3/3 You Settle like the Snow, and Every Sin you Bring: R

[beetches]

“I can’t be what you think I should be.”

The words fly around in Sulu’s head, a swarm of moths, bringing serious damage to everything soft and warm he keeps there. He’d always known there would be lessons in life he wouldn’t want to learn; he hadn’t counted on learning one of them from an eighteen year old kid. It turned out that, even while Sulu was chastising other people for treating Pavel Chekov like a child, he had been doing that very thing day after day; assuming that, just because he was sweet and eager and helpful, that he was also naïve and ignorant to the darker parts of the world. It had been one of the only things that made sense in the universe, to Sulu, it had been something to cling to when all other evidence told him that everything was awful. And now it's shattered.

“What are you talking about?”

“You. You have… how you say… picture, in your head, of how I am. It is a lie, and so I cannot listen to what you have to say about me. You have never seen me.”

Sulu had originally intended it to be a confrontation on his part, he had intended to be angry as, he thought, was his right. Chekov and the captain had planned together to get him drunk and take advantage of him in one of their twisted sex games that they apparently engaged in on a regular basis. He thought he deserved to be angry, and that Chekov deserved a piece of his mind, but the boy had seen right through him. He’d looked right into Sulu and answered the question he was thinking, and not the one he asked. Sulu remembers snarling:

“I think I’ve seen more than enough of you.”

And immediately regretting it. The hurt look that appeared on Chekov’s face was nothing compared to the surprised look that never showed. Sulu’s words had been painful to Chekov, but not unexpected, and he felt sick at the thought that he was one of those people who could be reliably cruel. Chekov had walked away from the conversation then, leaving Sulu feeling the same way he’d felt when he ran away from the captain’s quarters that night.

~*~

The last time Chekov and Sulu were seen talking to each other outside of the bridge was over a month ago and the entire Alpha bridge crew, and many others are suffering for it. It's ridiculous and amazing how the relationship between a couple of people can affect so many others. Chekov, who is usually all smiles and sunlight, who can make almost anyone grin just by asking them a question and who constantly makes the worst situations seem better either by fixing them or making the best of them, spends most of his time quietly doing his work and never trying to talk to anyone else. He buries himself in equations and rarely changes his facial expression; people have tried to get him to open up but he just gives them a sad smile and thanks them for their concern. Sulu is irritable and, it seems, has shortened his vocabulary to just the basic words he needs to answer questions about his job. Performance on the bridge is slowly declining, the chipper atmosphere in the officer's lounge when they're all off-shift together is gone, the plants in the greenhouse are starting to wither, and worst of all, Jim Kirk isn’t getting laid.

Normally if Chekov is unavailable, Kirk can convince some other sweet young thing to share his bed for the night, but the contagious depression brought about by the fight between the navigator and pilot makes it nearly impossible to get someone in the right mood and, if he's completely honest, throws him off his game a little.

Everyone knows the lull in morale had to do with Chekov and Sulu, no one knows it's entirely Kirk’s fault. When Sulu ignores Kirk’s attempts to talk to him or shoots him angry glares, everyone just thinks it's because of his bad mood; Kirk appreciates the discretion and figures the gestures have a very distinct ‘stay out of it’ message behind them, but he has to ignore that. For the sake of his crew and his sex life, with or without Chekov, he has to do something to fix this; and he has a plan.

It’s a simple scheme, really, one of the oldest tricks in the book, but Kirk figures the reason it’s still in the book after all that time is because it works.

“All you have to do is ask Chekov to meet you on Deck 2, in the Officers’ lounge, tell him-I don’t know, tell him your pants are on fire, think of something and make it believable.”

The First Officer raises his eyebrows and Kirk kind of wants to punch him. This is important, dammit, he doesn’t have time for Spock’s precious logic.

“Captain, do you suppose it is wise to proceed in such a manner? My experience with human relationships, when emotions are not following their usual pattern, shows that they are complex and almost impossible to predict.” Kirk is peeved, Spock is telling him about human relationships? The little shit.

“Of course it isn’t wise, Spock, but unless you have a better idea-“

“I do not, sir, but there is a very good possibility that you may unintentionally hurt Mr. Chekov and Mr. Sulu by trying to help. I am merely inquiring as to why you feel it is necessary to carry out this plan.”

“Because I have to do something.” Kirk snaps and something flickers in Spock’s eyes, a tiny glimmer of comprehension on his otherwise stoic face. Kirk gives him a what-are-you-gawking-at-get-moving look and Spock nods.

“Of course, Captain.” Kirk rolls his eyes and turns his back on the First Officer; he pulls out his PADD and calls Sulu in his room. The pilot sounds groggy when he answers, like he just woke up from a nap. Good, Kirk thinks, it means he won’t be too tired by the time he walks into the trap.

“Lieutenant, you’re needed on Deck 2, in the Officers’ Lounge. Two minutes ago, move.” He’s sure hears a few swear words mixed in with the grumbling that comes as a response, but he disconnects before he can say anything about proper vocabulary around a Captain. He turns around to face Spock just as the Commander is storing his PADD; Kirk gives him an expectant look.

“Ensign Chekov is on his way.” Kirk smiles and gives Spock a light punch on the arm.

“Awesome.”

~*~

Hikaru Sulu often gets the feeling that he’s missed something. When he asked Morgyn Malone to go out with him at the age of twelve and she responded with uproarious laughter, he’d felt like he was missing something. When Xantio Burkwik got a brand new car for his seventeenth birthday and was letting people test drive it, Sulu felt like he was missing something when everyone shifted uncomfortably after he’d asked if he could try it. On the first flight of the USS Enterprise when he’d forgotten to disengage the external inertial dampener, he felt like he’d missed something because… well, he had.

Walking into the Officers’ Lounge on Deck 2 at 2300 hours and seeing Pavel sitting on one of the couches and stiffening when the door opens, Sulu immediately knows that this situation is just like the others. Pavel jumps to his feet when he sees Sulu, looking hopeful and elated, and it makes Sulu’s heart feel weightless. The door swishes closed behind him and Sulu is about to speak-- he nearly apologizes for everything he's ever done just because Chekov is looking at him like that-- then he sees the look switch to disappointment in a fraction of a second. It takes a moment, but Sulu eventually frowns and turns back to the door; he tries to open it but nothing happens. He tries a few more times and he can hear Pavel sighing and sitting back down on the couch.

“What’s going on, why won’t it open?” Sulu asks because he needs to say something. He’s still trying to manually open the door when Pavel responds.

“I’m not sure, I have tried myself several times. It's programmed to only open from the outside, I think.” He says, sounding not confused or angry, but something like annoyed. Sulu tries the door a few more times, he’s given up on getting it open by now, he just isn’t ready to face Pavel. Finally, when any more door-wrestling would make him look like an idiot, he turns around and tries not to look helpless.

“The captain told me I was needed here, he didn’t say what for, but he said it was urgent.” Sulu explains, figuring it’s a smart thing to do, get all the cards on the table. Pavel nods, seeming to understand.

“Commander Spock told me he wanted to play a game of chess with me.” He offers as Sulu makes his way over to the adjacent couch.

“When?” He asks, reaching for his PADD. Pavel does the same and checks the time of the call.

“Four minutes ago.” The ensign responds.

“Me too. That’s when Kirk called me.” Sulu tosses his PADD onto the nearby coffee table as Pavel swears in Russian. “What?”

Pavel doen’t respond to Sulu, deciding instead to start a rant that Sulu has no chance of understanding. Sulu sighs, shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling. “So we’re stuck, basically, until someone else comes in.” He speaks over the string of Russian.

“Da, yes, and I very much doubt that anyone will be visiting this room until morning.” He swears again.

“What makes you say that?”

“Let’s just say, I have feeling.” Sulu frowns, running all the information through his head again and coming to a conclusion he doesn’t like.

“We’ve been set up,” He says, realization dawning. Pavel nods miserably and puts his head in his hands. Sulu goes on cautiously, “by… the captain and Spock.” The ensign nods again and Sulu sighs, stretching his legs out on the couch and running his hands over his face. “Because…”

“Because the keptain doesn’t know how to mind his own business.” Pavel responds acidly. Sulu gives him a look of confusion and the boy straightens up, frowning and looking at the older man for the first time. “Mr. Sulu, you are a very smart man, I would appreciate it if you would not ‘play dumb’ in this situation. The keptain is trying to get us to talk, probably so that we can put aside our differences and go back to the way we were before. He plans to do this by locking us in a room together for the rest of the night which, as you perhaps have already noticed, he did.”

“Why does he even care?” Sulu asks with a grimace.

“I suspect he feels bad about the other night… having us do those things-”

“Don’t.” Sulu interrupts harshly and Pavel winces.

“It happened,” the ensign says evenly, with a small frown on his face that almost looks stubborn.

“Yeah, Pavel, I was there. Just… don’t.” They both sigh and look away from each other. There is a lengthy silence in which neither the pilot nor the navigator move; Chekov is sitting on the edge of the couch with his hands folded between his legs and his head bowed, Sulu is lying on the opposite couch with a forearm covering his eyes. It’s ages before either of them speak, and Sulu who finally breaks the quiet.

“…You got here before me.” He points out, removing his arm from his eyes and frowning. Chekov looks up suspiciously and gives a slow nod.

“Yes.”

“I was under the impression that there was an emergency here, and you were coming to play chess with Spock… and you got here before me.” Chekov blushes furiously and scratches the back of his head, trying to look casual.

“Well, my room is closer.”

“Not by that much.”

“I was in the area.”

“Liar.”

“I’m younger and a marathon winner, of course I can run faster than you!” Chekov is flustered now and his voice cracks halfway through the protest. Sulu bursts out laughing, sitting up on the couch to hold his stomach.

“What is so funny?” Chekov demands petulantly.

“You. You are funny. Why were you so eager to play chess with Spock?” Chekov rubs his arm and pouts a little.

“He never accepts when I offer. Everyone else will play chess with me but the Commander; always, he has an excuse. I suspect he is afraid that I might give him run for his money but he will not play me so I have no way of knowing-” He’s cut off by another hoot of laughter from Sulu and reluctantly cracks his own smile. The smile turns into a small giggle and eventually the two of them are laughing with each other like they never stopped. It feels so good that neither of them want to give it up, but eventually they have to. After that, they sit in the afterglow with small smiles on their faces, they breathe deeper and with more meaning, and every once in a while they catch each other’s eyes and give small, remembering smiles.

“You’re such a geek.” Sulu says with a well-meaning smile.

“Hikaru…” Chekov looks down at his hands and Sulu backpedals.

“I didn’t mean it like-”

“It’s not that. Hikaru, I am sorry.” He looks up again and Sulu has to look away.

“It’s Kirk’s fault, not yours.” He answers quietly, Chekov frowns.

“It is my fault, Hikaru, I am capable of making my own mistakes. When something goes wrong, I’m not exempt from blame just because I am young! Let me take responsibility for my actions!” He is so close to yelling, and he stops himself before he gets there, hissing his next words quietly and with conviction. “I am not a child.”

“I know that!” Sulu protests, joining in with his own loud voice.

“Obviously you don't, because you continue to treat me like one!”

“I meant it’s Kirk’s fault we’re in here, not Kirk’s fault we fucked!” Chekov’s reply falls away before he can even say it and both men stare at each other in silence until Sulu runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “That… I guess that’s on both of us.” He says sadly.

“Yes.” Chekov agrees and they both slump back into their respective sofas. There is a long pause in which both officers are caught up in their thoughts, which race and ramble in their heads, creating little sense and even less comfort. At one point Chekov looks to see Sulu with a small, nostalgic smile on his face; the older man stares at a scratch on the coffee table and speaks longingly.

“I used to think it was only a matter of time before you and I got together. I would-this is so pathetic, I would actually practice asking you out in front of the mirror; I had the whole conversation mapped out but it was just never the same when I actually talked to you. Sometimes I wondered what I would say if you asked me, because I thought you might. You’re so much braver than me.” He takes a second to smile over that observation before starting up again. “I thought, I’m going to be so good to him, and I couldn’t wait for the chance to show you. I didn’t know-”

“Hikaru,” Chekov interrupts softly, the sound of his name makes Sulu wince and he has to cover his eyes again, the dim light of the room doing nothing to help his headache.

“Why him?” Sulu asks, and it’s Chekov’s turn to wince.

“You don’t actually want me to tell you why, Hikaru.”

“Do you love him?” Chekov blushes and shakes his head.

“That’s not fair.”

“Well, I guess that’s my answer.” Sulu looks miserable and stands up, unsure of what he’s going to do or where he’s going to go, just knowing that he needs to get away. He feels a hand on his arm, gently stopping him from getting too far and Sulu has no choice but to turn around and face the other man.

“Please, Hikaru, I-the keptain is special to me. I care about him, as a dear friend.”

“And how do you care about me?” Sulu feels pathetic and stupid, much more like a child than he has ever seen Chekov act. His eyes are stinging and he has to resist the urge to wipe them dry. Chekov looks into his eyes and speaks slowly, carefully choosing his words.

“I care about you as someone who I… who I could love. Who I would like to-- Hikaru, this is too difficult.” Sulu, for his part, is too busy wishing he could be happier about this news to offer any comfort. “Let’s… maybe let’s just sit down? We aren’t going anywhere until morning.” Sulu nods and they both move to sit side by side on one of the sofas.

For what seems like the fiftieth time that night, Chekov and Sulu sit in silence, each waiting for the other to speak. Sulu keeps going over every word they’ve spoken to each other so far, wondering how, in those tiny pockets of conversation between bouts of quiet, so many emotions had been expressed. He finds that he can hardly keep up with everything; he needs to go back to the privacy of his room and mull over everything Chekov said like he usually does and come up with a new move, but he can’t. He decides he’ll just have to say what he’s thinking, and see how it goes from there.

“If I asked you to leave him, could you?”

“You mean…”

“I mean,” Sulu continues, needing himself to be one hundred percent clear. “If I asked you to be with me, but said I could only do it if you stopped seeing him, would you do that? Choose me over him?” It feels like days of nothing before Chekov responds, Sulu refuses to look at him because he doesn’t want to make the decision any more difficult. He knows it isn’t fair to make Pavel choose but he takes a bitter satisfaction in knowing that this is what the other man wants, to be treated like an adult, and that comes with hard decisions. However, it’s been over ten minutes and Sulu is just about to change the subject, his heart broken by the message behind Chekov’s silence when suddenly the Russian shifts slightly, closes his eyes and then speaks.

“Yes.”

~*~

Jim wonders where Sulu is right now. He could be sitting in his room, reading and waiting for Chekov to arrive, or he could be sitting in his room setting up an array of interesting sex toys and waiting for Chekov to arrive. The thought almost makes him smirk because he's got a feeling that Sulu is as vanilla as they come, and that Chekov is going to be the one to dirty up his lieutenant. Jim allows himself to feel a modicum of pride at that notion, and simultaneously decides that he wouldn't have wanted Chekov's new lover to be a replacement for himself. No, the way Sulu plays it, he's probably around the corner waiting patiently; he probably even gave Chekov a kiss for good luck before sending him off to see the big bad captain-- but he can't know for sure. What he does know is that Chekov is here to end things with him and that he's pretty sure he can handle it.

"I never thought I would have to do something like this..." Chekov adds in the middle of a very long and heartfelt confession. Jim keeps his eyes neutral and nods in comprehension every few minutes but he's not really paying attention, and he thinks that's fair. He'd set up the scheme to get Chekov and Sulu to talk and, while it hadn't been particularly grandiose or clever, it worked like a charm. He'd also been the one who noticed Chekov's interest in Sulu, possibly even before Chekov realized it, and a man would have to be blind not to know that Sulu's had a hard-on for the little whiz kid since the first month of their mission. With all of these things lingering in his brain, Jim had known how this was going to end for some time, even if he hadn't been conscious of it; and so, he isn't ignoring Chekov out of disrespect, but simply to save himself from reliving some of the unpleasantness he'd already felt. It could also be because he's a bit stoned, but as far as Chekov knows, he's sincerely processing every word. "So... I don't know where this leaves us..." the younger man trails off and Jim is ready, as he always has been, to make Chekov feel as guiltless about this as possible.

He sets both hands heavily on Chekov's shoulders, knowing this is the best way to calm him down, and when the thin shoulders finally stop shaking with nervousness, Jim lightens his hold and rubs his thumbs across the fabric of Chekov's shirt a few times.

"We're exactly where we were before, Ensign," the title is another trick Jim knows to keep the kid calm, and he briefly wonders if Sulu will know this or if it will even work coming from someone less... commanding. He takes a look around the corridor for anyone who might hear him and says "We just have to keep our hands off of each other from now on, that's all." He shrugs and gives Chekov a little smile. "Shouldn't be too difficult, you've got your new squeeze and you know I won't have any trouble finding something to fill my bed with."

Chekov returns the smile sadly and Jim considers this a small accomplishment; he pushes forward, hoping to leave nothing unsaid so that the next time they see each other, they can carry on like nothing ever happened. "Sulu's a good man, he'll take care of you-- I know you don't need it," he interjected before Chekov could protest, "but he'll do it anyway, and that suits me just fine." He drops his hands away from Chekov, thinking of it as a sort of symbol for the end of their arrangement. "And I'm happy for you."

At this, Chekov smiles knowingly and repeats Jim's look around the hall; he seems to be focused on one particular corner, which makes Jim think that maybe Sulu actually is just around the bend, but Chekov turns back and reaches up to give Jim a kiss on the cheek before he can comment.

"Tell me something true." The younger man whispers before taking a pointed step back, his own symbol. Jim looks into Chekov's eyes, no trace of cheek or cockiness, and tells the truth.

"I'm not happy to see you go." Chekov says nothing, but this seems to satisfy him. The kid isn't crying or swearing revenge, so it's one of the better break-ups Jim has been through. They stare at each other for a while before Jim quirks the corner of his mouth and jerks his head in the direction he suspects his lieutenant to be waiting, the universal sign for 'get outta here.' Chekov returns the half-smile and turns, walking briskly away; his walk is almost excited, his mind is already on Sulu and nothing else.

Jim sighs as the ensign gets farther away and he can appreciate how complete this ending seems. He's going to miss Chekov, and he briefly considered fighting for him when he first figured out that this might happen. The issue is that Jim can't think of a reason to fight for Chekov that isn't selfish at its very core. He wasn't lying when he said that they were exactly where they'd always been, minus the naked bit; Chekov and Jim didn't have a relationship, not like he and Sulu can have now. They never treated each other differently after they started having sex, with the exception of within Jim's bedroom, and he figures they'll be spending a lot less time there from now on. It shouldn't be too difficult to just fall back into their usual workplace dynamic, even if it means no more stealth-groping while Spock is lecturing the crew, or oh-so-subtle innuendos while he himself is lecturing the crew... damn but he is going to miss that ass. Chekov is about to turn the corner and Jim can't tell if he's doing it on purpose or not, but he swears he can see the boy give a little tush-wiggle before disappearing completely.

Jim sighs and turns back to his room with a little smile. He really isn't happy to see Chekov leave, "But I love to watch you walk away."

~*~

"Mmm," Pavel moans and stretches his body like a cat would, making noises of delicious exhaustion before snuggling into Hikaru's chest like nothing has ever been more comfortable or inviting.

"Mmmmmm," Hikaru agrees, his voice is softer than Pavel's and his proud smile is obvious in the sound of his voice. His arms shift around Pavel and he pulls the man into a tight embrace, tangling their legs up as they both giggle. "I can't believe you're here-- God, you fit so well." He's sleepy and delirious but Pavel knows what he means.

Hikaru insisted that Pavel end things with Kirk before they start anything of their own, Pavel had wasted no time and now they were basking in the sweet afterglow of their third round that night. They waited a few days after the big exodus out of respect to Kirk, who was adjusting nicely to the change (i.e. screwing some blond from medical, possibly just to see McCoy get pissed about it.) Sulu wanted to do it right, so he made them wait until Friday and cooked Pavel dinner and everything, but Chekov--young and virile as he is--didn't make it through the first four minutes of the meal before shoving his hand down Hikaru's pants. They've been in Hikaru's room for over a day, now, with no end in sight.

"Do you feel like eating again?" Hikaru asks in a quiet voice, nuzzling beneath Pavel's ear with his nose.

"I don't know," Pavel giggles, squirming ticklishly. "Do you think you can keep your mouth away from my face while I'm cutting my chicken again?" Hikaru takes this as a 'yes' and dislodges himself from the younger man. Pavel whimpers inaudibly as the connection between their skin is severed and shamelessly admires Hikaru's ass as he searches the other side of his room for his pants.

Hikaru likes to cook his own food, instead of getting it from the replicator; he even grows some of his own vegetables in the greenhouse, although they don't look or taste quite the same as Pavel remembers the vegetables to be back on Earth. It's one of those things Pavel wouldn't even think to do because he's so obsessed with now and tomorrow and changing everything, while Hikaru seems to be more interested in the highlights of the past. At one point during their 24-hour fuck frenzy, when they were taking a break of course, Hikaru told Pavel about tiny two-man airplanes they had back on Earth during the internet revolution and how much he'd like to try one out.

"They don't go nearly as fast as planes now, and they're dangerous, but I hear you can actually feel how fast you're going. It's so hard to do that now." Of course, after hearing the words 'feel' and 'hard,' Pavel pounced on him again but he's thinking about it now, that counts.

"Eggs?" The voice surprises Pavel out of his ponderings and he realizes his eyes have been following Hikaru's ass around the room while his mind wandered elsewhere. The older man is smirking at him, holding a spatula and frying pan. Pavel smiles and nods his head eagerly; he hops out of the bed, briefly considering the option of just going naked, but thinking better of it when his stomach rumbles and he discovers he's actually hungry.

So Hikaru makes eggs while Chekov sits at the table with his chin resting on his hands, enjoying Hikaru's every movement like they're individual pieces of art, constantly being presented for his enjoyment. He knows a lot of the emotion he's feeling right now is simply because of the newness of their relationship--what was that word in Standard? Limerence-- but Pavel can't imagine watching Hikaru's shoulders move without feeling a profound sense of awe. This already feels so different from whatever he and Kirk had; both situations make their own case for intense sex, but Hikaru feels like a beginning where Kirk always felt like a good memory waiting to happen.

He still feels bad for explicitly choosing Hikaru over Jim. Pavel had known since the captain first brought up the idea of bringing Sulu to their bed that he was going to have a hard time letting him go. He'd known, upon the first push of Hikaru's cock into his body, that he would die if he never got to do that again and, when Hikaru stormed out, Pavel had known that the only way to make that happen was to choose Hikaru over Jim. Pavel is starting to realize that they had known as well; it must be why Hikaru came right out and asked him and--Pavel flinches guiltily at the thought--it was probably why Jim didn't seem surprised at all to see the young Russian looking appropriately apologetic at his doorstep a few days earlier.

Hikaru brings two plates of delicious-smelling food to the table and puts them down. The chairs are usually situated at either side of the table's surface, but Hikaru pulls his over until it's impossible for them not to be touching while they sit. Pavel gives Hikaru a smile like he was thinking the exact same thing and examines his food, the rumbling in his stomach still present. The smell of the fresh food and the warmth of Hikaru's thigh against his is enough to get him half-hard and he smirks through his chewing as he places a hand on Hikaru's knee and leaves it there. Hikaru gives him that look again, the one that says 'you are everything there is to be happy about,' and Pavel gets vertigo from just seeing it.

"What?" Hikaru asks after neither of them have spoken for a while; there's nothing to question, he's just breaking the silence. Pavel smiles, his eyes trained forward and thinking, and says the first thing that comes to mind.

"You used to practice asking me out in front of the mirror." He states, his smile growing with every syllable. Hikaru groans and covers his face in embarrassment but Pavel waits out the reaction until he can look into those almost-black eyes. "Show me one," He expects Hikaru to stand, be theatrical and crack up halfway through, but he just turns his body closer to Pavel's and looks into his eyes. Pavel gulps.

"Pavel," he starts, and the ensign gets butterflies in his stomach; how is it possible that, after everything he's seen and done, he can still feel like a fifteen year old with a heart-shaped arrow in his back? "Actually, that's wrong, I'd probably ask you something like 'what's up' first, to break the ice." Hikaru rests his cheek in his hand, smiling with a dreamy look in his eyes, "What's up?" Pavel can barely keep an excited laugh down and he wishes he could have heard this with all the nervousness and uncertainty of someone who hadn't just fucked him six ways to Sunday.

"Nothing special," he answers with a teasing smile. "You?"

"Me? No, nothing special either, just... hanging out in my room. So, listen..." Hikaru bites his lip and looks away for the first time in his little scene. Pavel's chest feels tight and his fingers twitch and he needs to do something so he swings a leg over Hikaru and straddles him in his chair; the other man's hands come up automatically to rest on his hips and they're staring at each other again. "Do you wanna go out with me some time?" The question comes, almost a whisper, and it even sounds a little scared. Pavel cups Hikaru's face as strange sensations fight for dominance in his chest; he almost feels like he might cry for a moment before he smiles and pushes their foreheads together, speaking just as quietly.

"Sure," their mouths meet before Pavel can even get the syllable out. It's like he's entirely weightless, yet stronger than he's ever felt with a man between his legs before; he's quickly growing addicted to the sensation.

Tomorrow they'll have to go back to work, but Pavel's not worried about that. He'll be with Hikaru the whole time and they'll exchange flirty glances and "accidentally" brush each other's fingers at the conn, and they won't even have to hide it. The crew will whisper and, by the end of the day, everyone they know will have heard the news. They'll walk back to Hikaru's room after shift, maybe not holding hands but visibly together, and Pavel will feel--as he always has with Hikaru--like a rich man.

AN: There is absolutely no porn in this part, I have failed you all.