Nemi-fic, angsty sadness on the Ease of loving someone
Title: Ease
Author: Nemi
Disclaimer: I play around with plot bunnies and occasionally ideas for transformer toys, that's pretty much it insofar as this is concerned
Rating: PG, for mentioning that humans use biology with vague reference to reproduction/attraction, possible hint of a wish for a threesome
Warnings: Angsty, sad
Status: done July 31, 2007
Author's Notes: Not the fic I was saying I was working on when I joined, this just grabbed my head in class and I scribbled out a bit in my notebook and wrote it up during break and posted it. So unbetaed, with no intention of sequel. Sorry about all the tags but just to be sure...
He was in love, but no one knew.
He was ninety percent certain that he'd never tell, either.
His partner had no clue as to his feelings, despite the wealth of information he had access to, that they shared with each other. They talked and talked, sharing ideas and knowledge, working on homework and learning so much from one another. They picked up on each other's jargon and language and thought patterns leading the way to greater understanding between their two radically different species.
He still watched for some hint though, in perverse torture of self.
The three of them could even have private conversations in public through carefully selected radio stations, references, and snippets of pidgin cybertronian snuck in as mumbles into human speech.
Vast differences, but so akin, it could have been perfect if only--
He didn't want to process how unlikely reciprocation was.
He was loved back, just not the way he wanted. For the sake of friendship he never hinted that he felt any different. He insisted to himself that it was enough.
It wasn't. He'd make due. He'd trick himself into thinking, into believing it was.
It was...easier for him to love his partner than it was for him to love him back. For it to even occur for him to love him back. Millennia of culture dictating the-way-things-should-be keeping them apart.
Autobots, Cybertronians rather, didn't have genders, didn't have sex as humans understood it. So how could he ever understand?
He couldn't. All his short life exposed to culture and millennia of biology kept them apart.
Of prime concern to Cybertronians, to him, was the spark and mind. The Person, not the Shell.
It was easier for Bee to love Sam than it was for Sam to love him. But as the boy, his boy, slid into his seat, caressed his Autobot symbol like he did that very first time, and greeted him so warmly Bee told himself it was enough.
All these times linked together would be but an eye-blink to him. And for this fraction of an eye-blink he could make himself believe and be at ease.
Author: Nemi
Disclaimer: I play around with plot bunnies and occasionally ideas for transformer toys, that's pretty much it insofar as this is concerned
Rating: PG, for mentioning that humans use biology with vague reference to reproduction/attraction, possible hint of a wish for a threesome
Warnings: Angsty, sad
Status: done July 31, 2007
Author's Notes: Not the fic I was saying I was working on when I joined, this just grabbed my head in class and I scribbled out a bit in my notebook and wrote it up during break and posted it. So unbetaed, with no intention of sequel. Sorry about all the tags but just to be sure...
He was in love, but no one knew.
He was ninety percent certain that he'd never tell, either.
His partner had no clue as to his feelings, despite the wealth of information he had access to, that they shared with each other. They talked and talked, sharing ideas and knowledge, working on homework and learning so much from one another. They picked up on each other's jargon and language and thought patterns leading the way to greater understanding between their two radically different species.
He still watched for some hint though, in perverse torture of self.
The three of them could even have private conversations in public through carefully selected radio stations, references, and snippets of pidgin cybertronian snuck in as mumbles into human speech.
Vast differences, but so akin, it could have been perfect if only--
He didn't want to process how unlikely reciprocation was.
He was loved back, just not the way he wanted. For the sake of friendship he never hinted that he felt any different. He insisted to himself that it was enough.
It wasn't. He'd make due. He'd trick himself into thinking, into believing it was.
It was...easier for him to love his partner than it was for him to love him back. For it to even occur for him to love him back. Millennia of culture dictating the-way-things-should-be keeping them apart.
Autobots, Cybertronians rather, didn't have genders, didn't have sex as humans understood it. So how could he ever understand?
He couldn't. All his short life exposed to culture and millennia of biology kept them apart.
Of prime concern to Cybertronians, to him, was the spark and mind. The Person, not the Shell.
It was easier for Bee to love Sam than it was for Sam to love him. But as the boy, his boy, slid into his seat, caressed his Autobot symbol like he did that very first time, and greeted him so warmly Bee told himself it was enough.
All these times linked together would be but an eye-blink to him. And for this fraction of an eye-blink he could make himself believe and be at ease.