Wow it's been a long fucking time since I posted here.
I'm fairly positive that no one actually pays any attention to this anymore, which means that this is a perfect place to post all my horribly emo stuff, pretend it's totally public, and actually get zero attention from it.
And really, it's not even that emo. I'm just venting some frustration. Need vent. SO MUCH VENT. Sorry in advance, you were warned, etc.
I feel positively run ragged. I've been home a week, and it's been a week of non-stop planned activities. I have no idea how to even function.
I am also having just the worst time sleeping. This bed is too small for me, the mattress is screwing up my shoulders (too hard), and it rattles every time I roll over.
I'm having a great time with my family, really! I had a wonderful Xmas, and we had a great gift haul from some very generous people. I'm just totally pooped and don't know how to deal with the complete lack of privacy. I'm not used to this many questions!
Also, a weirdish thing has been happening to me? You know how lots of women my age see all the baby prams and feel their ovaries jump up and strangle them as if to say I NEED A BABY I NEED A BABY SOMEONE MAKE A BABY WITH ME RIGHT NOW THIS INSTANT??!
That's been happening to me. But not with babies. It's been happening with puppies. Guys, I'm craving puppies. I need a puppy so bad I can taste it. I can taste the puppy. It's gross and it's making me cough because that's what dog hair does when it gets in your mouth. ptooie!
We're inheriting a cat. We being the boy and I. I'm okay with this, I love Mary (the owner of the cat) and Lucky is a lovely cat who is very docile and friendly. Buttttttttttt. Since Maizey died, I've come to realize more and more that I am just NOT a cat person. Pete doesn't seem to get it. He's so negative about it. yeah, my schedule has sucked this year, but if Kate can managed two dogs, I'm sure I can make it work in my life somehow, especially since I'm out of school. It's not going to happen anytime soon, because of our apartment, but as soon as we're settled somewhere more stable (as in, we won't be moving within the year), I would really like to get a dog. My dog. Pete can have a say to the extent of, does this dog get on with both of us, but I'm picking breed, adoption place, etc. The cat is his buddy. I need a dog for me.
He keeps going on about how much he wants a German Shepherd. I, personally, want a Good Dog, though my ultimate preference would be another lab. I like labs. Maizey was a lab. Obviously, I'd be prioritizing a shelter mutt over anything else, but I will probably be looking seriously at only dogs 1 year and younger. Maizey's death hit me really hard, and I'm just not ready to face the prospect of only having a couple years with a furry baby. I'd like a good decade at least, thankyouverymuch.
I miss my dog. I cuddle with the box her ashes are in like a total crazy person. Cats love you on their own terms, but dogs will actually hug you back.
I feel like my life is completely out of my control right now. I feel too paralyzed to make decisions about anything. As soon as I make decisions about anything, the universe smacks me in the face with the opposite thing and shouts PSYCHE. I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like no one actually believes in me.
I certainly don't believe in myself. Shhhhh, internet. That's a secret.
I should really go to bed. If I can even sleep at all. I hate this bed. It hurts to sleep in. :(
And really, it's not even that emo. I'm just venting some frustration. Need vent. SO MUCH VENT. Sorry in advance, you were warned, etc.
I feel positively run ragged. I've been home a week, and it's been a week of non-stop planned activities. I have no idea how to even function.
I am also having just the worst time sleeping. This bed is too small for me, the mattress is screwing up my shoulders (too hard), and it rattles every time I roll over.
I'm having a great time with my family, really! I had a wonderful Xmas, and we had a great gift haul from some very generous people. I'm just totally pooped and don't know how to deal with the complete lack of privacy. I'm not used to this many questions!
Also, a weirdish thing has been happening to me? You know how lots of women my age see all the baby prams and feel their ovaries jump up and strangle them as if to say I NEED A BABY I NEED A BABY SOMEONE MAKE A BABY WITH ME RIGHT NOW THIS INSTANT??!
That's been happening to me. But not with babies. It's been happening with puppies. Guys, I'm craving puppies. I need a puppy so bad I can taste it. I can taste the puppy. It's gross and it's making me cough because that's what dog hair does when it gets in your mouth. ptooie!
We're inheriting a cat. We being the boy and I. I'm okay with this, I love Mary (the owner of the cat) and Lucky is a lovely cat who is very docile and friendly. Buttttttttttt. Since Maizey died, I've come to realize more and more that I am just NOT a cat person. Pete doesn't seem to get it. He's so negative about it. yeah, my schedule has sucked this year, but if Kate can managed two dogs, I'm sure I can make it work in my life somehow, especially since I'm out of school. It's not going to happen anytime soon, because of our apartment, but as soon as we're settled somewhere more stable (as in, we won't be moving within the year), I would really like to get a dog. My dog. Pete can have a say to the extent of, does this dog get on with both of us, but I'm picking breed, adoption place, etc. The cat is his buddy. I need a dog for me.
He keeps going on about how much he wants a German Shepherd. I, personally, want a Good Dog, though my ultimate preference would be another lab. I like labs. Maizey was a lab. Obviously, I'd be prioritizing a shelter mutt over anything else, but I will probably be looking seriously at only dogs 1 year and younger. Maizey's death hit me really hard, and I'm just not ready to face the prospect of only having a couple years with a furry baby. I'd like a good decade at least, thankyouverymuch.
I miss my dog. I cuddle with the box her ashes are in like a total crazy person. Cats love you on their own terms, but dogs will actually hug you back.
I feel like my life is completely out of my control right now. I feel too paralyzed to make decisions about anything. As soon as I make decisions about anything, the universe smacks me in the face with the opposite thing and shouts PSYCHE. I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like no one actually believes in me.
I certainly don't believe in myself. Shhhhh, internet. That's a secret.
I should really go to bed. If I can even sleep at all. I hate this bed. It hurts to sleep in. :(