(no subject)
I'm tired of being blown off by people. I feel like a leech. I don't feel like any of my friends really want to hang out with me. When I was laying on my couch all day depressed out of my mind, no one visited me to see how i was. no one gave a shit. I just got, "oh that sucks." yeah i know it fucking sucked, but no one showed any sympathy. I'm tired of having to organize hangouts, I'd just like it so much if people thought of me now and then. pullis and i used to hang out every day and now he's gone and i miss him so much. im always out but it's only because I call people and ask if they want to do something. Some people will always say "we should hang out" and then they never call you or anything to actually hang out, when they're ALSO complaining about never having a fun time. Lauren completely blew me off today, vinny keeps blowing me off, and im so mad at everything and i dont want to be. i want to be happy and i dont want to feel like a fatass because im not "full" all of the fucking time while everyone really knows you don't eat at all the way you used to and your boyfriend is even worried about you and ahfdajlfkdjsalfdsa. barbara doesn't ever call me and i thought she was one of my best friends. i wonder if even linda would have called me if i hadn't made SOME effort to plan something. monday im supposed to go to gashos with lauren linda and kristy, and i just know something is going to get fucked up because that's just how everything is these days. im tired of my knee hurting and im tired of sitting on the sidelines. I should be at cw post doing my preseason training, but no. i screwed up. im so depressed and i miss talking to gerard because he always knows how to calm me down when im angry and ah. im so frustrated.