A question or two is answered...
So I finally got hit with the urge to drabble for this fandom, and this is what I came up with.
Title: This Was Supposed To Be A Boy And His Car
Rating: PG
Pairing: Read it and find out
Warning: This is all dialog.
“You're a girl?”
“As far as human gender constructions are concerned, yes.”
“How?”
“Primus willed it so?”
“But...but...you had the voice of a man! And you don't look like a girl!”
“You mean I have none of the human biological characteristics of a woman.”
“Voice?!”
“My vocal processors were still being internally repaired. Besides, that voice was more robotic than human anyway.”
“All this time?”
“I thought you had noticed.”
“Not when you still used the radio to communicate!” Sigh, pause, “wait, you're a girl in a unit full of guys. How does that work?”
“Gender doesn't have the same meaning among autobots. That, and I have no interest in them.”
“Is that supposed to explain the Mikaela thing?”
“It is true that I identify with and also prefer the females of your species.”
“You mean you're a lesbian. My car is a lesbian, and she's converted my girlfriend to the dark side.”
“I'm not a decepticon and you know it.”
“MY GIRL...” pause, “well, FORMER GIRLFRIEND! IN A RELATIONSHIP! WITH MY CAR!”
“You have very good taste.”
“Is that supposed to console me?”
Pause, “yes?”
“Ah ha! I figured it out! Your voice sounds like that Keira Knightly chick!”
“Was that supposed to be a change in subject? Wait, wasn't she in that movie about pirates?”
“Three movies, actually.”
“Oh, they weren't bad.”
“Nah, the actress is pretty hot.”
“So can I take Mikaela on a date now?”
“Oh gods, this is so surreal. Why are you asking me? And I can't even threaten one of you with unimaginable pain should you hurt the other. You both mean too much to me.”
“That's really sweet. But I'm still asking you because one of the other autobots will have to watch you.”
“Watch me? Can't I hang out by myself?” Long silence. “That just happened that one time, I swear!”
“I don't even want to know how you ended up in such a position with a Mountain Dew machine. All I want is for it to never happen again. Ever.”
“Fine, I suppose this is better than tagging along and sitting through your date, only to have to sit on a bench in the rain when you two finally get around to the good part. Just so long as it isn't Optimus. Or Ratchet, I don't think I could handle Ratchet right now.”
“Fortunately for you, Optimus, Ratchet, and Ironhide are all busy. Jazz still isn't allowed out of the base. No, I covered a shift for someone else, and they'll take care of you.”
“That sounds ominous. Like, really ominous. Please tell me it's not who I think it is.”
“He really wanted to get a good waxing in, and that was the only time they had an open appointment.”
“I hate you. Really I do. With all my heart.”
“Love you too, Sam. Have a good time with Sunstreaker.”
“HATE!!”
Title: This Was Supposed To Be A Boy And His Car
Rating: PG
Pairing: Read it and find out
Warning: This is all dialog.
“You're a girl?”
“As far as human gender constructions are concerned, yes.”
“How?”
“Primus willed it so?”
“But...but...you had the voice of a man! And you don't look like a girl!”
“You mean I have none of the human biological characteristics of a woman.”
“Voice?!”
“My vocal processors were still being internally repaired. Besides, that voice was more robotic than human anyway.”
“All this time?”
“I thought you had noticed.”
“Not when you still used the radio to communicate!” Sigh, pause, “wait, you're a girl in a unit full of guys. How does that work?”
“Gender doesn't have the same meaning among autobots. That, and I have no interest in them.”
“Is that supposed to explain the Mikaela thing?”
“It is true that I identify with and also prefer the females of your species.”
“You mean you're a lesbian. My car is a lesbian, and she's converted my girlfriend to the dark side.”
“I'm not a decepticon and you know it.”
“MY GIRL...” pause, “well, FORMER GIRLFRIEND! IN A RELATIONSHIP! WITH MY CAR!”
“You have very good taste.”
“Is that supposed to console me?”
Pause, “yes?”
“Ah ha! I figured it out! Your voice sounds like that Keira Knightly chick!”
“Was that supposed to be a change in subject? Wait, wasn't she in that movie about pirates?”
“Three movies, actually.”
“Oh, they weren't bad.”
“Nah, the actress is pretty hot.”
“So can I take Mikaela on a date now?”
“Oh gods, this is so surreal. Why are you asking me? And I can't even threaten one of you with unimaginable pain should you hurt the other. You both mean too much to me.”
“That's really sweet. But I'm still asking you because one of the other autobots will have to watch you.”
“Watch me? Can't I hang out by myself?” Long silence. “That just happened that one time, I swear!”
“I don't even want to know how you ended up in such a position with a Mountain Dew machine. All I want is for it to never happen again. Ever.”
“Fine, I suppose this is better than tagging along and sitting through your date, only to have to sit on a bench in the rain when you two finally get around to the good part. Just so long as it isn't Optimus. Or Ratchet, I don't think I could handle Ratchet right now.”
“Fortunately for you, Optimus, Ratchet, and Ironhide are all busy. Jazz still isn't allowed out of the base. No, I covered a shift for someone else, and they'll take care of you.”
“That sounds ominous. Like, really ominous. Please tell me it's not who I think it is.”
“He really wanted to get a good waxing in, and that was the only time they had an open appointment.”
“I hate you. Really I do. With all my heart.”
“Love you too, Sam. Have a good time with Sunstreaker.”
“HATE!!”