My life has been Kingsvillized
On the first day of school, one of my professors introduced the term "Kingsvillized" as a joke. It basically means that, when you're in Kingsville, anything that can break will break and it will take forever to fix, if it ever gets fixed at all. That's kind of how I've felt about the past few days.
My birthday... well... it was pretty goddamn disappointing. Not so much the day itself, but moreso in the days following it. I knew that my actual birthday was going to be jam-packed with work, so I was anticipating that. But the rest of the week didn't go so well either. For example, one of my professors posted the wrong exam grade - although it got fixed, I spent an entire evening panicking that I had completely tanked an exam due to a computer/Scantron error. Another thing, my new sphygmomanometer (blood pressure gauge) fell off of a table and is now broken. It's under warranty, but we have a test coming up regarding how to take blood pressures and I need all the practice I can get. But now... I'm stuck. No idea how long it's going to take to get a replacement.
On my birthday, I received a bunch of messages in the vein of "make sure you put down the textbook and go have fun on your birthday!". While I appreciate the sentiment, hearing stuff like that is like pouring salt into a wound. With all the work I have to do, I really CAN'T tear myself away to do something fun. And even if I did, I would end up getting a bad grade as well as feel guilty the whole damn time I was goofing off (she says, as she types up a whiny LJ post instead of studying). One of the things I was looking forward to the most as receiving a package from my family - I wasn't expecting much, but a little gift would have made the whole "working through your birthday" thing a little easier. And yet, even that tanked into the ground.
This year, I received:
- Gift cards to fast food, even though I'm desperately trying (and failing) to not gain weight
- A shirt that doesn't fit
- A movie I already own
And while I'm very grateful that people spent money on me (I'm not entitled to presents by any stretch of the imagination) it still felt bad. I was so busy that I didn't even think to whip up a wish list, so it's entirely my fault. But it still felt bad. I worked my ass off through my birthday and the days following it, and I was hoping that those gifts would serve as something of a pick-me-up to make up for that fact.
I feel like I'm being a bratty piece of shit for complaining about it, but it's honestly how I feel.
To make matters worse, I called my parents last night to say hello. When they asked about the packages, I told them the truth. They felt really bad, which only made me feel like a more ungrateful piece of gutter-trash. I should have just lied. Not to mention, my mom was asking me if "I was sure that this was where I wanted to be". I've always had second thoughts about Kingsville (not about pharmacy school, this is what I want to do with my life) and it just reminded me of the fact that I've never completely gotten over being rejected by UT. Apparently, I'm incapable of moving on with my life.
There was one "gift" I received though, although it wasn't intentional. The day after my birthday, the musical episode of Batman: the Brave and the Bold leaked onto the internet. I'd been waiting for months to see it, and it was easily one of the best episodes from any show I have ever watched. The songs have been stuck in my head all week and are basically the only things keeping my spirits up right now. It's kind of pathetic, but I'll take what I can get at this point.
Human Physiology test tomorrow, Drug Action test on Thursday. Both are going to be wretched.
If you ever hear someone call pharmacists nothing more than pill-pushers, punch them in the jaw for me, okay?
My birthday... well... it was pretty goddamn disappointing. Not so much the day itself, but moreso in the days following it. I knew that my actual birthday was going to be jam-packed with work, so I was anticipating that. But the rest of the week didn't go so well either. For example, one of my professors posted the wrong exam grade - although it got fixed, I spent an entire evening panicking that I had completely tanked an exam due to a computer/Scantron error. Another thing, my new sphygmomanometer (blood pressure gauge) fell off of a table and is now broken. It's under warranty, but we have a test coming up regarding how to take blood pressures and I need all the practice I can get. But now... I'm stuck. No idea how long it's going to take to get a replacement.
On my birthday, I received a bunch of messages in the vein of "make sure you put down the textbook and go have fun on your birthday!". While I appreciate the sentiment, hearing stuff like that is like pouring salt into a wound. With all the work I have to do, I really CAN'T tear myself away to do something fun. And even if I did, I would end up getting a bad grade as well as feel guilty the whole damn time I was goofing off (she says, as she types up a whiny LJ post instead of studying). One of the things I was looking forward to the most as receiving a package from my family - I wasn't expecting much, but a little gift would have made the whole "working through your birthday" thing a little easier. And yet, even that tanked into the ground.
This year, I received:
- Gift cards to fast food, even though I'm desperately trying (and failing) to not gain weight
- A shirt that doesn't fit
- A movie I already own
And while I'm very grateful that people spent money on me (I'm not entitled to presents by any stretch of the imagination) it still felt bad. I was so busy that I didn't even think to whip up a wish list, so it's entirely my fault. But it still felt bad. I worked my ass off through my birthday and the days following it, and I was hoping that those gifts would serve as something of a pick-me-up to make up for that fact.
I feel like I'm being a bratty piece of shit for complaining about it, but it's honestly how I feel.
To make matters worse, I called my parents last night to say hello. When they asked about the packages, I told them the truth. They felt really bad, which only made me feel like a more ungrateful piece of gutter-trash. I should have just lied. Not to mention, my mom was asking me if "I was sure that this was where I wanted to be". I've always had second thoughts about Kingsville (not about pharmacy school, this is what I want to do with my life) and it just reminded me of the fact that I've never completely gotten over being rejected by UT. Apparently, I'm incapable of moving on with my life.
There was one "gift" I received though, although it wasn't intentional. The day after my birthday, the musical episode of Batman: the Brave and the Bold leaked onto the internet. I'd been waiting for months to see it, and it was easily one of the best episodes from any show I have ever watched. The songs have been stuck in my head all week and are basically the only things keeping my spirits up right now. It's kind of pathetic, but I'll take what I can get at this point.
Human Physiology test tomorrow, Drug Action test on Thursday. Both are going to be wretched.
If you ever hear someone call pharmacists nothing more than pill-pushers, punch them in the jaw for me, okay?