ska beat

[beevur]

My mind kicked ass last year. I was looking through the 2 sketchbooks i had, and wow. I wish i had written down more. There was so much that I had erased and forgot to rewrite; all my short poems in the back of my sketchbook for art class have fuzzy imprints and nothing more - nothing legible. I did, however, keep a few lines that I didn't feel were destructive if others saw. My drawings, too.. especially the earlier ones. I was a compulsive doodler, and I always drew people. A bunch were people sitting in my classes, of course the one of Jesse stood out. :) I would always see his face covered by his hat and his hair and wonder what was going on in his head, so to compensate I drew it. Something about certain people fascinated me and I would constantly try to recreate it on paper. Another one that sticks is this one I drew of Ryan giving me this probing look; he's sitting crouched and all i could see were his eyes. This was like, the day before the 1st del amo incident. I still remember the potency of that stare. Ah, good times, good times... As for my sketchbook not for my art class, oh my. I went all out, just writing down my thoghts raw, everything I was afraid to say went down on the white paper, even those dumb stick figure drawings. Ryan and Ted, i'm sure you remember some of that. And in there were the nail polish paintings too! God damn those were awesome. And just, all the little things - the tiny details I would put in to somehow connect my ideas together, taht could only be detected under close inspection. I was a creative little bugger in 2003 (and some of 2004). I wish I could have that back.

That's what I want for christmas. The blissful swirls of thought that I now lack.