(no subject)
...It's starting again. That feeling that I get when I really think about my feelings for Randy. It makes me very sad and cry sometimes because I know that no matter what I do, I will never be able to know him like I would a friend. I get that feeling like I miss him, like as if the closest person to you ever in the world went somewhere, and has yet to return after many years. And this closest person is someone you have great and deep feelings for...so it hurts. That's how I feel. I hate having these days. And sometimes they go on for more than one day. One time it lasted a week and a half. I know how unserious this sounds but it's all real and I really do have feelings for Randy just in a different way. I love him not because of his looks, or his facial features, but because he's someone there to love. I don't love him because of his personality, or his way of acting around me because I don't know what any of that is...But fortunatley for Steph, I haven't cried yet. She left a message on my last entry and made me feel so much better. She doesn't even realize she did it. But if she didn't, I would be sitting here crying. No, I'm not searching for someone to feel sorry for me. I'm just expressing my feelings. And that's how I feel eight now. It's the best I can do to explain everything.