing he'd ever heard, and it made me feel good. the three of us had a really great, enriching conversation about world travel and experiencing things and since then it has not left my mind.
now 2 or so weeks later, i feel like i have a rough plan. of course i need to educate myself more on the topic, but... i want to be a vagabond. i just want to leave with a single destination in mind then go wherever that leads me. ofcourse i have a pre-plan. the pre-vagabonding will involve becoming fluent en espanol (which has already begun thanks to Michel Thomas) and possibly getting my TEFL certificate. i figure that is a good credential to have when i am stranded in a foreign country without a job or money! it might seem crazy, but i have never felt more sure of something in a while. i have never been able to wrap my head around american culture. which is weird since its all i've really been exposed to. but working 40 hours a week for practically every week of your life just to get 'the perfect house', 'the perfect car' or even 'the perfect life' just doesn't work for me. it kills me to think that i would be putting all that time and energy into making someone elses pockets bigger just to live and acquire more and more material possessions. it doesn't interest me. i want to collect memories and experiences, and not just the ones that are made on the 2 weeks i am alotted every year to escape the rigmarole of the work life. never mind the fact that all it really is doing is consuming. i don't want to just be another consumer or the planet.
i want to be a contributor. an experiencer. a vagabond.
i'm ok.
-i'm sad.
i'm happy.
-i'm scared.
yes, i'm scared. fucking scared.
money issues are worrying me. my current life worrys me. i have so much feelings lately that its currently hard to deal with. its very hot and cold. hot, hot, scorching,cold, cold, freezing. i think i know what i want to do with it. it being my life. but if anyone that reads this actually knows me, they will also know that i've said that before. but you see, that was my predicament. i was constantly coming up with ideas of things i'd like to do with my life to fund me traveling the world and experiencing new things.
one drunken night at a bar with my roommate and his boss, his boss asks me what i want to do with my life. at first i'm thrown off because this trashed, semi-goodlooking really chill and seemingly intelligent guy asked me what i felt like was a really personal question upon first meeting him. so i pause, and after 2 seconds of thinking, i say travel and experience the world. then i go on to explain how noone can really appreciate what they have and know how to live until they see how the rest of the world lives, and what is really important. and it was true. i didn't throw out some stupid line about how i want to own a bakery, teashop (which i still want to eventually do) but instead, i said what i need to do first. the best part was he agreed. he acted like it was the best thing he'd ever heard, and it made me feel good. the three of us had a really great, enriching conversation about world travel and experiencing things and since then it has not left my mind.
now 2 or so weeks later, i feel like i have a rough plan. of course i need to educate myself more on the topic, but... i want to be a vagabond. i just want to leave with a single destination in mind then go wherever that leads me. ofcourse i have a pre-plan. the pre-vagabonding will involve becoming fluent en espanol (which has already begun thanks to Michel Thomas) and possibly getting my TEFL certificate. i figure that is a good credential to have when i am stranded in a foreign country without a job or money! it might seem crazy, but i have never felt more sure of something in a while. i have never been able to wrap my head around american culture. which is weird since its all i've really been exposed to. but working 40 hours a week for practically every week of your life just to get 'the perfect house', 'the perfect car' or even 'the perfect life' just doesn't work for me. it kills me to think that i would be putting all that time and energy into making someone elses pockets bigger just to live and acquire more and more material possessions. it doesn't interest me. i want to collect memories and experiences, and not just the ones that are made on the 2 weeks i am alotted every year to escape the rigmarole of the work life. never mind the fact that all it really is doing is consuming. i don't want to just be another consumer or the planet.
i want to be a contributor. an experiencer. a vagabond.