I can't get out
I feel angry all the time. I take it out of the people around me. I feel like I have to have on a happy face all the time and pretend I'm not a suicidal freak inside. I work all the time. When I'm not at the restaurant, I'm in the garden, when I'm not in the garden, I'm cleaning my room, or organizing something because someone else wants me to. When I'm not doing that, I have to work on this movie that NO ONE in my family takes seriously and thinks is a stupid waste of my time. They want me to do PAH Fest, where I'll basically be slave labor run crew for a bunch of film shorts all week long.
Any time I take off work is just so I can work somewhere else. I have no fee time, no down time, and no privacy. The children are constantly in my room to talk to me or play with my rats.
I want to throw things at the wall. I want to break all the dishes, punch things and grab people by the shoulers and shake them until they feel the rage an frustration inside me. My parents are trying to suck me into their delusion that I'm getting a SUPER AWESOME financial aid award this year. I'm behind on my spring tuition. Western's not giving me anything but loans, and I have to pay for college by myself.
Every time someone says "welcome to the real world" I want to rip their head off. That's not sympathy, that's not even remotely going to make me feel better. If this is what my life is gong to be like, I don't want any part of it.
I keep thinking about hanging myself. It always seems like the best option.
How can anyone bring children into this horrible world? How could my parents do this to me?
Any time I take off work is just so I can work somewhere else. I have no fee time, no down time, and no privacy. The children are constantly in my room to talk to me or play with my rats.
I want to throw things at the wall. I want to break all the dishes, punch things and grab people by the shoulers and shake them until they feel the rage an frustration inside me. My parents are trying to suck me into their delusion that I'm getting a SUPER AWESOME financial aid award this year. I'm behind on my spring tuition. Western's not giving me anything but loans, and I have to pay for college by myself.
Every time someone says "welcome to the real world" I want to rip their head off. That's not sympathy, that's not even remotely going to make me feel better. If this is what my life is gong to be like, I don't want any part of it.
I keep thinking about hanging myself. It always seems like the best option.
How can anyone bring children into this horrible world? How could my parents do this to me?